


a heart full of song

by perfect-porcelain (tedddylupin)



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Alex is super friendly, Alternative Universe - Broadway, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Henry is super angsty, Henry is the piano player in the pit, Les Misérables References, M/M, Nepotism what nepotism don't @ me, Things happen obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:27:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 51,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22897210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tedddylupin/pseuds/perfect-porcelain
Summary: Alex is the up and comer new to the on Broadway production of Les Miserables playing the understudy of Marius. Henry is the seasoned piano prodigy that’s fallen down through the ranks to work in the pit and as the accompanist during rehearsals. Normally Henry would ignore new faces but this face he's seen before and he'd rather avoid him at all costs. Instead, Alex asks Henry for help but Henry’s jaded and doesn’t think Alex has what it takes to stay on Broadway for long. Alex is loud and brash and will burn out quickly in his mind but Alex doesn’t let that stop him and wants to get better and better.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 205
Kudos: 180





	1. Chapter 1

“Did you hear we’re getting the new understudies today.” Pez said as he leaned against the piano Henry sat at, sunglasses still on. 

Henry merely grunted as he pulled out his sheet music from his messenger bag. 

“Rough night?” Pez smirked rather cruelly at him. “You know you are indoors Henry.”

“Shut up.” Henry muttered as he placed the sheet music on the ledge of the piano. Even Pez’s voice at the moment was too much to handle.

“Let me guess, you got drunk at a bar, found someone to hook up with after getting close to blacking out and then left their place in the middle of the night?” Pez tapped his chin thoughtfully. 

Henry didn’t say anything which only led Pez to grin. Henry let his fingers dance across the keys as he warmed up both his hands and the piano, listening for any fine tuning he needed to do before rehearsals started. There was none of course. 

Pez was about to open his mouth once more when the director, Rafael Luna, walked into the room. Pez winked at Henry before going to find his seat. Henry watched as the rest of the actors did as well. There were several new faces in the crowded rehearsal space but he didn’t bother to learn their names. At least not at this point. Understudies were a dime a dozen. He would learn their names and faces when they were worth something. 

He dully played a C chord when Rafael asked him to start the vocal warm ups. He had taken off his sunglasses and prayed for a quick death as the sunlight streamed in from the giant bay windows. Mostly he sat there and stared off into space, not paying attention.

“We’re going to start with One Day More.” Rafael said and Henry opened the binder of music to the designated song. 

He knew it by memory at this point after working on Les Miserables for the last few months, but it didn’t hurt to have it up in front of him in case there was a specific measure that was going to be worked on. 

His fingers moved across the keys like memory, eyes closing as he let the notes work through him. The voices that surrounded him were nothing compared to the piano that he was so used to.

“Henry.” A voice stopped him and he opened his eyes to find the room staring at him. 

His fingers came off the keys quickly, the piano ending abruptly. “I apologize.” He said quickly and Rafael gave him a half smile and nod.

“That’s alright. We’re starting at Marius and Cosette.” Rafael said and Henry nodded, already knowing what measure to start on. He looked for Rafael’s cue and then started to play only this time he heard the voices. 

His eyes found the Marius that was singing and Henry felt a slight jolt at realization. He swallowed thickly and continued playing purely by muscle memory alone because his mind kept getting flashes of last night. Dark eyes, soft curls, stubbled jaw, hot breath. 

Rafael gave the cut off signal. Henry stopped instantly this time. “Alright perfect. Let’s move onto Do You Hear The People Sing.” Henry didn’t bother to change his sheet music. This was one of the most often rehearsed songs due to the large amount of the ensemble needed.

Henry let himself get caught up in the music until finally Rafael called 15 and he let himself collapse into himself on the piano bench. The actors began to talk amongst themselves, completely ignoring him which was fine. 

“You good?” Pez asked, walking up. “You’re usually not one to zone out like that.”

“Who’s the new Marius?” Henry asked bluntly. 

Pez frowned and looked over to where said Marius was talking with June, the principal Fantine. It was like the boy felt their eyes and looked up. Henry felt a jolt and he quickly looked down at his sheet music to distract himself.

“Henry.” Pez warned. “Henry what did you do?”

“Who is he?” Henry hissed under his breath.

“That’s Alex Claremont Diaz. He’s June’s younger brother. Fresh off of the Wicked tour I heard. Understudy for Fiyero.” Pez said as he leaned against the baby grand. He wiggled his fingers at Alex. Henry felt his entire face heat up. “You fucked him didn’t you?” Pez said, lolling his head towards Henry with a smirk, eyebrows raised. 

“I think so. I can’t remember for sure.” Henry muttered. Pez just grinned at him and Henry let out a loud sigh, hiding behind the piano. “Can you just go away?”

Pez chuckled and clapped him on the shoulder. “Good luck buddy.”

“What? Good luck? Why good luck?” Henry frowned, feeling a panic rise up from the pit of his stomach. “Oh god.” He said under his breath as Pez twirled away and in his place was his worst nightmare. 

“Sup.” The dark curls of his memories looked down at him with a messy smile that had a bite behind it that Henry felt in his very soul.

“Um. Hello.” He said awkwardly. 

“Fancy meeting you here.” 

“Right.” 

“You don’t remember my name do you?” 

“Of course I do.” Henry shot back, eyes narrowing in offense like he hadn’t just been told Alex’s name two seconds ago.

“Pez told you didn’t he?” Alex jerked his head towards Pez who was now talking with Nora. “Hey, no judgement. We both knew what we were getting into.” 

Henry straightened his back, fingers twitching across the keys, a crutch. “I didn’t think I would see you again honestly. Otherwise I would have been a bit more…”

Alex looked at him expectantly, his mouth working in amusement. 

“Well, you know.” Henry shrugged, fingers now straightening his sheet music.

“Oh I do? Please. Tell me.” Alex was now pushing his luck and Henry’s eyes narrowed. 

“I think you have some music to go and memorize.” Henry said coldly and Alex’s mouth formed a hard line, eyes flashing. 

“Mmhm. Sure.” Alex walked backwards in a loose sort of way that Henry’s memories provided him. It was perfect timing because Rafael came back into the room and Henry let himself get lost in the quarter notes and crescendos and shut out the memory of Alex’s lips on his collarbone. 

How could he have known that the one guy he picked up in a bar was going to be working with him for the foreseeable future? He should have known by the musical way Alex seemed to talk and move and kiss. It was practically in his entire DNA and Henry had been blinded by the alcohol. 

“That’s it people. See you all tomorrow.” Rafael closed the rehearsal and Henry finally took his hands off of the keys. He absently massaged his tendons, eyes staring out into nothing as he came back to himself. He always had to take a moment to fall back into his real life. He wasn’t in the French Revolution anymore. 

“You wanna go get food?” Pez asked and he finally looked up, fingers still massaging his hand. 

“Uh yeah, sure.” Henry nodded.

“They’re gonna come too.” Pez said looking towards June and Nora and it seemed Alex. He felt his blood drain from his face. “Oh come on, it won’t be that bad. Just talk to Nora if you’re gonna be weird about it.” 

Henry rolled his eyes and began to put his sheet music away when Rafael came up to him. 

“Henry, I hate to do this to you but do you think you could come in early tomorrow? I need to get these understudies up to snuff before the run starts up again.” Rafael asked, checking his watch. 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Henry said even though he was planning on sleeping in the next day. At least it would mean more money. 

“You’re a lifesaver.” Rafael clapped him on the shoulder and then Henry was left with Pez and the rest of them standing there waiting for him. He sighed and walked over, only going because his stomach was growling and he knew Bea would judge him if he came home and ate microwave ramen for the fourth day in a row. 

The five of them set off towards a pizza place close to the rehearsal space and Nora fell in line with Henry.

“So you fucked Alex huh?” She asked and Henry nearly tripped over a crack in the sidewalk. “Don’t worry, Alex already told me he was cool with it. Even if you did leave his place without saying goodbye.” Nora grinned at him and Henry wanted to sink into the earth and let the subway take him out. 

“This is going to haunt me for the rest of my years isn’t it?” Henry muttered.

“Yeah probably.” Nora said with a solemn nod. “At least until you get off Broadway.”

“Fuck.” 

“That’s the spirit.” Nora laughed and slipped inside as Henry held the door for her. Somehow Henry found himself squished up in the corner of the booth with Alex across from him. 

“Don’t make it weird.” Alex said, kicking his foot under the table. 

Henry turned away, grabbing a slice of pizza and chewing on it morosely. Hookups for him were a ‘do it once and never see the person again’ sort of thing so having the hookup from the very last night staring him down as he stuffed his face with cheese and bread was not a good look for him. 

He tried to participate in the conversation but he was starting to get antsy, fingers tapping on the table to the time of Look Down. His foot was jiggling along too and Pez nudged him slightly in warning.

“I gotta head home. Early day tomorrow.” He said, attempting to scoot out of the booth.

“Me too.” Alex said with a smug look. Henry couldn’t believe he momentarily forgot that Alex was going to be one of the understudies he was supposed to be helping tomorrow and he grumbled to himself. 

He said his goodbyes and promptly left. He burrowed his face into his coat as he walked towards the subway when he heard footsteps follow after him loudly.

“Henry!” He heard Alex call out to him and he turned. 

“What?” He shot back, slightly annoyed that this person was making him stop in the middle of the sidewalk when it was freezing outside. 

“No need to bark at me.” Alex raised an eyebrow. 

“It’s freezing, just get on with it.” Henry snapped.

“I was going to see if you wanted to hang out again, that’s all.” Alex said with a shrug. “You know, we could go over harmonies or something.”

Henry narrowed his eyes. “I’m not a free service. I didn’t intentionally mean to sleep with an understudy, I assure you on that, but I’m not going to just give you special treatment because I did. We aren’t going to date and we are never _going_ to date.”

Alex’s eyes flashed. “I didn’t say anything about dating did I? I was trying to get to know you.”

“Well don’t okay? We aren’t going to be friends either.” Henry growled and turned on his heel, walking towards the subway once more. He wondered if he shouldn’t have gotten so annoyed with Alex and yelled at him but he didn’t like people trying to invade his space without his permission. Last night had been a stupid, drunken mistake and he was going to be paying for it, sure, but that didn’t mean he had to roll over and take it. 

A part of him wondered if he would have found Alex attractive if they hadn't met the way that they had. Would he find himself crushing on the new Marius? 

But they had met like that and his impression of Alex would be tainted forever. He just hoped that he could manage to get past it and just do his job.

\---------

“So he hates me.” Alex said as he slid back into the booth, nose cold from running out into the freezing air.

“Henry’s rough around the edges. He’s like that with everyone.” June said, brushing it off. “When I first came on he told me that my timing was terrible and that I was lucky Raf liked me enough to keep me around.”

“I mean he was kinda right about that one.” Nora added, dodging June’s light slap with a laugh. “Henry helped you though didn’t he? Now you’re great.” 

June rolled her eyes but chuckled to herself as she ate another slice of pizza. 

Alex sighed and leaned back into the booth. First day of rehearsals and already the accompanist hated him. He was lucky that Henry was actually going to help him tomorrow but he had a feeling it was only because Rafael had asked him to. 

He had planned to come into the company with his head held high off from touring with Wicked for six months only to be ground back down into the earth. Such was the life of show business he supposed. Whatever. He would ignore Henry as best as he could. The guy was a professional and he was a professional so he could get the job done just as well as if he hadn't slept with Henry last night. 

Truthfully he hadn’t had planned to sleep with anyone, but Henry was like a breath of fresh air, all long limbs and charming smiles and he had been lonely since moving in with Liam who was always out with his own boyfriend and he couldn’t exactly lament his horny feelings to June. His sister didn’t need to know about that. So when he had seen Henry across the bar he had made his way over not expecting much but getting everything. He hadn’t even been that mad when he had woken up to see Henry gone from his bed.

What he had been mad about was Henry trying to avoid him the very next day. He had seen Henry the moment he had walked into the room but it was like seeing a different person. It was like seeing a shell of the person he had been. Not that he knew Henry of course, but Alex had a keen sense of people from the moment he met them. It was strange to him to see someone not be anything but themselves. He wondered if Henry had even been himself last night.

So he pouted and pouted until he got home, Liam not even there. 

He hated that he fell asleep still silently seething about Henry.

When he woke up he was fine. It was a new day. He was excited to rehearse a new role. He was looking forward to it in fact. 

Liam grumbled when he walked into the kitchen, still bleary eyed as he opened the fridge, avoiding looking at Alex who was sitting on the couch already bright eyed and bushy tailed whatever that meant. 

“Why are you up so early?” Liam asked, voice raspy.

“Because _Liam_ it’s the first day I really get to learn how to take your role.” Alex grinned as he sipped his tea. Coffee just wouldn’t do before doing vocals. 

“You’ll take Marius from my cold dead hands.” Liam said, mouth twitching into a small grin as he poured himself some juice. 

“That can be arranged.” Alex winked as he rose from the couch and put his mug in the sink. He knew he was getting way ahead of himself but he wanted to practically sprint to the rehearsal studio. “I’ll see you later for blocking.” He kissed Liam on the cheek who let out a sound of protest and he was out the door. 

He had missed New York if he was being honest with himself. He had grown up here save for a few years in Texas here and there. New York was where he shined. It had brought him up more than anything else. 

The subway ride was headphones in listening to the music he was about to perform, eyes closed as his fingers twitched along with the time. He hopped out at his stop and found his way as if by an invisible force up to the studio. 

Of course he was the first one there.

He let his backpack slide to the ground and he hummed to himself as he stretched absently. He wasn’t going to be learning the fight scenes until later but stretching helped center him. He almost didn’t hear someone come in behind him.

“Trying to be a teacher's pet?” 

Alex turned easily and saw Henry walking towards the piano. He looked better than yesterday but still not as pretty as when he first saw him in the bar. 

“Subway was early.” He said with a shrug.

“That’s a fat lie.” Henry muttered as he put down his things with a rather loud bang and propped open his binder of music, sitting at the piano.

Alex was about to open his mouth to say something more when his voice would have been drowned out by the loud music coming from the piano. He smirked instead and went back to stretching, lowering himself down on the floor. He spread his legs out and leaned forward, walking his hands out across the wood in front of him until he was practically flat against it. 

More people started trickling in and Alex recognized most of them save for a couple of the girls. Broadway was a tight knit group and he liked to know who he was working with. Henry ran them through a couple of vocal warm ups, looking bored the entire time.

“We’ll be starting with In My Life and a Heart Full of Love. Just go right into it until I tell you to stop.” Henry said clearly and Alex nodded, coming forward towards the piano. He nodded to the girls playing Cosette and Eponine and they dug into it. Henry hummed along with Valjean’s part but didn’t sing the words, only giving the girl playing Cosette something to go off of. 

When Marius’s part began he sang along easily. Marius was easy for him. He knew Les Miserables like the back of his hand. Back when he was only eight years old he had started his career as Gavroche for a few runs until his voice dropped and his mom insisted he actually go to school and graduate with an actual degree. 

He had fought her kicking and screaming but he supposed it worked out in his favor. He had gotten into Juilliard and graduated at the age of 20, cramming as many classes in as possible so he could get out early and start performing. 

Les Mis was like coming home to him and Marius was a character he had longed to play from the moment he had started performing. Now he was here and he wasn’t about to miss his chance.

“Wrong.” Henry stopped the music and Alex’s voice cut off.

“What?”

“That note you just sang. It was a note too high. It clashes with Eponine’s part.” Henry said. “Run it again.”

Alex frowned and cleared his throat. He started again and got a bit farther.

“Nope, wrong again. Have you practiced at all?” Henry asked and Alex narrowed his eyes. 

“That wasn’t wrong.” 

Henry arched an eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

He looked to the Eponine actress who gave him a hesitant shrug, like she wasn’t quite sure who to put her confidence in. 

“Again.” Henry said and Alex started over from the beginning. This time he managed to get all the way through but he felt himself hesitate. “You aren’t showing the emotion.” Henry said when the song was finished and Eponine started into On My Own. 

“Well I can’t seem to show the emotion without you yelling at me now can I?” Alex snapped back.

Henry only smiled at him. “Did you really think you could come onto a Broadway show and expect to be perfect?” Alex flipped through his score, not looking at Henry who only laughed. “This isn’t a tour anymore sweetheart. This is the big time.”

“I fucking know that.” Alex’s eyes blazed. “You think I haven’t been on Broadway before?”

Henry leaned back a bit on his bench and crossed his arms, looking at Alex expectantly.

“I don’t need to prove myself to you.” 

“Actually,” Henry said, leaning forward. “You do.”

Alex glared at him. “You aren’t my director. You aren’t my stage manager. You’re nothing but the piano player.”

“Who do you think reports back to the director? The accompanist.” Henry tilted his head rather intimidatingly. Alex felt anger spike in him. He knew he should be nice to Henry because this wasn’t his first rodeo on stage. He knew that Henry was important. That didn’t mean he didn’t want to smash the man’s face in. How he could have slept with this asshole he had no idea.

Alex raised his chin. “Fine.” He conceded for the moment, the word tasting sour on his tongue. Henry’s smile only got crueler. “I’ll put more emotion into it.”

“There’s the spirit Marius.” Henry said, his tone matching his jagged smile.

Alex flexed his fingers, itching to slap him but instead he turned and walked away as Henry moved towards Fantine and Valjean. He ignored the music and Henry’s bright accent and instead made notes in his score. 

“Red And Black now.” Henry called and Alex rose from his seat. The ensemble had started trickling in and the background smaller characters had gathered around the piano. Alex took his place next to Pez who at the moment was the only Enjolras. He sang his part just fine, his tenor voice light above the baritones of the student characters. 

“Nice sound boys.” Rafael interrupted when the song was finished and they turned towards him. “How are my understudies Henry?” 

Alex’s eyes slid to Henry’s on their own accord. Henry flashed towards him for a split second before landing on Rafael’s.

“A bit rusty but they should be good by the time the run opens again.” Henry said, eyes finding Alex’s again.

“Very good. Let’s start with some vocal warm ups. Anyone who’s been here take five.” Rafael said and Alex walked towards his seat and took a swig of water.

“How’s it going mijo?” A deep voice whispered behind him.

Alex turned to see his father sitting behind him. “Shouldn’t you be warming up?” He hissed.

Oscar waved him off. “I’m always warm. How was your first day? Sorry I missed it.”

Alex shrugged. “It was a first day.”

“That bad huh?”

“Care to share with the class Oscar?” Rafael interrupted and both Alex and Oscar froze. 

“Sorry Raf, gotta check in.” Oscar winked. “I’ll be quiet now.”

“No, you’ll warm up your voice. We’re doing heavy Act one today.” Rafael warned and Oscar grinned with a nod. Alex bit back a snicker only to get the back of his ear flicked. 

When the vocal warm ups were finished, those that weren’t part of the main cast for Act one were tasked to learn blocking in the next room. Alex would be part of the ensemble during Act one regardless if he was playing Marius or not, but he needed to learn the blocking for when he was the main.

He liked learning blocking even more than he liked learning the songs. Blocking was easy in his mind. It was a ‘go from point A to point B and don’t hit anyone along the way’ sort of easy. He had always been in good control of his body and was a tactile learner. 

“Don’t be scared.” Nora warned as she swept past him and he frowned.

“Don’t be scared?” 

She just smiled over her shoulder as they walked into the room. There waiting for them was a slender woman who looked like she could carry the entire world if she so chose. Alex was instantly scared.

“Don’t stand in my doorway.” The woman snapped and he and the rest of the new understudies came in. “I’m Zahra and Raf’s tasked me with keeping you idiots in line while the dance captains teach you blocking. If you even talk back to me once I will haunt you for the rest of your time on this production and it won’t be pleasant.” She clapped her hands together. “I’m assuming that not all of you are incompetent so this should be quick to pick up.” 

Alex stood to the side as Liam who had come in earlier moved through the blocking, Alex following closely with his eyes. Nora did the same with the new Eponine who’s name Alex still hadn’t figured out yet. They started out with A Heart Full of Love. Alex walked along behind Liam for the first time through and then it was his turn. Nora stayed in for Alex’s first time. The new Eponine came in for the second time through. 

When Zahra found them sufficient she had the rest of the boys go to the stage for battle blocking. Alex always found that part the most interesting. He excelled in sword fighting class. He figured it was his background in lacrosse and fencing. His dad had urged him to go into fencing like he knew that this was his future.

He swung his play bayonet, getting a feel for it as he did.

“Easy, easy.” Nora said with a laugh as she twirled her own gracefully. 

He laughed and pretended to poke her with it.

“Oh no, no playing with the bayonets.” Zahra practically shouted at them. Alex took his back into his hand.

“Sorry bout that.” Alex quickly apologized.

Zahra strode over and gave him a look up and down. “So you’re the new Diaz kid huh?”

“Yep.” He said casually.

Zahra pursed her lips and Alex felt like his entire soul was being read. “You better be as good as your dad and sister.” She sniffed and turned away. “Places for the battle everyone.” She said louder and Alex let out a breath. 

He watched from the side as the main cast took their places like they had been doing it for years. Some of them had in various productions and it showed. Alex was not one to get intimidated but watching these seasoned vets do it so seamlessly, he felt a bit overwhelmed. Blocking for walking was easy, but blocking for a fight scene? Terrifying. He had gotten more than one black eye from a play before and the make up artists were never kind to him after that. 

The barricade was also terrifying in itself. He knew the main cast was using this as a fight check, making sure that they remembered the safety rules he was sure Zahra had pounded into them as stage manager. They likely wouldn’t forget but they had to make sure. 

Eventually it was Alex’s turn to get on the barricade and they took it slow, breaking down the music and Liam gave him pointers as he did along with some of the other swings who were on the giant set as well. 

There was something magical about it though. Being on the stage in the Imperial Theatre was something magical that he hadn’t felt since playing Gavroche and even then he hadn’t appreciated it then. Being a child actor in Broadway wasn't as exciting as being an adult one. Adult actors were everywhere which meant that making it to this stage? Incredible. He practically felt the old productions that haunted this place. 

“Alex!” Nora jerked him back and he turned, not realizing he had walked forward towards the edge of the stage. 

“Yeah?”

“It’s lunch. You wanna get June and go get something?”

“Oh uh yeah, sure.” 

He turned back towards the front of the auditorium one time before following Nora off stage and into the wings of the theatre. 

He wanted it. 

He wanted it desperately. 

Now he just had to take it, grumpy piano player be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you go see Frozen the musical on stage and get a giant burst of muse and 2012 slaps you in the face with all the Les Mis content. Also I need validation so I made it a chaptered thing instead of a long ass oneshot. Hopefully you theater nerds out there know my feelings. Is this entirely self indulgent and is my younger self screaming chaotically on the inside? Hell yes she is.
> 
> EDIT: YES I KNOW HENRY IS MEAN BUT HE'S GOT REASONS AND YOU'LL LEARN SAID REASONS IN THE FUTURE DON'T WORRY BOUT IT
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	2. Chapter 2

Alex looked at himself in the mirror. His face was dripping with water, having still not wiped it off with a towel and he narrowed his eyes at his reflection.

“You are not going to let some bastard piano player break you down today.” He said under his breath as a pep talk. 

It was the end of his first week of rehearsals and every fucking time he had worked with Henry in the morning before the rest of the cast came, the man berrated him and knocked him down a few pegs. Never in his _life_ had he had to deal with such a horrific piano player. 

The worst part was, Rafael seemed to love him and took everything he said to heart. He had to get a stern talking to from the director himself because Henry the asshole had said that his pitch was too inconsistent in the higher register. 

So sue him! He was a little rusty, he could admit that, but that didn’t mean Henry had to come for his entire soul. He was the only one Henry had singled out too. He saw the man working one on one with the other understudies, giving them pointers and genuinely being helpful whereas the moment Henry laid his eyes on Alex it was like everything inside the man turned to stone.

“You going to show Henry who’s boss today?” Liam asked as Alex swept into the room. Liam’s boyfriend was at the fridge. He kissed Liam on the top of his head which made Liam push him off. 

“I’m gonna give him hell.” Alex grinned, eyes flashing. 

“Godspeed my friend.” Liam raised his mug and then Alex was out the door.

The entire subway ride was his score in his lap, earphones in as he followed along with the notes on the page. Not only was he having to learn Marius’s part, but he was also learning Feuilly and Combeferre as well as the ensemble numbers during Act one. It was like keeping four or five different personalities in his head never mind the blocking for it all too. 

He sighed and leaned his head back against the seat, closing his eyes as he pictured the stage in his mind. 

He could do this. He could definitely do this. He was a fucking Diaz. It was in his blood. 

Alex knew the others who weren’t as nice as Liam or Pez were just waiting for him to make a misstep. June was the prodigy of the family. She had been on Broadway since she was seventeen, forgoing professional education. His father had starred in so many productions he was a household name for those that enjoyed theatre. 

No one had heard of Alex Claremont Diaz. 

He was determined to change that. 

When he got into the rehearsal studio he was following the sound of piano notes. He felt his jaw set as he pushed the door open to find Henry at the piano, eyes closed, body rocking along in time. He didn’t say anything as he walked in to set down his stuff, but he wasn’t silent either. He let his backpack drop unceremoniously and he pulled out his score, having stuffed it into his backpack for the walk from the subway.

Henry had opened one eye, staring Alex down but he didn’t stop playing. He attempted to ignore the music, but his eyes were seeing nothing on the page.

He finally huffed and looked up. Henry was smirking at him but still continued to play.

“We gonna fucking work or what?” He asked, voice rising over the piano notes.

Instantly Henry stopped and took his fingers off the keys. “Oh are you actually going to do your fucking job today?” The English accent sounded harsh around the curse word.

“What the hell does that mean?” Alex frowned.

“You got this job because of your last name right? It took me a while to learn how you got here but now it all makes sense. Raf’s a family friend?” Henry asked, stretching his fingers absently.

Alex straightened in the seat that he had taken while waiting for Henry to finish. “I mean, yeah, but I went through the same audition process as everyone else.” 

“And your dad just happens to be playing Valjean and your sister just _happens_ to be the principal Fantine.” Henry cocked his head. “I try to steer clear of the actor drama because,” He laughed like it was the biggest joke in the world and shrugged. “I’m just in the pit right? I shouldn’t care, right?”

Alex furrowed his brow, teeth grinding. “Why do you care then? Who gives a fuck if I’m here?”

Henry laughed and shook his head. “Exactly, who gives a fuck that you’re here? You haven’t shown why you’re here at all except for your last name.” 

“What’s your fucking deal man?” Alex snapped. “What drama do you have with me? You still pissed we slept together? It was one fucking night, get the fuck over it.”

Henry’s eyes flashed but his expression stayed cold, almost wooden. “It’s not about the hookup, I don’t care about that. Frankly, I don’t even remember most of it. My deal is that you think you can waltz in here and make it big when someone who is just as good, if not better than you, could have gotten your spot but no, we had to give it to you.”

Henry rose from his bench suddenly and turned to walk out of the room. “I’ll be back for the ensemble rehearsal.” 

And then he was gone.

Alex stared open mouthed at the door. Had that seriously just happened? 

“What the _fuck_?” He said quietly into the room. He was stunned. He had never gotten this much drama from someone who wasn’t even in the cast. What was Henry's problem that he hated Alex so badly? It wasn’t like he was taking Henry’s shot at becoming a big actor on the stage. Henry was in the pit! He wasn’t even competing for the same role. 

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there in silence, trying to piece something together when finally he gave up and rose from his chair. He made his way from the studio down towards his father’s dressing room. 

Oscar was already inside strumming on a guitar as he laid on the couch, instrument across his abdomen. He startled when he saw Alex in the doorway. “What’s up mijo?” His dad asked as he sat up. “Aren’t you supposed to be practicing?”

“Did I only get this job because I’m your son?” Alex blurted out as he sat down in the chair across from the couch. 

Oscar frowned. “What?”

“Did Raf pick me because he’s a family friend?”

“No, he picked you because you’re good. You’re talented Alex, there’s no doubt about it.” Oscar set his guitar to the side. “What happened?”

Alex slumped back in his chair and crossed his arms, letting his head fall back. He couldn’t look at his dad right now. “That asshole accompanist.”

“Oh. Yeah he’s a dick.” Oscar said with a solemn nod. “He’s always rude to the new people. Brilliant player though and he knows his stuff. That’s why Raf keeps him around. He’s only rude to the people he thinks can get better though.”

Alex scoffed bitterly. He let out a loud groan as he rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes and sighed. “He just walked out on me after telling me that the only reason I got this role was because of my last name.”

Oscar clicked his tongue. “I’m gonna beat him up.”

“No, dad.” Alex said quickly, the corner of his mouth twitching up. “That’ll only make it worse.” He said with a shake of his head. “I’ve been practicing the songs at home and Liam’s been helping. I was gonna show off today but before I could even try he just got up and left.”

Oscar hummed low with a frown. Alex knew that Oscar tended to be over protective. It had been one of his hesitations when taking the offer to join the cast. He knew he would be overshadowed by his overbearing father, but it was Les Mis and he couldn’t say no. Not when it had been his dream since he was a kid. 

He just never expected it to be this hard. 

Working on the other musicals had been a breeze. Much smaller casts, much less singing. This was his first true musical with no speaking parts since auditioning as an adult. He had wanted it so badly that the fact that nepotism could come up didn’t even cross his mind. 

He wanted to prove himself but he supposed he could have done it in a much easier way. 

“I’ll kick his ass myself.” Alex finally said as he sat up.

Oscar’s face brightened with a rather cruel smile. “That’s the spirit mijo. Show that English prick who’s boss.” 

Alex snorted and shook his head. “You’re the reason I have to go through all this. Stop being annoying.” 

Oscar scoffed. “You love me.” 

“The first time I'm on stage I’m going full limp when you have to carry me during the sewer scene.” Alex jabbed his finger in Oscar’s direction.

“I would expect nothing less from a little shit like you.” Oscar grinned and Alex let out a real laugh this time. There was nothing like a good talk with his dad to cheer him up. He had missed him after being on tour for so long. He had grown up living with his mother after his parent’s divorce but he had always gravitated towards his father. They were so similar in so many ways but June was the most like him. That didn’t mean Alex didn’t inherit his father’s love of the theater. 

“I’m gonna go practice even if I don’t have an accompanist.” Alex said, standing up. Oscar nodded.

“See you a couple hours. I think we’re doing Act one run through on stage today.” 

It was Alex’s turn to nod and then he was making his way back to the rehearsal studio. It was still empty. He sighed and grabbed his headphones from his bag. He put them on and began to pace around the room. He had gotten a copy of the instrumental version of the songs and as he paced, he thought about the blocking in his mind and without truly thinking about he began to sing the words. 

The music turned to Empty Chairs at Empty Tables and he let the strings move through him. This was one of his favorite songs out of the entire musical, and not just because it was one of Marius’s songs. It was so heart wrenching and cruel. He didn’t know what it was like to lose someone but he could put himself in Marius’s shoes. 

To lose his entire family, Alex couldn’t know the pain the character went through, but that’s why he was an actor. His empathy for Marius was exponential. 

He opened his mouth and sang softly at the beginning of the song. It was a quiet voice that ramped up as Marius’s felt everything all at once in the place where his friends were once alive. At the cusp of the song Alex his voice got louder until the end where it fell off and he was quiet once more. He didn’t sing again for a long while, letting the instrumental play through to the next song without him as he slowly opened his eyes. 

He hadn’t realized he had brought his hand to his chest until he saw a figure standing in the doorway and he quickly straightened. It was Henry.

“Come to yell at me again?” Alex asked quietly as he popped out one earbud. 

Henry shook his head. “I came to get my sheet music.” He said, pointing to the binder still at the piano. 

Alex raised his chin and didn’t say anything. Henry walked by him and grabbed the binder before pausing. 

“What?” Alex snapped as Henry turned his head slightly towards him. “You going to hate on my voice again?”

He saw the way Henry’s Adam’s apple rose with a thick swallow. “Better.” Was all the man said and he pushed past Alex once more. 

Alex scoffed and rolled his eyes, letting himself gently fall back into a chair. He let out another groan as he pushed his hands through his hair. This man was hot and cold. Mostly cold, but when he was hot, he was scalding. Alex had tried to push thoughts of Henry’s naked body out of his mind. In reality it was like he knew two different Henry’s. The one he had hooked up with who had been alive with light, and this Henry who was haunted and icy. 

People began trickling in and he sat up as they did, looking at his phone instead of making eye contact. He felt too raw at the moment to talk to people. He didn’t even react when Henry came back into the room for a second time along with Rafael. 

It was easier to ignore him and fall into the music than try and decipher what the hell was wrong with Henry.

\---------

“I heard you’re being an ass again.” Bea cornered Henry on the way to the pit.

Henry looked up, nearly running into his older sister and he frowned. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, is there more than one instance that you have to think about it?” Bea raised her eyebrows. 

“No.” Henry muttered.

Bea jumped in front of him and pointed her finger in his face. “Henry Fox I swear to god if you’re being a jerk to the new people I’m going to--”

“Do what? Ground me?” Henry smirked, his eyes glittering.

“I’ll force you to do the dishes for an entire week.” She brightened with a rather evil look on her face.

Henry froze. “Now that’s just mean.” He said as he got out of the way for a violinist who grumbled at the both of them.

“Oh shove it Stan!” Bea called after the older man. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “He’s annoyed that I’m second chair and he’s third.” 

Henry gave her a look of weariness. 

“Stop harassing the new kids. Especially the ones that have Diaz in their name.” Bea warned again and it was Henry’s turn to roll his eyes.

“He’s an asshole Bea. Totally cocky and doesn’t have stuff to back it up.” Henry started moving again towards the pit only for Bea to kick the back of his knees slightly but hard enough to make him stumble a bit. “Stop it!”

“Stop making us look bad! People are going to think I’m a jerk too.” Bea stuck out her tongue and pushed her way past Henry this time and he looked up at the ceiling and let out a sigh before moving forward again. 

Bea found her seat in the string section and Henry sat at the piano. The pit was cramped as usual with stands and chairs and people chatting. It was already getting stuffy despite the fact that it was open air. He was just glad that he was towards the front. He nodded to the conductor who gave him a little nod back and he joined in with the warm up. 

It was going to be the first run through of the first Act with the new people. He wouldn’t be surprised if there was at least one injury during the barricade scene so he was glad that they weren’t doing it during this run through. He was used to the chaos of this though. Les Mis had been his entire life for the past several months and it was like muscle memory at this point. 

He looked over at Bea who was warming up her violin as he massaged his hands absently. He was still warm from earlier today, but he flexed his fingers anyway. 

Bea was right, he was being an ass. There was no doubt about that fact, but he couldn’t help it. Everything about Alex rubbed him the wrong way. The man was cocky and arrogant, but when he walked in on him singing earlier that morning Henry suddenly got it. 

He got why Alex had been chosen. 

The man’s passion had shone through his voice and he was left with chills despite wishing he hadn’t. 

That didn’t mean he liked him though.

He could appreciate Alex’s voice while still finding the man infuriating.

He heard the actors milling around on the stage and he let himself zone out until he heard Rafael over the microphone and the conductor’s baton tapped against his stand. He let his fingers hover over the keys as the conductor silently counted off and then he let the music take him. 

Act one was relatively boring in the beginning, at least storyline wise. The music was always magnificent, especially with Oscar Diaz at the helm as Jean Valjean. He had to admit the man was a powerhouse, there was no denying that. 

He could hear the different voices in this run through what with the new understudies stepping in for different songs. June still performed as Fantine and Pez as Enjolras, but there was a new sound for Cosette, Eponine, and of course Alex as Marius. 

He caught Bea’s eye when ABC Cafe started and he rolled his eyes when Bea grinned at him. Alright, so Alex’s voice did mesh well with the ensemble. He grumbled to himself under his breath as he continued to play. Even A Heart Full of Love sounded good with Alex stepping in for Liam. 

In Henry’s defense he hadn’t sounded like that during rehearsals. 

When One Day More finally came to a close and the last note ended he let himself slump like he always did after playing nonstop since the beginning. He flexed his fingers again as he stretched his back, arms coming up over his head. He cracked his neck.

“Nicely done everyone.” Rafael said over the microphone. “Let’s take 15 and then set up for the barricade blocking. I want to run through that part of Act two.” 

“I thought you said he wasn’t good.” Bea arched an eyebrow as she bumped against Henry and forced him to scoot over on the piano bench.

“He wasn’t.” Henry said as he flexed his hands again.

“Sounds like you’re losing your touch.” Bea smirked at him. “Or perhaps you’re letting your personal feelings get in the way.”

His head whipped towards Bea without thought. Did she know? Did she know that it was Alex that he had been seeing the night he slipped back into their shared apartment at 3 in the morning? Knowing the gossips of the production, he could only guess the answer was yes.

“Nora may have mentioned it by accident.” Bea shrugged. “I thought we were past this Hen.” Her voice quieted as her hand slipped around his forearm. 

He twitched away on impulse. “I’m not about to disclose my sex life to my sister.” He hissed harshly. 

Her eyes were sad but she didn’t berate him. “Is it the reason why you’re picking on him so much? Or is it because you went out and feel guilty?”

Henry didn’t look at her, instead he massaged the palms of his hand until Bea took them in her own. He hadn’t even realized he was doing it until she stopped him. He swallowed thickly and then took a deep breath in through his nose. “It was a stupid mistake. Won’t happen again.”

Rafael got back on the microphone calling for places for the top of Act two. 

“Henry.” Bea said softly. 

“Leave it B.” He said, not looking at her again. She slipped off the bench and headed towards her seat. He didn’t look over in her direction at all as they went through the barricade scenes multiple times. He let himself get lost in the music because it was easier imaging himself as a French revolutionary than as himself. 

All too soon though Rafael called it a day and they were left to their own devices for the rest of the night. Henry felt like he had been slapped when he finally had to come back into his own body. He took a moment like he always did, closing his eyes, working the tendons in his hands. 

“You wanna get dinner?” Bea asked him and he opened his eyes. 

He shook his head. “No, I’m going home.” 

She looked at him for a long moment before nodding. “Alright, I’ll see you later tonight then.”

He nodded and took his time closing the lid of the piano and covering the keys with the fall board. At that point the pit was empty and he made his way towards the rehearsal studio where he had left his things. He heard voices in the hallways of course, people milling about talking about whatever but he didn’t pay attention to any of it. He felt a bit like a ghost after run throughs like these. 

He nearly didn’t notice the man standing in front of him until he almost crashed into him. 

“Hey watch it-oh.” Alex turned and frowned when he saw it was Henry. He instantly crossed his arms and raised his chin. “Let me guess, you’re going to tell me I was terrible?”

Henry didn’t want to do this now. He really _really_ didn’t want to do this now. All he wanted to do was go home and eat whatever cheap meal he could scrounge up and go the fuck to bed. “No, I’m not.”

Alex’s expression flashed to confusion for a split second before scowling. “Now you think I’m fine?”

He attempted to move past Alex to get into the room where his bag was but Alex side stepped him to block his way. “Please move.” He said wearily. 

“No. You’ve made this experience so far a living hell and now suddenly you think you can just ignore all of that?” Alex’s eyes were blazing and all Henry wanted to do was get far away from them. 

“You got better though.” He said with a shrug. “If I hadn’t pushed you you wouldn’t have.” 

Alex scoffed and got right up in Henry’s face. He tried to take a few steps back but the hallways were small and his back came up against the wall. “There’s pushing and then there’s being an asshole.” Alex jabbed his finger into Henry’s chest. “You were being a dick.”

Henry’s anger spiked. He knew Alex was telling the truth but he didn’t like being touched like this. He slapped Alex’s hand away. “Fuck off.” He growled and pushed his way past Alex to grab his bag. 

Alex stalked after him, cornering him once more. “You’re just pissed that I won’t sleep with you again.”

Henry straightened up as he slung his bag over his shoulder and laughed. “Is that what you think I care about? The fact that I don’t even remember half of us hooking up should say a lot.”

Alex’s eyes were blazing now. “I am great in bed.”

Henry crossed his arms. “I don’t care.”

Alex pushed him against the piano in the studio and yanked his head down to kiss him hard. He let out a muffled sound of protest and it took him a moment to realize what was happening. He couldn’t help the way his body seemed to relax into the feeling of Alex’s soft, full lips against his own, but then he came back to himself and pushed Alex off of him.

“What part about I don’t care did you not understand?” He growled but Alex only had a look of triumph on his face.

“You kissed me back.”

“Fuck off.” He repeated and pushed past Alex once more and ignored the way his heart was beating a tick faster and the way his legs seemed a bit like jelly. 

It would never work, it never _could_ work. Alex was brash and confident whereas Henry was….Henry. 

It would never work.

Why did he want it to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am booboo the fool putting out two chapters in twenty-four hours. Y'all....I need some help here. Don't expect this to be a daily occurrence though. I am so Tired. (BUT THESE BOYS UGHHH)
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

Alex was naturally a little shit. He had learned it from day one when his mother told him that he had tried to headbutt her when he was being read to. It was just a part of life for him and as he had grown older, it translated to him becoming vocal and abrasive and always speaking his mind. He was an extrovert at heart and he had yet to meet someone who could quiet him on the inside. His mind ran a mile a minute and he never got time to rest except when he was passed the fuck out. 

When Henry had kissed him back, he had a taste of the quiet. 

What came before and what came after was all white noise and chaos, but during? 

Pure quiet.

And then Henry had left him behind, shoving him and telling him to fuck off and so he had. He may be a little shit, but he was good at taking orders when he deemed them important. He had seen the storm in Henry’s eyes. He knew when to back off from a fight, despite everyone telling him differently. He may be a little shit but he knew when to back off.

So he had.

But like everything he did, he couldn’t stay away from it for very long. He tended to obsess over things and right now Henry was his side project. Learning his blocking and his music was first priority, but his second priority was Henry. 

It was really annoying that the dude had a very small online presence so internet stalking couldn’t even amount to much. Mostly just Henry being tagged in whatever Bea and Nora had tagged him in. Pez had quite a few pictures with the man but there were very few that Henry actually smiled.

(Alex had saved those to his phone in a separate folder.)

“So you’re telling me that Henry has reasons that he’s a total dick?” Alex asked one afternoon as he and Pez were stretching a bit before going through Act two run through. 

Pez turned to him and gave him a curious look. “He’s still being a dick to you? Usually he eases up by now.”

Alex shrugged. “I’m a poker. I tend to poke people and annoy them.”

That made Pez laugh. “Henry’s definitely not the type to enjoy being poked. He’s the sleepy bear.”

“I see someone that doesn’t want to be poked and I automatically want to poke them. I can’t help it.” Alex sighed as he fell onto his back on the stage. He knew the ground was filthy but all he was wearing was an old t-shirt and joggers. They hadn’t done much costume work yet. The lights were still blinding and hot though. He figured he would at least keep pants on to get used to doing the barricade scenes in hot clothing. 

Alex looked up at the rigging, not really focusing on anything until a shadow came across his face. It wasn’t for him.

“What’s up Henry?” Pez asked and Alex quickly flicked his eyes to the taller man who at this vantage point looked like even more of a giant.

“Nothing, just needed to get out of the pit for a second.” Henry said as he looked through his phone. 

Alex raised an eyebrow. Was Henry not even going to acknowledge him? He lightly kicked Henry’s ankle. All the man did was move a bit to the side. Alex’s mouth twisted into a smile and he scooted forward to kick him again in the ankle. Henry grumbled and moved to stand next to Pez. Alex scooted forward again, his shirt riding up on his hips and this time he kicked Henry in the back of the knee, making the man’s leg collapse for a moment before he got it under him once more.

“Oi! Stop it.” Henry snapped, turning to glare at Alex who only grinned madly. 

“Now you’re gonna pay attention to me?” He asked innocently, cocking his head. He didn’t miss the way Henry’s eyes fell onto his exposed abdomen. 

“Break’s over.” Henry grumbled and made his way back towards the pit. 

“See? I’m a poker.” Alex shrugged at Pez who burst into laughter.

“He hates you so much oh my god.” 

Alex cackled under his breath as he sat up, pulling his shirt down right as Nora stood over him.

“Stop flirting.” Nora put her hands on her hips. 

“I’m not flirting.”

“I thought you hated him.” 

“That’s what I thought too.” Pez added and Alex rolled his eyes at both of them.

“Don’t worry about it.” Alex said. 

“Come on, we’re about to start. Ready for me to die in your arms?” Nora asked and held out her hand for Alex to take.

“I will keep you safe.” Alex sang as he took Nora’s hand and she yanked him to his feet, leaving the ground for a moment from the strength of it. “Jesus Christ have you been working out?”

“Gotta keep my lady happy.” Nora shrugged and Alex gave her a slightly disgusted look.

“I don’t need to know what you and June get up to.” 

It was Nora’s turn to roll her eyes. “You are such an infant.” 

Alex stuck out his tongue, only cementing the fact that Nora was right. They got in place for Act two, starting with building the barricade. Alex watched from the wings as Nora sang On My Own which led into At the Barricade and then Shaan coming in as Javert. He could see Zahra from the wings watching with her clipboard tight in her fingers. He kept his composure but he would have to ask Pez later what was going on there.

Then it was him and Nora singing to each other and Alex felt himself wash away and Marius take over. Nora was so good. She was giving him so much to work with and the last word that he sang alone lingered throughout the theater. Alex was officially gone. Only Marius and his love for Eponine were left. 

The rest of the barricade scenes continued. He slipped on a piece of it, bashing his knee but he kept a straight face even though he knew he was going to get a nasty bruise. Pez looked at him briefly when he slipped but they were professionals and neither of them broke. 

When his dad came over to throw him over his shoulder for the sewer scene he stayed still and limp despite wanting to laugh at the audacity of it. His own father was the one to carry him but he wasn’t Alex, he was Marius and his father was Valjean. Sometimes he had to remember that.

He got a break while Shaan sang and he saw Zahra stop talking and pay attention. He looked over a Pez who was leaning against a table while he waited for the Epilogue. Pez looked at Zahra and nodded slowly in confirmation raising his eyebrows with a smile. Alex had to bite back a snort and try and keep himself in character. 

The moment he stepped back onto the stage he was Marius once more, riddled with survivor's guilt and anger that all of his friends were dead and gone. He limped with his cane singing to the heavens to give him back his friends but no one was listening. He was alone until Cosette joined him once more and they were whisked off to their wedding. 

He watched his father die and join his sister who had been scrolling on her phone in the background while she waited for Fantine to come back to take Valjean to his heavenly place. 

The chills he got when the voices joined together one last time before they finished, sound echoing around the empty seats never got old for him. It only served as a reminder to why he had chosen to do this for his career. 

“Nicely done.” Rafael said over the microphone in the audience. “Let’s do the barricade scenes again. The blocking’s still a little choppy.” 

Alex felt himself sink back down into his own body for only a moment until he was back at the beginning of the barricade and doing it all over. 

He wasn’t sure how long he was Marius until Rafael called it a night and he felt himself shake off the character. Marius’s open and forgiving nature melted away and all that was left was himself. 

“Nice job mijo.” His dad bumped him with his shoulder. 

“Thanks for not farting while carrying me.” He grinned and Oscar lightly whacked him upside the head. 

“Such a little shit.” 

He laughed and shrugged. “Never said I wasn’t.” 

“If only Marius rubbed off on you just a little bit more.” Oscar sighed dramatically. 

“You know what that’s called? Acting.” He said with a shit eating grin and ducked again when his dad tried to whack him again. He laughed as Oscar slung an arm around his shoulder and gave him a noogie before releasing him. 

“Go and be chaotic somewhere far from me.” Oscar said as if giving his blessing. Alex gave him a thumbs up and went to go find his friends.

Pez was standing with Bea and June and Nora were walking up. 

“Alex, want to come with us? We’re going out for drinks and karaoke.” Bea said and Alex brightened like he hadn’t just spent hours singing. 

“Hell _yes_ I’m so down. Let me go grab my things.” Alex clapped excitedly. He liked karaoke but then again he was a Broadway actor. Did any of them not like karaoke? He hurried up the steps towards the rehearsal studio where he had left his bag and found Henry grabbing his things as well. 

Henry rose when he saw Alex come in. 

Alex stopped instantly, looking at Henry to try and see what sort of mood the man was in. “You coming to karaoke?”

Henry frowned. “What?”

“Karaoke. Your sister’s coming.” Alex said as he slung his backpack over his shoulder. 

Henry let out a loud sigh, tilting his head up towards the ceiling. The way the golden sunlight from the dying sun hit him he looked a bit like a man out place in time. “I’m not singing.” Henry said gruffly and Alex pursed his lips.

“Wow, what a shock.” He said in a monotone voice. “Come on you stuipd asshole.”

Henry glared at him but followed nonetheless. 

Alex wondered if he was doing this because he was a masochist at heart. Henry had been terrible to him yet here he was, wanting the man to come along to his grand old time with his friends. He would probably be awkward and terrible and a stick in the mud, but still Alex wanted him to come. Fuck he was in deep without even realizing it.

There was something Henry that made him want to learn more. Something broken and sharp inside the man that the curious part of Alex desperately wanted to unearth. 

And he was a good lay. He would never admit that out loud but fuck it if it wasn’t the truth.

“Henry’s coming too.” Alex announced as he found the rest of the group.

“Wow really?” Bea’s eyebrows rose in surprise. 

“Don’t make a big deal about it.” Henry grumbled as he adjusted his strap on his shoulder.

Bea just grinned and looped her arm through Henry’s and they all headed out of the theater together and towards a karaoke bar that Pez knew intimately. 

“How did you get this to happen?” Pez asked in a quiet voice as he and Alex walked side by side.

“I just asked.” He shrugged. Pez looked back at Henry who was talking with Bea.

“He never comes along.” 

Now it was Alex’s turn to look back and when he did Henry’s shadowy blue eyes were boring into him and kept him there until Pez tugged on his sleeve to lead him across the crosswalk. “Guess he comes for me.” Pez snorted and Alex realized the innuendo he made without even realizing it. “Oh my god don’t repeat that.”

“You’re the one who said it!” Pez laughed and Alex shoved Pez to the side who only laughed harder. 

“Alright you flirts, don’t fling yourself into the street.” June warned over her shoulder.

“No promises.” Alex gave her a look and she gave him a warning with her eyes and then they were inside the dim bar and Alex was more than ready to get his belting on.

\---------

Henry had been trying to keep his distance from Alex since their kiss that was more like an assault on his senses but he considered it a kiss nonetheless because he had returned it, some base part of him desiring Alex. It was impossible to ignore Alex though when the man constantly tried to bug him from knocking into him to pestering him with questions. 

He had finally given up today, resigning himself to admitting that he actually liked Alex as an actor and as a singer. He had probably misjudged Alex too early, letting his conflicted feelings about accidentally sleeping with him cloud his judgement but he was too prideful to go back and apologize. 

His guilt was the only reason he was sitting here in this karaoke bar watching June and Nora duet Don’t Go Breaking My Heart, their smiles wide and loose. Pez was whooping as they sang while Henry sunk farther down in his seat. 

“You are such a buzzkill.” Alex laughed. He hadn’t meant to sit by the man but before he could protest Alex had slipped into the seat next to him and no one had said anything about it. “You should get a shot or something. Loosen up these incredibly tense shoulders.” 

Alex had his hands around said shoulders and he tensed even more. He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be in this moment with Alex’s warmth seeping through the thin cotton of his t-shirt, thumbs digging into his muscles. 

“Stop touching me.” He muttered, shaking Alex off whose face flashed to disappointment only for a blink-then-you’ll-miss-it before settling on amusement. 

“Whatever.” Alex grinned as he took Henry’s shot that the bartender had placed in front of him. 

“I’m going to the bathroom.” He said, mostly to himself and rose. He made his way through the mess of tables and found the bathroom empty. In the fluorescent light his face looked gaunt and hollow. He fumbled through his pockets and brought out his pill bottle and shook out two, knocking them back dry. He rested his hands against the sink and took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. He straightened and moved like a ghost back to the table.

June and Nora were back and Bea gave him a questioning look. He brushed her off before sitting back down. He absently massaged his hands, pretending like he was listening to the conversation but really he was zoning out. 

“Henry.” Alex’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Hm?” He asked, automatically turning towards the sound of his name.

Alex gave him a questioning look. “Did you hear me?” 

“No.” He said simply and Alex pursed his lips.

“I asked if you wanted to duet with me.” 

“No.” He repeated and looked ahead.

“Alright. But this next song is for you.” Alex smirked at him and rose from his seat as his name was called. 

Henry didn’t react much but his hands tightened in his lap as he watched Alex go up to the stage and take the microphone from the DJ. Alex stood in the middle of the stage and his eyes stared into Henry’s, a smug smile on his face as he waited for the music to start.

When it did Henry instantly recognized the music and he sank down a little lower in his seat as Kiss by Prince came over the speakers. _Fuck_. 

Alex grunted into the mic before starting to shimmy across the small stage while the group whooped and hollered. Alex started to sing the lyrics into the microphone, attempting to imitate Prince’s high pitch. Of course Alex made it more Broadway than Prince did of course, vibrato on any note longer than the punchy short beats that dominated the song. 

“You don’t have to be rich to be my boy,” Alex sang, changing the wording. “You don’t have to be cool to rule my world.” 

Henry felt his face heat up in the dimness of the bar and he wanted to crawl into a hole but Alex’s gaze was rooting him to the spot and he couldn’t even attempt to look away. 

The rest of the bar was getting into it and Nora was standing on her chair pumping the air as Alex started to dance around the audience, twirling drunk women and shimmying up against men who begrudgingly let it happen. Then he came in front of Henry for the last chorus. Nora and Pez quickly pulled the table back away from Henry so Alex could get close to Henry who was absolutely refusing to budge. 

Alex straddled his lap, looking deep into his soul with a twisted smile. Henry begged his body not to react to the sudden weight on his crotch and he felt his hands twitch, wanting automatically to go to Alex’s ass but he kept them where they were on the sides of the chair. 

“I just want your extra time and your,” Alex sang, getting the last beats run out. “Kiss.” 

Alex was a hair's breadth away from Henry’s lips and Henry let out a breath through his nose, mouth parting without even realizing it. 

“Let’s give it up for Alex everyone!” The DJ interrupted the heated moment and Alex leaned back with a smug look and got up from Henry’s lap. Henry didn’t even hear the way the bar was yelling and clapping. He didn’t move as Bea and June put the table back where it was and sat down, chattering.

All he could see was the way Alex’s hips swayed a bit as he walked back to hand off the microphone to the DJ and walk back. 

God he needed a fucking drink. 

“That was so hot!” Pez crowed as Alex came back to their table. Alex laughed as he sat down, taking a big gulp of his drink and slung his arm across the back of Henry’s chair. 

“What did you think hot shot?” Alex asked, leaning over to ask, his heated breath tickling his ear.

Henry jerked back automatically leaving Alex only to smirk at him as the man leaned back. He took another sip, eyes never leaving Henry’s face as he did. 

“Excuse me.” He said and rose from his seat. Bea and June were talking animatedly while Pez and Nora were hyping Alex up who shrugged like it was no big deal that he has practically given Henry a lapdance. 

“Four tequila shots please.” Henry said to the bartender who only grinned at him.

“Quite the boyfriend you’ve got there.” The man said as he brought out the shot glasses. 

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Henry snapped. Who the fuck did this bartender think he was?

“Could have fooled me. You’ve definitely had some tension there.” The bartender shrugged as he poured the shots. Henry handed him the money and took the shots all in a row, wincing hard after the last one. The bartender raised his eyes but said nothing.

“Give me two more.” Henry said after he recovered. The bartender did just that and he took them before walking back to his seat. The fire at the back of his throat didn’t burn nearly as hot as the way Alex looked at him but he said nothing as he sat back down. 

The rest of the night was Henry watching other karaoke songs, ignoring Alex, and pretending like he was listening. Really though he felt the alcohol burn through his system, mixing with the pills that he had taken earlier. Everything was starting to get hazy and he was grateful for it. 

He needed to pee suddenly. 

“I gotta pee.” He slurred to himself and rose from the table. Alex’s head had turned toward him quickly when he spoke. Bea was deep in conversation with Nora.

“You good bro?” Alex asked. 

Henry tried to take a step but his legs weren’t quite listening to his mind. He stumbled a bit into Alex’s chair. 

Alex quickly stood up. “You are not good. Come on I’ve got you.” 

He didn’t want Alex to help him but he couldn’t exactly say no when Alex slung an arm around his waist and helped him to the bathroom, pretending like Henry was the one helping him instead. 

“I thought you weren’t drinking tonight.” Alex said as he went to the bathroom. Henry had opted for a stall despite the fact that Alex had already seen his dick. Everything was spinning as he attempted to make his way out to the sinks when he was done. 

“You don’t know anything about me.” He grumbled, words fitting together in a blurred sort of way. He washed his hands while Alex lounged against the wall. Everything was hazy except Alex who was practically in technicolor. “You have to reach level twenty-five to unlock my backstory and you’re still on the tutorial.” 

Alex snorted. “You’re drunk off your ass and you can still come up with that? Okay Henry I guess you don’t need my help.” He held up his hands and started to go. Henry’s brow furrowed as he tried to follow after but only led to him running his shoulder into the door jam and almost slipping on loose paper towels. “Oh shit, easy.” Alex said, coming back to hold him up. 

Alex smelled nice and he was warm. He was disgusted at that realization, but that didn’t stop him from finding his nose in Alex’s curls, eyes closing for a moment. 

“Let’s go to my place. I’m just a short subway ride away okay? I don’t think you want Bea seeing you like this right?” Alex asked and Henry shook his head. He stood up straighter as they walked out the back door. Alex paused to shoot a text to the group before taking up his arm around Henry once more. 

The walk was unremarkable but the subway ride was him leaning heavily against Alex, trying to keep his eyes open. The alcohol and the painkillers were messing with his head and all he wanted to do was sleep. 

“Henry.” Alex nudged him and he startled which only made Alex give him a small smile. “This is my stop, let’s go.” 

Henry nodded and he rose unsteadily. Alex put his arm back around his waist and then they were walking towards Alex’s apartment. This all felt rather familiar. The trees lining the street and the way Alex’s door needed a heavy shove to open. 

He had almost forgotten he had been here before until Alex pushed him lightly onto the bed. 

“You aren’t going to puke right? Oh fuck it, I’ll get the trashcan just in case.” Alex said and disappeared out of his room towards the bathroom. Henry looked around at the posters on the wall, most of the Star Wars or Broadway related. He was spinning even as he was sitting still. “Here we go. If you feel like you’re going to throw up just puke into the trashcan okay? Don’t fuck up my sheets.”

“Where you?” He slurred, missing a few words. Alex frowned at him. 

“Where me? I’m right here.”

Henry shook his head. “No. Where you sleeping?”

“I’ll be on the couch.” 

Henry shook his head again and reached out to tug at Alex’s jacket sleeve. “No. Here.” Alex hesitated. “Just do it.” Henry rolled his eyes. He struggled to get out of his jacket, his arms not wanting to work right slip out of the sleeves. He felt Alex’s fingers pull it off and lay it over the chair.

“Fine. I’ll be back.” Alex said and then he was gone again. 

Henry pulled off his shoes, taking entirely too long to do so and then he was falling back against the pillows. Everything felt heavy and stuffy, like his body was full of cotton. He must have fallen asleep though because when he woke up, Alex’s arm was slung across his body and the man was sleeping hard, cheek pressed against his shoulder blade. 

He fell back asleep, letting the alcohol drag him down once more. 

He kept waking up but Alex still hadn’t left him.

Why couldn’t he let this happen when he wasn’t completely sloshed? Why did he have to make it harder for himself when Alex was right here being open?

He knew the reason but he wished he could cut that part of himself out and leave it behind. It was buried too deep though. It would forever be a part of him, a black stain across his soul. 

Even if Alex was a bright light that chased away the shadows.

He scooted back and Alex hugged him harder for a moment before relaxing and Henry let out a sigh. He didn’t deserve anything this man had to give. All he could do was take. 

He slipped out from Alex’s grip and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh to be a boy pining and refusing to admit you're pining and then you get a lapdance from the boy you're pining about and take way too many shots to get over the fact that you're pining. Sigh.
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions: alcohol/pill abuse

Henry felt like shit. Both physically and emotionally.

The alcohol was gone from his system but all that was left was the blinding pain of a hangover and the guilt that seeped into his very bones. 

Sometimes he wondered if he was better than this. If he was better than getting drunk after taking his pills, knowing what it would do to him. 

“You coming?” Bea asked sharply. She leaned against the doorframe with her arms crossed. He groaned and covered himself with his blankets, blocking out the light. He scrunched his eyes closed when he felt his bed dip down a bit from the weight of Bea sitting. “Hen.” She said softly.

He didn’t move.

“Henry Edward James, I swear to god if you don’t look at me I’m going to force those blankets off your head.” Bea snapped and Henry rolled his eyes before peeking only his eyes. He saw the anger in Bea’s eyes but also the concern on her face. He hated the way she always felt responsible for him and his actions. 

“What?” He asked, his voice raspy.

“Why?” She asked softly again.

He quickly looked away for a long moment before shrugging and making a noncommittal sound. He knew Bea had been through this before. They were both damaged goods but she had gotten better. She had come out of it alive and he was still just a husk pretending to be a man.

He could feel her eyes on him. “How long has it been?” She finally asked.

His gaze flicked to hers. He knew what she meant. He made another noncommittal sound. 

“Do you even still need the pills anymore?” 

Now his eyes narrowed and he fully turned his head away. 

“I’m not trying to judge you Henry, I’m just worried. You know you should be mixing alcohol with those. Now it’s affecting your work. I know you can’t go in today but Rafael is going to be pissed. We’re so close to starting the new run and you’re the only piano player that knows the entire show.” Bea explained. 

“Don’t you think I know that?” He snapped, still not looking at her. “Just go Bea.” 

Bea sighed. “Henry you really need to go to meetings. We can go together.” 

He didn’t turn to face her but he squeezed his eyes shut. 

She patted his side lightly. “I’ll make your excuses. See you later.” 

He slowly opened his eyes when he felt her presence leave and he curled up tighter into a ball. He wasn’t sure how long he laid there but it was long enough for it to not be comfortable anymore. Still, he couldn’t make himself move. 

He fucked up. He knew that. He knew that Bea was speaking the truth. He should be going to AA and NA meetings with her but that felt like accepting defeat. That felt like he couldn’t get his life together. He knew rationally that even the most normal people needed help sometimes. He knew that asking for help wasn’t a big deal but to him it felt like the end of the world. It felt like he was a failure and he was much too prideful for that. 

He watched the sunlight change, going from soft to blinding to golden. He didn’t move all day. He had tried to sleep some but his eyes kept focusing on one spot on his wall where the shadows liked to move with the same sun. His mind was whirling and spewing dark and dangerous things and he couldn’t seem to stop. It was on a loop that wouldn’t give up.

The only thing that made it stutter to a stop was the sound of the door opening and two sets of footsteps coming through. He didn’t turn to look until he felt the bed shift under him.

“How’s the patient?” A deeper voice than what he was expecting made him startle and he moved his head to see Alex sitting at the edge of his bed. 

“What are you doing here?” He frowned, eyes flicking to Bea who stood in the doorway. She didn’t say anything but gave him a bit of a sheepish smile.

“When you weren’t there to harp on my terribleness I kinda missed you.” Alex shrugged with a 1000 watt smile. It felt too bright to look at so he turned away. “Oh don’t be like that. I brought you soup.” 

“I don’t want soup.” Henry grumbled. 

“If you don’t eat it I won’t go away.” Alex said in a sing-song voice. It sounded like he was trying to talk to an insolent child and Henry wondered if that was how he was acting. He _knew_ that was how he was acting but he couldn’t seem to stop. 

“Fine.” He said and sat up, wincing a bit at the sudden rush to his brain as he did. He didn’t move from his bed but Alex seemed to brighten as he moved. 

“I’ll go heat this up then. It’s potato soup.” Alex hopped up and headed to the kitchen.

“Be nice to him Henry.” Bea warned and Henry glared at her.

“What did you tell him?” He whispered.

She stepped farther into the room. “Nothing specific, just that you weren’t feeling good and wouldn’t be coming in. I think he assumed you were just hungover which you _are_.”

Henry nodded as he swallowed thickly, fingers twisting into his blanket. Alex came back with a steaming bowl and handed it to him. “Thanks.” He said quietly, stirring it.

“This is a nice little set up you’ve got going.” Alex said, looking around his bedroom. Henry saw it through the eyes of a stranger. It was messy and needed a clean but was inherently him. There was a keyboard in front of the window and posters of his favorite plays and sheet music scattered everywhere. 

Henry shrugged as he blew on the spoonful of soup and took a bite. It was the first thing he had eaten all day and it was good. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was. 

“Alright scoot over.” Alex said and Henry frowned.

“What?” 

“Scoot over, I brought movies.” Alex said and reached into his backpack and brought out his laptop. “Nothing better than movies when you’re sick.” Henry scooted over and Alex sat on his bed, stealing a few pillows to prop behind him. Henry watched as Alex opened his laptop, his background a picture of him, June, and Nora somewhere on the coast. He opened up his video player and brought up Phantom of the Opera. 

“Seriously?” Henry looked at Alex with a raised eyebrow. It was the movie version with Emmy Rossum.

“Yes, seriously. It’s good. Eat your soup and shut up.” Alex ordered and hit play. 

They watched it together, Henry eventually finishing his bowl and putting it on his nightstand. Somehow he had found himself scrunched down, leaning against Alex’s shoulder, the man lightly stroking his hair as they watched the musical. He knew he should be moving away, it was so intimate, but he couldn’t bear to force himself to do it. 

“Did you drink last night because of me?” Alex asked after they were silent for a while.

Henry shifted but didn’t look Alex in the face. “Maybe.”

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Alex replied after a bit. “I don’t know how to act sometimes. I should have known you wouldn’t have liked the lapdance.” 

“I don’t know how to act either.” Henry said simply and didn’t offer up anything more. Alex just nodded and they continued to watch. 

Henry didn’t realize how tired he was until his eyes slowly closed, attempting to stay awake but Alex was so warm and he was stroking his hair and he felt safe. He’d never admit it, but he did. 

So he let himself sleep against Alex.

\---------

Alex let himself slowly slide out from next to Henry. He needed to head back to his own place. Early call time in the morning.

He found Bea on the couch watching Grey’s Anatomy. She paused it when he came through the doorway. 

“He’s asleep.” He said, gesturing back to Henry’s bedroom and Bea nodded.

“Thanks for coming. I don’t know if he would thank you himself but it means a lot to him that you care. Usually he would have pushed away everyone at this point.” She said with a sad smile.

Alex nodded and fiddled with his backpack straps for a moment. He wanted to ask, but he didn’t know if it was his place. Bea seemed to read his thoughts and she patted the cushion on the sofa next to her. He gratefully took it. 

“I asked him if he drank last night because of me and he said maybe. I don’t know what that means.” Alex said, messing with a loose thread on a throw pillow.

“Henry’s had a rough go of it. For a long time.” Bea said after pausing. 

“I don’t want to intrude. I know backstories and such are personal but I just...I need to know if I should leave him alone. I’m not good at knowing when to do that.” Alex said as he leaned into the back of the couch. “I push people until they yell at me to stop. I don’t know how to stop that.”

“Please don’t. I haven’t seen him interested in someone like he is with you in a long time. He’s been a ghost for so long but I’ve seen a spark in him since you’ve come around. He’s not good at saying so but he cares about you too. Him being mean is his defense mechanism.” Bea reached out and patted Alex’s arm lightly. 

Alex nodded and sighed. “Should I be worried about him though? That wasn’t just a hangover was it?”

Bea was silent before slowly shaking her head. “Henry’s...well, Henry’s not sick physically. He doesn’t want to get help for it and I can’t force him to.”

Alex frowned. “Why not?”

Bea gave him a sad smile. “In order to change you have to want to do it.”

Alex wasn’t familiar with this. “What can I do?”

“Don’t give up on him. He likes you. I can tell. Liking Henry isn’t something that’s easy though. If you’re in this, you have to be fully in it. I know it’s a lot and I don’t blame you if you didn’t want this, but believe me when I say, when Henry loves, he loves with his full heart. And that scares him.”

Alex’s eyebrows rose. “Love?”

Bea shook her head. “There’s more than just romantic love you know.”

Alex nodded slowly. This was a lot. It was. Henry had been a dick to him but there was something about him that drew Alex to him. The way Henry fell into music, the way it consumed him was the same way Alex felt. The way Henry smiled, an actual genuine smile, sent heat rushing through him. The way Henry had wanted him to sleep next to him the night before despite being drunk off his ass and the way Henry curled around him this afternoon was something Alex would be thinking about for a long time. 

“Will he ever tell me?” He blurted out.

“If you let him.” Bea said softly.

His subway ride home was filled with thoughts of Henry. He was a conundrum that Alex couldn’t figure out. At first Henry had been a sort of conquest. A need to get the man to like him because deep down Alex was a people pleaser and he hated the idea that someone didn’t like him. Then being around Henry had become a challenge, a way to keep him coming back. Now Alex didn’t know what to think. 

Henry was a person, not just someone to win. 

Alex was surprised to see Henry at the piano the next day. He looked refreshed but Alex saw the dark circles under the man’s eyes.

“Hi.” He said softly, setting down his backpack gently. 

Henry looked up and grunted. 

“Guess you managed to survive. I’m going to let my potato soup take the credit for that.” He tried for a joke and Henry gave him a wan smile before it faltered.

“You weren’t supposed to see me like that.” Henry’s eyes fell to his sheet music as he massaged his hands. Alex had learned that it was a nervous tic. 

“We all get a little wild sometimes. It’s okay.” Alex sat down on the piano bench, forcing Henry to scoot over. 

He heard the way Henry swallowed before shaking his head. “Not like that.”

“Dude, it’s fine. Why don’t you teach me something while we wait for the others.” Alex brushed it off, wanting to make Henry feel at ease.

“Do you know how to play?” Henry asked, turning to look at Alex who looked back.

“I know the names of the notes kinda.” He reached over and pressed the middle C note. “That’s a C.”

Henry smirked and nodded. “Very good.” 

Alex stuck out his tongue. “Alright don’t be condescending. Teach me something.” 

Henry nodded. He took Alex’s hand’s, looking for approval first. Alex nodded and then watched as Henry placed his fingers on the keys. Henry then put his hand over Alex’s and began to press down. It was slow but Alex instantly recognized the melody for Turning. He looked at Henry who gave him a slightly amused look. 

The melody began to repeat and Alex began to sing. “Did you see them going off the fight? Children of the barricade that didn’t last the night.” It was a haunting song and Alex wondered why Henry had chosen that one. 

They continued the song, Henry playing the bass part with his own hand, not even looking. “Turning, turning, turning through the years.” Henry began to sing softly. Alex joined him but he was staring at Henry, not even looking at the keys while Henry looked down at him. 

They finished the song and there was a heavy silence between them until Henry broke it by moving his hand off Alex’s. 

“I was going to be a prodigy.” Henry said, not looking at Alex. “I was playing in concert halls from the time I was seven. I moved to New York when I was 13 and I’ve been here ever since. My parents wanted me to be a star and I thought I wanted that too but then…” Henry swallowed and Alex took his hand in his own. 

Henry opened his eyes. “I was 15 when me and my dad were on the way to visit my sister in Philadelphia. She was studying at the Curtis Institute. I was pissed and bugging my dad and it was snowing and…”

Alex attempted to keep his face passive but he wasn’t that good of an actor. Not for real things. Not when this was his real life. He automatically gripped Henry’s hand harder. 

“We got in an accident. It was my fault. My dad died on impact and I tried to help him out but instead it messed up my hands.” Henry swallowed hard again. “I heard you talking to Bea last night. I want you to know that I’m not a good person.”

Alex shook his head and placed his free hand on Henry’s cheek, thumb rubbing the stubbled skin.. “Why on earth would you say that? You didn’t mean to cause anything. It’s not your fault.”

Henry jerked out his grasp and scooted away from Alex but not fully leaving the piano bench. “Yes. It is.” 

Alex didn’t know how to deal with this. He didn’t know how to show Henry that he was good because he truly didn’t know. This was the first real conversation that they had actually had.

“I thought I broke up my parents. I thought it was because I left my teddy bear on the side of the road and _demanded_ that my parents go back for it. The next day they sat me and June down and told us that they were getting a divorce and that we would be living with my mom from now on while my dad went on tour. In my mind I caused it but now I know I didn’t.” Alex said, the words coming out in a burst of chaos like everything he did. “It was snowy and it was a freak accident.”

Henry stared at him for a long moment. The connection broke when people started filing into the room and Henry quickly rubbed his sleeve over his eyes. “You better go find your seat.” 

Alex sucked in a breath through his nose but Henry didn’t look at him again. He rose but stopped when Henry’s arm jerked out to grab his sleeve. He turned. 

“I-” Henry started before releasing his grip on Alex.

Alex nodded. “I know.” 

Henry nodded and turned back to his sheet music, ready to get rehearsal started with Rafael coming into the room along with Oscar. 

Alex couldn’t seem to take his eyes of Henry the entire session. Perhaps now they were getting somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. I told you Henry had ~reasons~ we still haven't delved into his problems yet and Alex knows there's something up but don't worry, we'll get there. As always comments are much appreciated!!!!
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	5. Chapter 5

“So he basically told me his life story and now he won’t even look at me.” Alex muttered as he sat in June’s dressing room she shared with Nora. 

“You mean to tell me he’s ghosting you in real life?” June asked as she put her makeup on with a beauty blender. 

“Well, yeah I guess.” Alex said as he threw the crumpled up ball of a forgotten program up into the air over and over again. 

“Have you tried to talk to him?” June looked at Alex in the mirror who only scowled.

“Duh. This ain’t my first rodeo.” Alex pursed his lips.

“I mean, it kind of is Alex. All the other people you’ve been with you’ve just made it a fling or you were too busy to make it a real thing. Which I mean, I get. You haven’t really tried dating in the realm of theater.” June went back to her makeup.

“Are you saying I’m not ready for a relationship? Because I definitely am. The last year I’ve been travelling with Wicked and before that was college.”

“Exactly, you’ve been busy but Alex, I say this only with love, but you’re god awful at keeping a relationship up. I didn’t hear from you like at all when you were travelling unless I reached out first.” June finished with her makeup and brought her hair up in a bun before turning around in her chair to stare at her brother. “I know that’s just what you do and then you also do this thing where when you feel like you haven’t reached out enough you bombard people like you’re trying to make up time.”

“Wow, way to read me within an inch of my life.” Alex fell back onto the couch and continued to throw the ball up in the air.

“Just speaking the truth because I love you.” June shrugged. “You gotta make sure this is what you want before you just go and throw your entire self in.”

Alex sighed. He knew June was right of course. He tended to shut people out without even realizing it and then when he did realize it he went in guns blazing. Hot and cold. Right now all Henry was giving him was cold. 

Was it even worth it? 

Now that he knew some of Henry’s past he felt obligated to stay. How could he leave him after he learned everything about his dad and his accident? He did like Henry after all, otherwise he wouldn’t be trying so hard. 

“Shouldn’t you be putting on your makeup?” June interrupted his thoughts. 

“Yeah, I should go.” He said, rising from the couch and June nodded.

“Hey Alex?”

He paused in the doorway.

“He likes you too. He’s always looking at you when you aren’t looking.” June said with a small smile and he gave her a small smile back.

“Okay stop being all sappy.” He said and she rolled her eyes.

“Men.”

He laughed and then headed down toward the dressing room he shared with Liam, Pez, and a few others of the barricade boys. They were already there getting ready. Today was the first full run through of the show, both acts. He was just grateful that there weren't any costumes yet. That would come later in the week. 

“Ah, he lives.” Liam said as he walked through the door. Liam and Pez were at the dressing table, putting on their stage makeup.

“Aw did you miss me?” He asked, coming in for a giant kiss on Liam’s temple.

Liam pushed him off. “I just did my forehead! Now I’m going to have to redo it.” 

Alex grinned as he plopped down in the only chair left. “Have you heard from Henry?” He asked Pez who was sitting next to him.

“Getting the cold shoulder?” Pez asked, side eying him as he dusted some powder on his cheekbones.

“Maybe.” Alex muttered as he reached for his makeup. He was the only other one that could use it considering he was in between Liam and Pez’s shades. “I don’t want to come on too strong.”

“Too late for that bro.” Liam leaned forward and winked at him. Alex threw a makeup brush at him. Liam let out a scoff and dodged it. “I’m just saying, there’s a reason that he hasn’t invited you to his place except the time you literally hunted down his sister and forced her to take you with her because you got soup for Henry’s poor hungover soul.”

“The man’s got a point Alex.” Pez shrugged. “Henry doesn’t really do big gestures.”

“I thought it was nice.” Alex muttered to himself as he smeared on the makeup. 

“Oh my god don’t do it like that.” Liam tutted and then slapped his hand away. “Let me.” Alex turned in his chair and closed his eyes as Liam dabbed at his face with a sponge. “How the hell did you get this far without being able to put on your own makeup?”

“I was touring okay? We had to make due.” 

“Yeah by not showing you proper technique. You’re on Broadway now bitch. Learn how to do your own makeup right.” Liam scolded him.

“I missed you Liam.” Alex opened his eyes and grinned.

“Yeah, yeah miss you too dork. Even though you’re annoying as fuck you definitely were my best roommate in college.” Liam sighed. “Now close your eyes and hold still.

“Let Henry come to you okay?” Pez added and Alex opened one eye only to get slapped on the wrist again by Liam. “He does like you I promise.” 

Alex sighed and let himself be made up by the boys until it was time to go onstage. The lights were blinding as usual and he was wearing more clothing to get ready for the dress rehearsals later in the week. 

“You look like shit.” Nora said as she breezed past and stopped in front of him. They both weren’t onstage until At the End of the Day. Alex’s voice was much too high for the chain gang and Nora played one of the factory workers.

“Oh I’m great, thanks for asking.” Alex grumbled. 

He was near where the pit players would come by and Nora looked towards where some of them were already coming through. She looked back at Alex. “Ah, hoping to corner a certain piano player?” Nora asked, clasping her hands behind her back and rocking back and forth on her heels. 

“No.” Alex glared. “I’m just...waiting for my cue.” He looked down at his fingernails, attempting to inspect them.

“Better look alive.” Nora whispered into his ear as she waltzed past him to go check in on June. Alex looked up and saw Henry climbing the steps with his binder of sheet music. He quickly stepped forward. Henry looked up and stopped in his tracks.

“What you don’t write?” Alex asked, playing at humor but his smile was nervous.

“Alex.” Henry greeted coldly.

“Oh nuh uh, we ain’t doing that shit.” Alex stepped in front of him. “What the fuck man?” He hissed as the rest of the musicians streamed around them, looking annoyed at being blocked in the narrow hallway. 

“What ever do you mean?” Henry asked in a monotone voice.

“Why are you so hot and cold all the time? I can’t figure you out and I think I’m going crazy so stop it.” 

“I don’t take orders from you about my own life.” Henry said. He sighed and looked around before looking back at Alex. “You’re the first one I’ve really said all those things to before okay? I just...need time to process.”

Alex crossed his arms. “There, was that so hard?”

“Yes, actually, now get out of my way so I don’t get yelled at for being late.” Henry gave him a pointed look. 

Alex stepped out of the way and let Henry through. Henry paused once when he passed Alex, making his heart pound a little harder in his chest and then the man was gone. He sighed and made his way back up to the wings of the stage.

He watched as the beginning of the first Act began. His dad was something to behold as usual. He always had felt a bit of a cloud hanging over his head in the shape of his father. How did you come up through the ranks when your last name was the same as the man who was onstage, bringing the French Revolution to New York City?

How did you follow that?

“Ready bud?” Liam patted him on the back and he jumped a little. He was going on was Fueilly for the second Act, something he would be doing often when Liam was around. 

“Don’t scare me like that.” Alex said, putting his hand across his chest.

Liam just laughed and then it was their cue to take the stage and Alex let himself fall into the role. It was easier to take on the soul of a character than deal with his own life, at least for a little bit. 

When he died in the second Act, he rested in the wings until the Epilogue. He sat on a table and leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. He was tired recently. He hadn’t been sleeping well if he was being completely honest. He just got too in his head and couldn’t quiet it when he tried to fall asleep and instead stared up at the ceiling for hours until he gave up and spent the rest of the early hours of the morning reading or writing or doing something to try and get rid of the built up energy. Usually that would end up not working either and he would find himself wandering the streets near his apartment. 

At least in New York City there was always someone else that had the same chaotic need to walk around before the sun came up.

“Alex! Get the fuck up!” Zahra hissed near him and he startled, eyes opening. 

“Yup! Coming!” He hopped off the table quickly, a little too quickly. He had to take a moment to reorient himself before he lined up in the wings behind Pez for the last song. 

He still got chills when the last note haunted the theater and everyone was silent around him save for their breathing. 

“Nice one. That’s lunch. After, we’ll do it again with understudies.” Rafael’s voice cut through the ringing and Alex let his limbs drop. He was starving.

He sat in June and Nora’s dressing room with his rather depressing salad and picked around it. He was starving of course, but not for this. 

“Eat your damn lettuce.” Nora said to him, “Stop moping.”

“I’m not moping.” He muttered and ate a few bites.

“Yes you are. Stop being all sad, you’re about to do a full run through as Marius, that should cheer you up.” June said brightly and he nodded but didn’t say anything.

He was excited of course, but he still thought of Henry in the back of his brain. Why wasn’t the man more into it? He knew he needed to back off, but it was like word vomit, he couldn’t stop his thoughts. 

When lunch was over, the principals went to the audience of the theater to watch as the understudies stepped in. They would be giving advice later after the run through from their viewpoint as an audience member and as someone who knew the show intimately. 

His father stayed in as Valjean along with Pez as Enjorlas so not much had changed, only Alex was singing a lot more throughout the show. The moment he got off the stage after the first act he chugged water but he was still thirsty. He should have drank more during their breaks but it always slipped his mind. 

Act two started and he put everything into it as usual. He didn’t half ass anything of course. That didn’t mean he struggled a bit though. As they got towards the end and he went on alone he leaned heavily into the cane that he was given for Empty Chairs.

The lights were blinding and hot and everything was starting to spin. He pushed through though. He had to push through.

He had to...

\---------

Henry didn’t know what to think about Alex. He had poured his heart out to him without even meaning to. Alex now knew more than even Pez knew and he had known Pez for far longer than Alex. There was something comforting about talking to Alex, like he knew that his secrets were safe and that he wouldn’t be judged. 

Alex had listened and tried to give him support and Henry didn’t know what to do. Why would he deserve someone like Alex? He had done nothing but be cruel to him, pushing him away without a second thought and still the man came back. It was almost like Alex had a need to torture himself and Henry was the torturer. 

It didn’t seem fair to him.

Every time he tried to extract himself from the situation, there was Alex yet again back for more. Usually people left long before this point. Henry preferred it that way. He didn’t deserve to be known. All he had wanted was a one night stand but instead he had gotten tangled in the web that was Alex and he had yet to try and untangle himself. 

“See, I told you he would stick around.” Bea said as they walked into the pit together. Alex had stopped him and they spoke and then he pushed past him only to find Bea following along in his wake. 

“Whatever.” He grumbled as he went to his piano. She just grinned at him and went to find her own seat to warm up. He rolled his wrists a bit, massaging his hands before he placed his fingers on the keys and began to tune. It was a habit of his. He had just played the piano yesterday, it wasn’t like it had changed much over night, but every musician had their rituals. 

The conductor tapped his baton on the stand when Rafael gave the cue to start and Henry let himself fall into the music. It was easier than letting the thoughts take over his mind. The only bad part was that when he was listening to the music, he could still hear Alex’s voice in the mix. He was playing Fueilly’s part and his voice stood out to Henry. He didn’t think when they first started that that could actually happen. He tried to stay impartial to the actors, knowing that they would come and go as the production continued either getting another role somewhere else or taking a break. Alex was supposed to be one of those but yet here was Henry, actively listening for Alex’s voice in the crowd and finding it.

He attempted to focus on his own music but at this point it was all muscle memory. He was pretty sure he could play the entire show from memory but he focused hard on the notes in front of him until the final note and Rafael called lunch.

“You were listening for him, weren't you?” Bea asked as she came over after putting her violin away.

“And if I was?” Henry looked at her pointedly.

“I would have said that was super cute.” Bea said nonchalantly before breaking into a big smile. “I saw you listening really hard when the barricade boys came on.”

“You’re hopeless.” Henry rolled his eyes but followed after her to grab their lunch. They ate with some of the other members of pit and Henry was grateful he didn’t have to subject himself to being hyper aware of Alex’s presence. Sometimes it could be so much he could scream, especially now that Alex knew so much about him.

Soon it was back into the pit for the second run through, this time with much less familiar voices save for one. He was very aware of Alex as Marius to the point that he hardly saw the notes on the page. 

Something was wrong though, Alex’s voice seemed to be getting weaker and more faint. It wasn’t like a Broadway trained actor to do that. 

He looked up during Empty Chairs when Alex was towards the front of the stage and Henry frowned when he saw Alex leaning heavily on his cane. He continued to play but Alex’s voice started wavering and Henry felt a jolt of fear course through him because he knew it wasn’t just some artistic license. Alex was in trouble.

Midway through the song Alex crumbled and Henry jumped up. 

“Alex!” He shouted. The man had fallen almost into the pit. The rest of the musicians stopped too and there was murmuring in the theater as the sound died.

Before he knew what was happening Henry was out of the pit and taking the stairs up the narrow hallways two at a time. By the time he got onto the stage and skidded to a stop, there was already a group gathering around Alex, Zahra pushing them all back with her sharp words. 

Henry didn’t bother pushing forward into the fray because he was frozen as Alex’s eyes fluttered open to the rafters. He swallowed hard.

“Oh shit, how embarrassing.” Alex said faintly and Henry felt his chest unclench only slightly as his jaw set firmly. “This is gonna be my legacy huh? Fainting on stage even without full costume.” 

The crowd gathered around chuckled and Henry saw that Alex’s head was propped on Oscar’s lap, June and Nora close by. This wasn’t for Henry to intrude on. He was a nobody to this family. If anything he was the man that had made Alex’s life a living hell in the first place. 

Henry didn’t move as Rafael called for the night while Oscar carried Alex off the stage. He wanted to follow but...he couldn’t seem to make his feet work.

“He’ll be okay.” Pez said softly, touching Henry’s shoulder gently. Henry couldn’t stop the full body flinch away even if he tried. Pez took back his hand quickly but didn’t move from his side. “Do you want to go get some food? I’m sure we’ll be called whenever Alex is stable.” 

Henry didn’t move.

“Hen?” Pez asked lightly.

“He almost fell into the pit.” Henry managed to breathe out. 

“Yeah, but he didn’t.”

Henry stared until Bea came up and snapped her fingers in front of his face. 

“He gets like this sometimes.” Bea said in an almost apology. “Henry, it’s okay. Let’s go get some coffee or something okay? Something to warm you up.” She said and wrapped her arm around his back and led him towards the exit. Pez followed of course, almost more concerned for Henry than he was for Alex.

Henry let himself be led towards a coffee shop, hardly even seeing what he was passing and didn’t even notice what Bea ordered for him until he took a sip mechanically. It was good. Earl grey just how he liked it. He blinked and managed to see Bea and Pez. Bea gave him a soft smile.

“I just got word that Alex was just dehydrated. He’ll be resting tomorrow but we can go see him tonight. Maybe you should bring him some soup as repayment.” Bea suggested and Pez frowned, not quite getting the reference but Henry nodded.

Yes, soup would be good. He could do soup. 

He let Bea steer him towards a local deli and he got a container of chicken noodle that Pez said was to die for. He hardly noticed where he was walking until he found himself in front of Alex’s place he shared with Liam. Bea and Pez had parted from him blocks ago but it was like he was a ghost moving through time, not noticing the rest of the living world.

He looked up at the building and found he was stuck once more. He shouldn’t do this. His family should be the one to take care of Alex right? He had no right over caring for the man.

“Hey! You coming up or not?” Alex called down to him and Henry’s eyes instantly found Alex’s head poking out the window. “Is that...what is that? Soup?”

Henry looked down at the container in his hand and then back up at Alex.

“Wow cheeseball much? Come on up you dork.” Alex said with a grin and Henry found his feet were moving forward. 

He found his way to Alex’s apartment, the door already unlocked and no one in it except for Alex who was sitting on the couch, looking at him expectantly. 

“Didn’t think you would actually show.” Alex said with a cat-like look. 

“Where is everyone? Shouldn’t they be taking care of you?” Henry hesitated in the doorway and Alex rolled his eyes, beckoning him in with his hands. 

“I’m not going to bite. They went to go get dinner. I got fluids, I’m good. I won’t be coming in tomorrow though but after that I’ll be fine.” Alex said with a shrug. “What kind of soup did you bring me?”

Henry had forgotten again about the container in his hands. “Chicken noodle. Pez said it was a good one so…” He said awkwardly and held it out to Alex who took it of course.

“Spoons are in the drawer next to the sink.” Alex said and Henry moved a bit like he was in a dream. He came back and handed it to Alex before sitting down on the couch, perching there like he would be ready to spring up at any moment. Alex gave him an amused look before he dove into the soup. 

Henry didn’t know what to say so he sat there, looking around the apartment like it was the first time he had been there. In a way it had considering he had only been here when he was drunk. 

“Did you yell my name?” Alex asked after a long moment of silence. 

Henry whipped his head towards the man who continued to slurp the soup. “What?”

Alex swallowed and set down his spoon. “I thought I heard your voice. It could have been a dream.”

“I uh...yeah I think I yelled your name. You almost collapsed into the pit.” He said slowly and Alex nodded after studying him for a long pause. 

“Guess you do care.” Alex looked down at his soup as he took another bite and smiled to himself.

Henry let himself fall back into the couch, hands twisting into the pockets of his jacket that he still hadn’t taken off. “I would have cared about anyone who almost fell into the pit.” 

“Yeah but you wouldn’t have yelled their name.” 

Henry’s nails dug into the fabric as his shoulders tightened on their own. 

“It’s okay you know. That’s actually very commendable that you were so ready to rush to my aid.” 

Now Alex was just rubbing it in with a smug look.

“I’m gonna go.” Henry said, rising from his seat. Alex instantly grabbed onto his wrist and tugged at his sleeve.

“No, no don’t go. I’m sorry, I won’t tease you again.” Alex said with a pout. Henry sat back down slowly. “Liam and his boyfriend are going to be out for a while. You want to watch a movie together?”

“I didn’t bring my laptop.” Henry said, thinking about Alex bringing his own laptop when he was hungover. 

Alex just smiled and turned on the TV. He brought up West Side Story and Henry let himself slowly relax as he watched one of his favorite musicals. He didn’t protest when Alex sidled up to him, curling into his body when he was done with his soup. He didn’t make a fuss when Alex’s head found his shoulder. He let it happen and he was pretty sure he would continue to let it happen.

Henry found that his eyes were growing heavy and Alex at this point was already asleep. He needed to get back to his own place. He shifted and Alex’s hand tightened where it was resting on his chest. 

“Don’t you dare leave me again.” Alex murmured sleepily.

“I won’t go anywhere. You should probably sleep in your own bed though.” Henry said and Alex grumbled but he got up from where they were sitting and led Henry to his bed. They fell into it together but Henry didn’t even care about the idea of kissing Alex. He knew the man needed sleep and so he laid there, now wide awake staring at Alex’s ceiling as the soft sounds of Alex covered him.

He felt his chest tighten again. It was so domestic that it nearly gave Henry heartburn. He wasn’t good for this. He wasn’t someone who could fall asleep in another’s bed and comfort them and keep them safe. He was toxic and not good and would only ruin things. He felt his breath getting shallow until Alex’s hair brushed against his neck as the man shifted on his chest and he closed his eyes tightly. 

Why did Alex even bother? Why did this amazing beautiful person even bother with him? Was it stubbornness? Was it a need to prove his fondness for Henry? 

He shifted out from under Alex.

He couldn’t do this. It was a mistake coming here.

He looked back only once at where the man rested against the pillows, a frown setting into his features as he hugged a pillow tightly to his chest before relaxing, as if reaching out for Henry still.

He turned and didn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no Henry bby what is you doinnnnn?????? (Being a total idiot that's what)
> 
> follow me on tumbr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	6. Chapter 6

Alex was alone in his bed. 

He knew even before he opened his eyes that there was nothing but cold where his body heat wasn’t warming the sheets. He stretched his hand out to search for the warmth but there was nothing but his own.

His eyes slowly opened to his empty room and he let out a slow breath, shifting so he was staring at the ceiling. He honestly didn’t know why he thought that last night would have been different. He had hoped it was and that had been a mistake. 

He wasn’t good at this. He was too invested and being invested in people only got him hurt. He tried to keep people at a distance because there had always been other things in his life. School, travelling, literally any other excuse he could think of. It was easier that way to distance himself from becoming too invested. He liked to think he never was invested but every time he was. Everytime the person walked away from him, he became a little smaller inside. 

He got good at pretending it didn’t hurt. 

He got good at pretending that it was just a fling and he didn’t want anything more out of it. 

Sometimes he saw himself from above, looking like an absolute fool because he thought for a single moment that someone could want him for just being him and not this persona that they thought he was. 

He covered his eyes with the heels of his palms and let out a loud groan.

“You decent?” He heard a knock on the door and Liam poked his head through. Liam frowned and looked around. “Lover boy isn’t here?”

Alex glared at him. “What do you want?”

“Spencer made a smoothie for you, do you want it?” Liam stepped all the way into the doorway and held up a purple drink. 

Alex glared harder.

Liam shook the glass enticingly. “You know you want it.” He crooned and Alex rolled his eyes while Liam just grinned and walked all the way in and sat on the bed, handing the glass to Alex.

Alex took a sip. It was good just like everything Liam’s boyfriend made. 

“What was with the loud groan? It sounded like sex noises and yet here you are, alone.”

“Yeah no shit.” Alex muttered as he leaned into his pillows. 

“More moody piano player drama?” 

Alex was silent and Liam just nodded solemnly. 

“Am I really that bad?” Alex asked after he took another sip. Liam tapped his chin. “Okay, wow, you don’t have to be a dick about it.”

“Alex,” Liam rolled onto his stomach. “I was literally flirting with you the entire freshman year we were roommates and everytime you came back from a party you tried to sleep in my bed and everytime in the morning you pretended like it didn’t happen. I mean I was fine with it, freshman Liam thought it was a goddamn dream, but, yeah, you were that bad.”

Alex sighed and ran his finger around the rim of the glass absently. “I’m not that bad now though, right? I mean I know I’m not the best boyfriend material out there and I’m...a lot, but I’m not that bad right?”

Liam took his hand. “No, you aren’t that bad. In fact you’re kind of great. Never in my life have I had a roommate that anxiety cleans like you do. The kitchen has been spotless for the past two months. It's been great.” 

“Oh my god.” Alex scoffed and Liam just laughed. 

“I’m kidding. Mostly.” Liam grinned. Alex just gave him a sad look. “Oh come on, stop getting hung up on some shitty piano player. Obviously he doesn’t care enough for you to not string you along.” 

Alex sunk down more into the pillows. “He’s had a rough past. I get it.” He said quietly.

Liam studied him for a moment. “Are you in it for the relationship or the sex?” 

Alex’s eyes quickly jumped up to Liam’s at the mention of sex. “What?”

“Oh please, we all know you’ve slept with him before you even knew he was the piano player. Been there done that. That’s actually how I met Spencer. Well...in a way.” Liam chuckled. “So is it the relationship or the sex?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do.” Liam said firmly.

Alex glared. “No I don’t.” 

“Alex.” Liam warned and Alex glared harder, brow furrowing. 

“He’s the first guy to make me work for it okay?” Alex finally said. “Everyone else has been so easy and that’s normally fine but he’s the first one that’s made me chase him and last night I thought we were getting somewhere with the whole bringing me soup thing and staying in my bed but I woke up and he was gone and I was alone again and I fucking hate it okay? I fucking loathe this feeling.” 

Liam looked triumphant. “So it’s not just sex.” 

“We literally haven’t slept together since the first time.”

“Wow, that’s honestly shocking coming from you.” Liam grinned and Alex whacked him hard. Liam let out a sound of protest, whacking Alex back.

“Don’t you dare hurt your understudy! I’m on sick leave.” Alex whined. 

“I’m proud of you buddy, but why does it have to be moody piano guy?” Liam groaned.

“Because.” Alex said with a huff. “Honestly I don’t even know but I’m drawn to him. When he plays piano it’s like watching someone out of another era. Like a long lost Chopin or something. And then when he smiles, like actually smiles, it’s like nothing else I’ve ever seen before because it’s like seeing a part of him that doesn’t get to see the light very often and I want to bring that out of him so badly.” He didn’t realize he was still talking until there was silence and Liam was staring at him.

“Holy shit dude you’ve got it bad.” Liam snorted and rolled up and off Alex’s bed. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Alex snapped and took a sip of his smoothie. 

“Drink all of that and all the Gatorade in the fridge before I get back. I’ve got a two-week vacation during the run and I need you to know your shit before I leave.” Liam warned and Alex stuck out his tongue. “Real mature.” Liam flipped him off before grinning and leaving his room.

Alex sighed again and drank his smoothie and internally cringed at the stuff he had said out loud to Liam about Henry but fuck if it wasn’t true and fuck if he hadn’t realized it until he actually spoke it into existence. 

“Fuck me.” He said quietly before sinking back down into his bed. He did have it bad didn’t he? Liam was right and he had let himself get tangled up in the web that was Henry.

\---------

“Alex is back today.” Pez said leaning against the piano that Henry was trying to tune. 

“I know.” 

Pez scoffed. “Of course you know, how silly of me.” He said in a light voice, playing for stupidity. He turned around and crowded in close making Henry jerk back a bit. He didn’t like to be touched, even by Pez, not when he wasn’t expecting it. “You going to confess your deepest darkest secrets to him today?”

Henry felt the blood drain from his face but he shook his head. “Why do you think I would do that?” 

“Because you liiiiiiike him.” Pez grinned. 

“Can everyone stay the fuck out of my business? Jesus Christ this isn’t some reality TV show, this is a Broadway production. I’m trying to be professional.” Henry muttered.

“Honey, you know what theater kids are like. They’re the most diva out of everyone, I’m honestly shocked you’ve gone this long without someone trying to meddle in your sex life.” Pez smirked.

“You mean like you try to do all the time?” Henry’s gaze flicked to Pez who only shrugged nonchalantly. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” 

“Says the man who won’t leave me alone anytime a guy looks my way.” It was Henry’s turn to smirk and Pez just shrugged again with a small, secretive smile.

“What can I say? I’m invested in your future. You know I would throw the most kickass wedding and sing you a song that would make your very soul weep. If only you liked me.” Pez sighed dramatically. He came in closer again and crowded against Henry, bringing the man’s head to his chest. Henry let out an annoyed sound and Pez only shushed him, softly stroking his hair. “It’s okay, I forgive you. I know you couldn’t handle me anyways.” 

Henry laughed and attempted to push Pez off only for the man to tighten his grip. “Geroff!” He said with a muffled voice.

“Not until you admit you like Alex more than you could ever like me.” Pez said in a warning. 

Henry struggled again, refusing to say the words because saying the words would mean admitting that they were true and once they were out into the world, he could never take them back so instead he struggled. 

“Can I get in on this?” Liam interrupted the both of them. “I’m sure my boyfriend won’t mind. We’ve thought about bringing in third.” 

Pez finally let go and Henry sucked in a deep breath while Pez turned around and cocked one hand on his hip. “You couldn’t handle me.” 

Liam grinned and shrugged. “Not sure you could handle me either.”

“Simmer down people it’s before 8am.” Alex grumbled as he walked into the room holding a giant tumbler of tea. Henry felt himself straighten automatically at his presence. He hadn’t heard anything from the man after he had left him yet again and he was a bit terrified about what Alex would say to him.

He didn’t move an inch as Alex came closer. “We need to talk at lunch.” He said to Henry before going to his seat as the rest trickled in. 

Henry led them through warmups and then it was down to the stage for blocking and fine tuning the larger musical numbers with all the cast. He was grateful for the sanctuary of the pit but the looks that Bea kept giving him felt scalding on his skin and his stomach churned as he thought about what Alex would say to him at lunch.

He almost ran away before Rafael could call it and he nearly did when he walked out of the pit but Alex was there blocking his path in the hallway. 

“Come with me.” Alex hissed as he snatched Henry’s hand and dragged him towards the rehearsal studio that would be empty. He would have normally fought to get off but Alex’s grip was tight and he didn’t want him to let go. 

They stopped and Alex shut the door behind him, effectively blocking Henry in. 

“I’ve been trying to figure out why you left me yet again but I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. I’m not…” Alex let out a forced breath through his nose, lips coming firmly together, hands clenching at his sides. “I don’t normally care okay? I’m not like this normally but you…” Alex shook his head and laughed in a breathy sort of way while wagging his finger at Henry. “You keep coming around and it’s fucking hard okay?”

Henry was surprised. No, shocked really. He wasn’t the type to make people get hung up on. He was the type that people slept with once and forgot. That was his entire identity at this point and he was good at it. He was good at floating into their life before quickly disappearing. He wasn’t good with the consequences of his actions. There was a reason he didn’t join Bea at her meetings. 

“Are you going to even say anything?” Alex shot out and Henry shut his mouth that he didn’t even realize he had opened. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Henry said quietly and Alex scoffed, throwing up his hands. 

“I can’t speak for you Henry. I can’t hear your thoughts. All I have are your actions and those actions are telling me that you don’t want to see me ever again most of the time and then you do these super soft and intimate things and make me think otherwise. I’m going insane over here.” Alex’s voice was getting heated and it made Henry want to flinch away. He tried to hold off on that instinct.

He didn’t say anything and Alex looked down, pinching the bridge of his nose. He sighed and looked up. 

“Just tell me yes or no, do you want to spend time with me?”

Henry swallowed hard. He wasn’t used to confronting his feelings like this. Usually he shoved them down and let them leak out through his music. He let all his anger go out through the loud parts of the musical and all his sadness pierce through when during the soliloquies. It was easier that way. His piano didn’t talk back.

“I-” He started before closing his mouth.

Alex took a step closer. “If you don’t answer I’m probably never going to leave you alone. I know I’m a lot, I am. There’s no hiding that fact about me. I get obsessive and if you don’t tell me to stop I know I won’t let it go because I also need closure.”

Henry took in a deep breath. He saw the way Alex was looking at him. He saw the yearning and the pain in his eyes and it hurt him that he caused it. Normally he wouldn’t think twice about it. The person would be gone from his life sooner rather than later and yet here was Alex still sticking around through it all. 

“No.” He said and Alex paused.

“What?”

“No, I don’t want to see you again. All I’m going to do is mess it up so I’d rather end it now.” Henry said. “Not that we were ever a thing. We slept together one time, it’s time you got over it.” He said coldly and brushed past Alex to leave the room. 

He didn’t miss the way Alex seemed to have broken in front of him. 

It was easier this way though. Alex could funnel all of whatever he was feeling into his acting and singing and Henry could let himself only feel when he played the piano. They could be civil and still do their job, at least Henry hoped.

He forced himself to keep his face neutral until he found an empty room filled with extra costume parts and he closed the door behind him, sinking to the floor. He burrowed his face into his knees and let out a shaky breath. 

He would ruin Alex. He knew that. It was easier, almost kinder for him to do this now than rip Alex’s entire heart out later when he managed to fuck it up like he always did. 

Why did he feel like this though? 

Why couldn’t he get a grip and actually let himself feel and open up? He had started to with Alex but the thought of telling someone every part about him was terrifying and he had shut down before he could even get close. 

He had gotten a taste though with Alex and he wanted it. It wanted it desperately, to connect to someone but it would be almost cruel to unload all his problems onto one person. Alex didn’t deserve that and he definitely didn’t deserve someone like him fucking up his life. 

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed in this forgotten closet but he heard Zahra’s voice over the speaker calling everyone back for afternoon rehearsals and he let the curtain close across his face. He stood up robotically and made his way back to the pit and his music, ignoring the looks he got along the way. 

He was going to be professional about this. He and Alex didn’t have to interact, in fact, they would only see each other face to face for warmups. It would be fine. 

He could ignore the way Alex’s voice pierced a dagger into his heart when it soared through the songs, a single voice in the crowd of many but Henry had come to know it well. He just wish he hadn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this certainly got more angsty than I meant for it to. 10/10 would die for Liam though tbh
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	7. Chapter 7

Henry didn’t realize initially how hard this was going to be. There was a reason people said not to sleep with your coworkers but he hadn’t known Alex would be constantly in his life and he hadn’t known that Alex could also hold a grudge. 

He honestly should have known that Alex was going to be petty. Alex had this way about him that Henry should have picked up on but maybe he had been too wrapped up in himself to realize. The next day after he had told Alex no, Alex completely ignored him, at least when he thought he wasn’t paying attention. Henry couldn’t seem to stop his gaze from settling on Alex. Perhaps it was muscle memory at this point, but he kept looking up and seeing Alex glare at him before looking away. 

When they started dress rehearsals in full costume by the end of the week, Henry kept hearing Alex’s voice out of all the others. It was a good voice. A voice he shouldn’t have ragged on at the beginning. That was just his own pettiness jumping out, wanting to push Alex away before he started feeling more for him than he wanted to, but it had been too late at that point. 

He shook out a couple pills and knocked them back with a gulp of water before Bea came into the pit after lunch. He had been banned from eating lunch with the actors. They were stonewalling him at that point. Even Liam had given him an awkward shrug.

“If it was any other person I wouldn’t care, but it’s Alex and Alex is my roommate so I gotta support him.” Liam had cringed a little and patted him on the back. “I do like you man, he’ll get over it and then you’ll be let back in. Actors, what can you do?”

So instead of trying to find Pez, he had taken his lunch in the rehearsal studio and ate quickly before letting himself play whatever came to mind at the piano. He moved through Mozart to Beethoven to The Killers to Queen and back to Chopin, all songs meshing together into a harmony that he hadn’t even planned on. He opened his eyes that he hadn’t realized he had closed and found himself still alone. He let his back slump a bit as he let out a sigh. 

Zahra’s voice came on over the speaker system, calling them all back and so down to the pit he had gone again. 

Bea had seen him struggle throughout the day and the moment Rafael called it, she rose from her seat, violin already in hand and patted him on the back with her free one. “Come on, let’s go get some food. Your sad face is bringing down my vibes.” 

Henry snorted but nodded, putting his sheet music into his messenger bag and looped it over his shoulder. He followed her out of the pit only to run right into the actors walking down towards the dressing rooms. He paused, letting them pass. He tried not to make eye contact but the ones that he did manage to meet their gaze looked at him in distaste and he frowned. Could no one leave his relationship with Alex alone? He knew he had done a bad thing, sure, but it was for him and Alex only.

Even Nora didn’t meet his gaze and he thought they were tight. 

Pez stepped to the side and waited for the rest to pass when he saw Henry standing there with Bea. 

“You going to ignore me too?” He asked quietly and Pez shook his head.

“Nah, you’re my bro. I’m not going to leave you behind.” Pez socked him lightly in the shoulder. 

“Well thank god someone’s being decent.” Bea butted in and Henry looked over his shoulder at where she was poking her head through the gap in between him and Pez. “New rule, no talking about boys for the rest of the night. Pez, you in for dinner?”

“Oh hell yeah. Let me just go get changed and we can hit up that ramen place I’ve been telling you about.” Pez grinned and joined the rest of the actors in the stream towards the dressing rooms while Henry and Bea headed up to exit the theater. 

He leaned against the cold brick of the alleyway, letting his breath come out in puffs of steam as he looked up towards the hazy night sky of the city. He missed seeing the stars of his youth, but there was something comforting about always being surrounded by light. 

“Don’t you look pensive.” Bea said as she came up beside him. “What are you thinking about?”

“Stars.” He said without looking at her. “I miss them sometimes.”

“Okay melodrama. What are you really thinking about?” 

Henry let his head roll to the side so he could see his sister. She always could read him like a book. Most of the time he found it extremely irritating to never be able to hide things from her, but right now he was glad. He looked back up at the sky. 

“I don’t know.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m even worth all the struggle.”

“You’re a pain in my ass, but of course you are. Don’t be talking like that Henry, I’ll start to worry even more.” He could hear the frown in Bea’s voice without even looking at her. He didn’t want her to worry about him. He was just going through a rough patch and dealing with Alex wasn’t helping. Usually he could let it pour out of him through his music, letting the score take him places that he needed to go, but today it had been like there was a wall between him and those emotions. It could have been the pills he had taken but he wasn’t going to think about that.

He opened his eyes and let a small smile form on his lips. “Without me who would you even have to worry about? Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Bea pursed her lips and looked like she was about to say something when Pez came out of the side entrance with a bang.

“Who the fuck is ready for ramen?” He sang, letting the last note ring out and Henry snorted as the man slung his arm around Henry’s shoulders. Bea gave him a look but walked alongside her two boys. 

Pez started spouting off some story about what happened in the wings, something about a wig getting caught on velcro right before the person was supposed to go on and yet they got away with it because Rafael didn’t notice. Henry let himself listen to the story because it was easier to think about that than the words he had spoken to Bea just now. 

It sounded suicidal, he knew that. He wasn’t though, at least he didn’t think. There were times he wanted the world to just pause so he could catch his breath, but he didn’t want to leave. Mostly when he felt like that he just took extra painkillers and let that dreamy feeling wash over him because it was easier that way. Being a human was easier. 

“Okay you have to try the black sesame one, it’s so good.” Pez was saying and Henry let himself fold back into the conversation as they sat down at their table. They ordered and Bea and Pez started discussing how the new Cosette’s voice was ridiculously high it was almost annoying when she went above everyone else. 

Henry commented a few times here and there but mostly he was just glad to sit in the presence of people who didn’t hate him.

“You’re the talk of the town.” Pez said as he slurped his broth. Henry nearly choked on a noddle. He coughed a few times before wiping his mouth.

“What?” He finally managed to get out.

“Yeah, you’re all anyone’s been talking about. Or at least anyone that’s important.” Pez shrugged and Bea’s eyebrows rose. “I said I wasn’t going to get in the middle of it but when it comes down to it, you’re my boy and I’ll back you.”

“Oh my god this isn’t some backyard brawl. Alex and I just...aren’t good for each other, that’s all.” Henry muttered and looked down at his bowl of ramen, stirring it a bit with his chopsticks. 

“Well in that case I definitely won’t tell you that everyone plans on going out for drinks after rehearsal tomorrow.” Pez sniffed but gave Henry a giant grin. “Gay bar and all.” 

“Is it that one off 13th?” Bea asked and Pez nodded. “Ugh they make the best virgin cocktails.” She sighed dreamily. 

Henry knew this was a ploy to get him to come out but not if he had to go and hang out with the very same people that ignored him today. He shook his head. “I’m good.” 

“Oh my god Henry just dance with me all night, or better yet, go find a hot piece of ass and sleep with him.” Pez rolled his eyes before his grin turned rather feral. 

“The last time I did that, I ended up having to see the guy for the foreseeable future.” Henry raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll be very sober and make sure the guy you take home isn’t a Broadway actor, how’s that?” Bea said with a beaming smile.

“Enablers, all of you.” Henry grumbled as he twirled noodles around his chopsticks and took a bite. 

“That’s a yes.” Pez clapped his hands. “We are gonna get you laid and over Alex.”

Henry pursed his lips but he supposed it wasn’t the worst idea and they were notorious for making bad ideas. They were twenty somethings after all trying to stay afloat in the rather precarious musical theater business. He knew that Pez and Bea only wanted the best for him though. Perhaps overriding his night, or rather nights if he counted the times he slept in Alex’s bed before slipping out, with Alex would be a shock to his system that he desperately needed. At the very least he could be getting good sex out of it too.

\---------

“Is my tie straight?” Alex asked his chin rising as he looked at himself in the mirror. He tugged on the bottom of his vest and looked over at Liam who was sitting in the chair.

“Who the fuck cares, you’re not Marius.” Liam didn’t look up, instead scrolling through his phone.

“Um excuse me, _sir_ you aren’t the center of the universe. Tell me if my tie’s fucking straight.” Alex narrowed his eyes and Liam finally looked up before looking back down.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” 

Alex fully turned and cocked his hip. “Liam I swear to god if you don’t stop ignoring me I will literally eat that phone.” 

That made Liam look up for real this time. “I’m trying to get us bottle service for tonight. Stop being an asshole.” Alex leaned against the counter of the dressing table and crossed his arms but said nothing. Liam rolled his eyes and set down his phone into his lap and folded his hands. “Yes, my darling Alex, your tie looks wonderful. How ever could I not have seen it earlier?” Liam picked up his phone again. “There, happy? Now stop bothering me, I gotta sweet talk this bartender.” 

Alex snorted and rolled his eyes. “One of your former flings?”

“Yeah but we were on good terms. He moved in with his girlfriend and her boyfriend so like it’s fine. We were monogamous anyways.” Liam said, waving his hand. 

“Stage, five minutes.” Zahra’s voice came on over the speaker and Alex turned towards the mirror one more time before grabbing his coat and slapping Liam upside the head who still hadn’t moved. Liam let out a sound of protest and Alex just cackled and ran up the stairs, nearly colliding into June. 

“Watch it, I can hardly move in this fucking corset.” June snapped and Alex gave her a pouty face which she of course rolled her eyes and shook her head, breaking into a smile. “Nice tie.”

“Wait, does it look bad?” Alex panicked and looked down. June just laughed.

“No stupid, it looks fine.” 

“There’s my two little niños.” Oscar crooned and Alex shook off his father’s heavy arm that wrapped around Alex and June. “Alex did you tie that tie yourself?”

“Oh my god is it that bad?” Alex groaned and Oscar shook his head. 

“No, I mean it looks good, that’s all I was going to say.” 

“Oh. Well thank you. Liam showed me how to do it.” Alex puffed up his chest and Oscar laughed. 

“Places.” Zahra said over the speaker again.

“See you on the other side Fueilly.” Oscar winked and marched forward to take his place by his oar for the opening number. Alex watched from the wings as his dad’s voice totally expanded throughout the entire theater. He would never get tired of hearing his father sing, even if he did feel a pang of dull jealousy in his chest. He would never be that good. He would never have that raw talent for Jean Valjean, to carry an entire musical on his back. 

Alex wrapped a rag around his head for At the End of the Day, only one spotlight on him and the rest of the ensemble as they sang which led to June’s solo which led into Lovely Ladies and so on and so on until he was marching forward in a block with the rest of the barricade boys and the final note of One Day More quieted and they waited to hear Rafael speak. All he could hear was heavy breathing around him as they stayed in place until the crackle of the megaphone.

“We’re going over ABC Cafe again. Reset.” Rafael said and Alex let himself slump a little before quickly straightening. The stage hands reset the sets and backdrops and he sat down where Feuilly was stationed. “Let’s put Alex for Marius and bring on Kevin for Feuilly.” 

Alex rose from his seat and walked off stage into the wings for his entrance as Marius. Liam rested against one of the set pieces and took out his phone again. When he looked up and made eye contact with Alex he shrugged.

“I’ve almost got us a bottle service. Don’t look at me like that.” 

Alex smirked and shook his head, looking back out onto the stage and got into character. He sang as Marius, leaping up the steps while Pez looked at him like he was the most ridiculous person in the world. He kind of felt like it. 

“One minute there then she was gone.” He sang and he felt another pang in his chest. One minute there he was gone. Sounded like...no. He wasn’t going to do that to himself. He was bigger than becoming obsessed with someone who clearly didn’t want him.

He got through the rest of the scene and the rest of the afternoon. By the end though he was ready to drink and dance and not give a fuck because tomorrow was their day off and he was going to go ham. 

“You look like you're about to cause problems.” Nora smirked at him as they walked towards the gay bar that Liam ahd successfully gotten them a table at.

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you look like you do when you know you’re going to cause problems.” June cut in and Alex merely shrugged with a devilish smile on his face. 

“I just plan on having fun, what’s wrong with that?”

“Just don’t go too hard aight?” Nora bumped him with her shoulder. 

Alex shrugged again and walked a bit faster to catch up with Liam and Spencer. “You guys won’t judge me if I go hard right?”

“Not in the least. Just don’t puke on my new rug. That shit cost way too much than I should be spending on a rug.” Liam said, poking Alex in the cheek. Alex snickered but his smile dropped when he saw Pez, Bea, and Henry waiting by the entrance. Henry had his hands in his pockets and wasn’t really paying attention to Pez and Bea who were looking at something on Pez’s phone. He didn’t call attention to the way his fingers curled into fists but kept walking. 

Liam went first, getting them inside the gay bar and Alex let the thump of the bass wash over him. He hadn’t been here in a long time, not since before he had left the city to go on tour. It wasn’t so much a bar as a club and he was ready to dance. He followed the group to the table that one of the bar waitresses led them to, a bottle service already waiting for them. He sat next to Liam but across from Bea and Henry. He refused to look in the man’s direction, instead busying himself with pouring drinks.

“To going fucking wild.” He said with a grin. They all clinked their glasses before letting out their breath.

“Holy shit Alex why did you pour it so heavy?” Pez said after the first sip. There were sounds of agreement.

“Go hard or go home.” He said with a grin. “And I for one, am not going home.” 

He noticed that Bea and Henry didn’t take a sip, instead placing their drinks back on the table. Alex didn’t think much of it, instead downing his drink and pouring another. He watched the people in the club, eyes not landing on a single person for very long. There were beautiful people here of course and he would be more than willing to dance with any of them but there was no one yet that caught his eye. 

“Let’s dance.” Liam said, rising from his seat. Spencer rose as well and Liam looked to Alex. He knocked back the rest of his drink with the warmth from the alcohol settling in his chest and he rose as well. June and Nora had left long ago to the dance floor and he didn’t look in Henry’s direction as he brushed past, his knee hitting Henry’s knee as he did. 

He let the music dictate his movements, the beat making his hips sway. Liam and Spencer were already in close, Liam’s arms dangling over Spencer’s shoulders, his drink loosely in his fingertips. He glimpsed June and Nora laughing and talking with a group of women while Bea and Pez were dancing together. Only Henry remained at their table and when he caught the gaze of the man he saw how powerful it was from across the room.

He pivoted quickly and bumped into a taller man. “Whoops, my bad.” He said quickly and the man looked him up and down. Alex felt the heat rise in him and he gave the man a signature smirk.

“No problem gorgeous.” The man smiled at him. Alex sidled in closer naturally. That made the man smile wider and his hands went to Alex’s waist as the song changed to a slower beat. Alex raised his chin. “I’m Isaac.” 

“Alex.” He said in the man’s ear. He pulled his head back a bit, eyes flicking to his rather plush looking lips and back into the green eyes that were darkened from the lowered lights. Oh what the hell. He surged up and kissed Isaac. The man instantly kissed him back, leg coming in between Alex’s. He let out a gasp against the man’s lips as he grinded his hips forward, his jeans tightening. 

Isaac pulled back a bit and he heard the rumbling laugh in the man’s throat. “Wanna get out of here?” He asked and Alex’s brain stuttered for a moment. This was the whole reason he wanted to come out tonight. He wanted to forget Henry and get laid but when his eyes found their way over to where Henry was sitting, he paused.

“Come with me.” He said and pulled Isaac’s hand and led him towards the bathroom. It surprisingly wasn’t too busy and so he pushed Isaac against the wall. Isaac’s eyebrows rose but his smile never left. Alex shoved his leg against Isaac’s crotch, forcing the man’s legs apart and Isaac let out another appreciative noise, pulling Alex against his body. 

Alex let himself get lost in this stranger’s body, grinding against him as he kissed him hard enough to bruise. He hissed when Isaac pulled at his hair but he didn’t stop until he was breathless. Isaac’s green eyes were blown wide.

“What’s wrong?” The man asked as he studied him. 

“I…” He started and pulled back some more. “I don’t think I can.” He gritted out and Isaac frowned for a moment before shrugging. 

“Whatever. You’re still a good kisser.” The corners of Isaac’s mouth curled up. “Nice meeting you.” Now it was a smirk as Isaac stood up and crowded against Alex until Alex moved back to let Isaac through. He watched silently as the man disappeared into the crowd once more and he closed his eyes, letting his head drop back, craning up towards the ceiling.

“Fuck!” He yelled and kicked the air and straightened, running a hand roughly through his hair. Fucking Henry. 

Stupid fucking Henry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a bit longer to write than I expected mainly because Henry is getting harder to write for like wtf dude COME ON anyways hope you enjoyed Alex’s freak out!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr: tedddylupin


	8. Chapter 8

If Henry was being honest with himself, it was all a bit of a blur. The pills were starting to kick in and the lights were starting to mesh together and he felt a bit like he was floating. He wasn’t sure how much he had taken honestly. He knew at least two at lunch. At least two before dinner. At least two before walking into this monstrosity of a club. How ever much it was, it was making this all bearable. Even the thumping music was tolerable when you were high. 

His vision glazed over as he slouched down a bit in the booth to get more comfortable. He didn’t even need the alcohol at this point, a lazy smile twitching onto his face. He could focus on the people dancing but only barely. He found June and Nora in a group and Pez and Bea dancing together. Then his gaze found Alex dancing with a man and he frowned a little.

No, that was fine. Alex could have his fun. He probably deserved it after being put through hell from his bitchy accompanist. Henry chuckled to himself as his eyes closed for a moment until he was jostled a bit and they flew open once more, focusing on a man sitting down next to him.

“Can I help you?” Henry snapped.

“Yeah, can you hide me for a second?” The man said, looking over Henry’s shoulder. “My ex is here and I’m trying to make sure he doesn’t see me.”

Henry frowned harder. “Who are you?” He could hear the way his words were looser, more fluid. 

“Oh, I’m Mark. Nice to meet you.” The man perked up and held out his hand. Henry’s own hand was practically pulled into this man’s and shook hard. He took it back quickly and narrowed his eyes.

“And you think _I_ can hide you?”

“Well you’re here alone at this VIP table. If anything it’ll make him jealous.” Mark shrugged, eyes nervously looking over Henry’s shoulder once again. 

Henry studied this Mark character. He was the complete opposite of Alex, all long limbs, short cropped hair and a nervous demeanor. He looked over his shoulder. “Who’s the ex?”

“Uh he’s by the bar. Tall beefy dude.” Mark said, quickly looking away from said bar. “Shit, he saw me looking.”

Henry watched cooly as Mark gnawed on his lip before looking back for tall beefy dude. His lazy smiled returned. “You chose that guy?”

“He was nice at the beginning okay.” Mark snapped before sighing and sliding down in the booth. 

“Aren’t they all.” Henry muttered. Mark looked like a lost puppy and high Henry had a bit of a bleeding heart when his walls were crumbling down thanks to the meds that were coursing through his system. “Want to make him jealous?”

Mark’s blue (green?) eyes found him and Henry’s lazy smile turned to one that only came out when he was feeling this way, a bit dangerous and on the precipice of something. Something, he wasn’t quite sure what. 

“Let’s dance.” Henry said and stood, holding out a hand for Mark to take. The man did of course and Henry actually found himself looking up rather than down for once. 

Henry was not a dancer though. There was a reason he had chosen piano rather than ballet, but high Henry was a bit of a dancer. Enough to get by on a club dance floor when all it took was swaying your hips to the beat of the bass and winding your hands through limbs or clutching hipbones. 

So he did just that, turning to face Mark as they got closer and closer as the crowd thickened and Henry found himself looking up into those blueish greenish eyes and wondering why they weren’t brown but not caring enough to truly think about it that much. 

“I think it’s working.” Mark said in his ear and Henry momentarily forgot what they were actually doing until he felt the hot breath against his skin. Mark leaned back with a smile that was a bit lopsided.

Henry found himself leaning up and Mark’s eyes glowing a bit in the blacklight and then he was kissing a complete stranger. He let himself fall into the kiss because he never did anything half-heartedly. His hands pushed through Mark’s short hair and Henry wondered why he couldn’t grip curls. His hips came forward automatically leaning into the man against him and he wondered why the man wasn’t smaller, more compact. 

His brain was too far gone to think about it too hard, but his body was reacting in a good sort of way. He let out a groan when Mark’s teeth pulled back, taking his lower lip with them and he felt a rush of heat spread all the way to his fingertips. It was the first feeling he had felt since the meds kicked in. 

And he wanted more.

He kissed back again, this time rougher and harder and his fingers dug into flesh while his hips grinded to the beat that his mind held on the backburner. 

“Holy fuck.” Mark breathed into his ear as the man came forward to kiss against his neck and jawline, his head automatically tipping back. “You’re so hot.”

Henry let out a wild laugh before his fingers snagged into Mark’s shirt pulling him back to his lips once more. He forgot about the rest of the world except for where he was touching Mark, the man’s body keeping him tethered to this planet. 

“Come home with me?” Mark asked in a rather desperate voice and Henry was brought back to the moment, the music coming back in a loud rush that made him jump as his eyes focused on the man in front of him. He looked at Mark, confused. 

“No...uh no, I can’t. I gotta…” Henry felt himself slipping away. “I gotta find my sister.” He said shaking his head and then he was floating again. Time was losing meaning and when his eyes focused again he found Bea in front of him laughing with Pez.

“Oh there you are. I thought you were off with your lil cutie.” Bea beamed as he came up next to her.

He shook his head. “I need to go home.” He said and Bea’s smile dropped.

“What’s wrong?” She instantly went into sister mode and Pez frowned at him, looking concerned as well.

“I just…” He said, eyes darting around and he shook his head again. “It’s too much okay? I need to leave.” 

Bea hopped off her stool and nodded. “Let’s go.” She turned to Pez. “Tell the others we left okay?”

Pez instantly nodded. “Text me.” Bea gave him a look of confirmation before she herded Henry out of the back door of the club.

He walked a few feet, taking a deep breath of the cold air and bent of, hands on his knees. Bea was right by his side. He closed his eyes and crouched down, hands going to hug his chest. He wasn’t sure what happened if he was honest. It was like something inside him flipped a switch and he couldn’t take it anymore. The lights maybe. Or maybe the fact that he had just kissed a man he didn’t know to the point that it was almost indecent in public. 

He flinched when he felt Bea’s hand on his back. She didn’t remove it, instead rubbing his back slowly, a reminder that he wasn’t alone. He felt himself relax and slowly stand up.

“You okay to walk?” 

He nodded and kept his arms wrapped around his body as he did. Bea didn’t touch him but he could still feel her presence next to him as they walked back to the apartment silently. He was grateful but he felt the weight of what he had done loom over him. 

“I’m sorry.” He said when they were in their apartment. Bea was taking off her jacket. She hung it up before looking at him.

“How many?” She asked softly and he shook his head. “I’m not judging you Henry, I just need to know if I should be worried about you waking up in your own vomit later tonight.” 

“I don’t know.” He swallowed. “Maybe six. Maybe eight.” He heard Bea take in a breath through her nose. He squeezed his eyes shut and dug the heels of his palms into his eyesockets. “I know okay?”

“Do you though?” Bea’s voice rose a bit. Henry didn’t look at her. “What if you had drank tonight? You would be in the hospital tonight instead of in your apartment.” 

Henry turned away from her. 

“Please Henry.” He heard her voice break and he let out a slow breath, gritting his teeth. “I can’t lose you too.” 

He felt his chest tighten and he walked towards his room. “Goodnight Bea.” He said before shutting his door. He ignored the way he could hear Bea let out a sob the moment he did.

\---------

_Good for Henry._ That was Alex’s second thought when he saw Henry dancing with some nameless man who looked like a movie actor. 

His first thought was some nameless, wordless feeling of intense rage and jealousy all mixed in together. He decided to stick with his second thought because he could be the better person and not walk up to nameless actor man and punch him in the face which was what his first thought was telling him. 

Instead, he found June and Nora and got them to dance with him and he took a shot with Pez after he let them know that Henry and Bea had left. 

(Alex’s third thought was triumph because no one brought home a one night stand when your sister was walking with you. He ignored third thought as well.)

The rest of the night was laughing and dancing and ignoring the fact that he could have gone home with someone tonight but he didn’t because Henry firmly still being in his mind. He had fun though. It was always fun to go out with his friends after a long week of work.

He was going to ignore the fact that somewhere in the pit of his stomach he knew that the opening night was coming sooner rather than later and he didn’t feel ready for it. He never did for things like this so he decided to ignore it by taking another shot with Liam and Spencer, grabbing greasy pizza, and calling it a night. 

When he woke up it was a new day and he finally didn’t have anywhere to be early in the morning and he didn’t have to see Henry at all if he didn’t want to. 

“What happened with you and that very hot man last night?” Liam asked as they were playing Call of Duty on the TV. 

Alex stuck out his tongue as he tried to concentrate. He sniped Liam who let out a groan before respawning.

“Don’t dodge the question by killing me you jerk.” Liam leaned over to try and whack him but he moved out of the way just in time. 

“We just didn’t click, that’s all.” He said when Liam tried to hit him again. He knew that the man would be relentless until he got an answer. “Whatever, it’s fine. He was a good kisser though.” 

Liam gave him a sage look. “Mmhm alright. You excited about opening night on Friday?” 

“Ugh don’t remind me. I’m lowkey freaking out.” Alex groaned. His fingers smashed buttons as quickly as he could, maneuvering his player out of Liam’s way while still trying to hit him. He let out another whoop of triumph when he hit Liam again. 

“Stop it! You know I’m terrible at this game!” Liam whined as he respawned again. Alex just cackled. They played in silence for a bit save for the game noises before Liam spoke again. “You’re gonna be great you know. I think you might be a better Marius than me. They only like me for it because I did Kinky Boots during that one month break for the principal last year.” 

Alex shook his head. “No, you’re much better. Your voice sounds like Marius.” 

Liam paused the game and Alex let out a sound of protest before Liam shifted next to him to face him fully. “Alex.”

“Liam.” Alex said, mocking Liam’s serious tone.

“Are you deflecting me right now?” 

“No, why would you think that?”

“Because you always deflect compliments, especially when it’s about your abilities. You always try to downplay your talents and you need to stop.” Liam gave him a stern look. “Is it because of your dad?”

Alex scoffed. “What, are you trying to therapize me right now?” Liam was silent and Alex sighed, flopping back into the couch. “I guess, maybe.” Liam gave him a smug look which only made Alex roll his eyes. “You aren’t a therapist, don’t be thinking you’re something special just because you made an educated guess.” He said, pointing at Liam with his controller. “Having Oscar Diaz as a father is intimidating enough nevermind him being in the same production as you. Now fucking hit play so I can kill you again.”

Liam snickered and did just that. Alex gave his friend a sideways glance and smiled before shaking his head again. He was grateful to have Liam in his life even if the man could be obnoxious as all get out at times. Liam cared about him in a way that no other friend had. Sure he had June and Nora but June was his sister and Nora was his sister’s girlfriend. They had their own bond that went beyond their friendship. Him and Liam had been bonded since they had become roommates in college. 

There was a certain bond between them that would stay there forever and he was grateful. 

“Hey, do you think you could help me with some blocking early tomorrow?” Alex asked after their third game. 

“Yeah sure, what part do you need help with?” Liam said, not looking over at Alex, staring only at the screen. 

“Uh, everything?” Alex said and Liam rolled his eyes.

“No you don’t, you probably know it better than I do you overachiever.” 

“I’m just afraid that I’m going to get into the moment and suddenly forget everything I’ve ever been taught.” Alex said, gnawing on his lip as he made his player hide behind a stack of boxes. 

“You’re crazy.” Liam pursed his lips. “But sure, we can go over what you need help with.” 

“Thanks Liam.” Alex said, relief rushing through him. The closer and closer the opening date was, the more he was getting anxious about messing up and completely falling on his face. Again.

“No problem Alex, now can you please let me win for once?”

“Nope.” Alex grinned and sniped Liam yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A. Henry needs a giant fucking hug and some goddamn THERAPY   
> B. 10/10 would die for Liam as per usual
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	9. Chapter 9

“You ready buddy?” Liam clapped Alex on the shoulder as he peeked out through the curtain. It was a packed house. Of course it was packed out. It was opening night. 

“I’m gonna throw up.” He said grimly.

“If you do,” Liam said, adjusting his costume’s sleeves. “Just don’t do it on the costume. The ladies downstairs will have both of our heads.”

Alex rolled his eyes and walked back from the curtain and into the wings of the stage. He was wearing his first costume of the night, a factory worker. He felt all the anxious, nervous energy pool into his limbs and he wanted to run up four flights of stairs to get rid of it but he couldn’t. He didn’t have the time. 

“Hey mijo.” Oscar grinned at him. He had his prisoner uniform on, loose shirt that showed off his body, tattoo firmly on his chest. “You excited?”

“He said he’s going to puke.” Liam said simply. Alex scoffed and whacked Liam’s shoulder.

“I’m fine dad.” He said quickly.

“Five minutes.” Zahra’s voice came over the speakers and Oscar raised his eyebrows with a wicked grin. He jumped up a few times, shaking out his limbs while Alex just wanted to curl up on in himself. He never quite got how his dad thrived in the spotlight. Alex did too of course, but he always got so nervous right before every show.

“See you on the other side boys.” Oscar said as he walked onto the stage to get into formation. Liam stayed with Alex. Neither of them had the voices for the chain gang. He could hear the panic behind the curtain settle down the moment it rose and the applause of the audience took over. Alex straightened as he listened to his father sing, Shaan coming in towards the end as Javert and then he had to get himself settled.

“Ready brother?” June winked at him as she came up next to him. Alex let out a breath and nodded. 

He and Liam and the rest of the ensemble for the beginning of At the End of The Day came onto the stage, allowing his father to exit and get into his next costume. It was like something came over him and he settled down into his character. He wasn’t Alex anymore, he was the nameless factory worker just trying to get money for his family. 

The moment he went back into the wings to change into Feuilly’s costume though he felt Alex start to return but he had so much adrenaline pumping through him that he couldn’t stop the giant grin on his face. He had a giant break until Look Down started so he watched his sister die on stage and his father cry over her body. He wondered if that fucked up his dad every night. Oscar was a professional though. The recognition he got alone was probably enough to make up for it. 

“Let’s go fuck it up yeah?” Nora wiggled her eyebrows as she nudged Alex who grinned. 

“Don’t crack a note eh?”

“Yeah don’t fall off the fucking barricade.” Nora’s smile turned wider as she swept onto the stage. Alex followed closely behind with the rest of the barricade boys acting as townspeople. The stage was his revolution and he fell back into the character. He sang in the ensemble before getting off stage again until Red and Black. 

“Did you ever get that guys number by the way? The hot one you were kissing at the club?” Pez asked like they weren’t in the wings of a fucking Broadway production. Alex gave him an exasperated look and Pez shrugged. “What? I’m just asking.”

“You can’t wait till after?” 

“Nope.” Pez grinned. “Oh this is my cue.” And then Pez was gone and Alex rolled his eyes before joining the background characters, forming a staggered wedge formation, marching in place to close out the first act. 

The moment the curtain fell he let his breath and closed his eyes, taking a moment before going to get water. 

“Nice job Alex.” Liam tossed him a bottle of water. “See, nothing to be scared of.”

“This ain’t my first rodeo Liam. I’ve done musicals before.”

“Yes, but not on Broadway.” Liam smirked. “Ya done good kid.”

“Oh my god I’m going to throttle you later if you don’t watch it.” Alex hissed after getting a giant shush from Zahra and an evil look that would shrivel someone weaker. He had to grow up with his mother’s church look though. He knew evil looks. 

“Don’t you have to get to Nora dying in your arms?” Alex raised an eyebrow and Liam laughed. 

“Oh shut up, you’re having fun and you know it.” 

Now Alex rolled his eyes. “Yeah yeah, fuck off.” He grinned and they all got set for the second Act. Somehow the second Act always seemed to go faster but then again he was dead by the middle of it and spent the rest of his time watching from the wings or listening from the dressing room. For the first night, he stayed up near the top the entire time. He watched as Liam sang Marius’s anguish. He watched his father fade until it was his time to join the rest of the cast for the Epilogue. 

The last note rang out and the crowd burst into applause and whoops and Alex had to keep everything in until the curtain dropped.

He couldn’t stop the smile on his face though the moment he could relax and got set up for the final bows. He watched as the main cast took their bows leaving his father for the very end. The rest of the ensemble gathered behind the long row of principals and the cheering didn’t stop even after the final curtain. 

He let out a whoop when he got down to the men’s dressing room. It was packed as everyone was attempting to get out of their costumes. The chatter in the hallways was loud and exhilarating and Alex wanted more of it. 

“Not bad my boy.” Pez wrapped an arm around Alex and gave him a noogie with his fist. Alex laughed and tugged his way out of it. “We’ll make you a Broadway actor yet.” 

He sighed and fell back onto the couch as he starfished, stretching out his limbs. “God, is there anything better than applause?” He asked rather dreamily.

“Pez,” Liam said fondly. “I think he’s in love.”

“Liam, I think you’re right.” Pez sighed and Alex kicked a leg out towards each of them. They both jumped away with laughter. 

“Just wait until you’re Marius.” Liam said with a knowing look as he got out of his costume and hung it up. “It’s even better.”

“Yeah can you get sick like now please?” Alex grinned.

“In all due time young grasshopper.” Liam said, raising his chin sagely. “I’ve got next Wednesday off.”

“Boo, a Wednesday? That’s all you can give me?” Alex pouted as he stood up to take off his own costume.

“You’ll take what you’re given and be grateful.” Liam gave him a pointed look in the mirror. 

“Yeah, yeah whatever. You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“And your goddamn roommate.” Liam raised his eyebrows with a smile.

Alex snickered as he pulled on his sweats before bothering with taking off his stage makeup. He always looked god awful in actual lighting rather than the bright lights of the stage. His face was garrish right now and he almost didn’t want to look at it.

“So we’re going for pizza right?” Alex asked.

“Some of us have to sign autographs and take pictures.” Pez said haughtily. Alex rolled his eyes. “But yes, pizza after all that stroking of my ego.” 

Alex was about to say something when Bea whipped into the room. “Hey B--” He started but he saw the panicked look on her face.

“Pez. They’re taking Henry to the hospital.” 

The room deflated instantly and Alex’s eyes widened and he felt the blood drain from his face. All laughter and happiness seemed to disappear and everyone turned towards Bea.

“What? What do you mean?” Pez had a look of pure panic.

“The paramedics came to get him. We need to go.” Bea said in a hurried voice that almost sounded calm but the look in her eyes said otherwise. “Please Pez, I can’t do this alone.”

“Okay okay hang on let me just grab my things.” Pez hurried around the room, grabbing his jacket and his phone and Alex quickly handed him his bag from under the dressing table. 

“Text us please!” Alex called after them and he looked to Liam in alarm. “What do you think happened?”

Liam’s face was solemn and grave. “Nothing good.” 

Alex swallowed hard and could barely look at himself in the mirror. He resumed taking off his makeup but there was no happiness to it. He felt scared and empty. 

“You want to go after them?” Liam asked. “I can come with you. We should probably hold back for a little bit. I can sign autographs if you want to stay here and I’ll text you.” 

Alex nodded. “I’ll go uh...I’ll go see my dad or something.” He felt like he was a ghost wandering the halls now. This was supposed to be a happy night and it was until he was suddenly worried more about Henry. He knew he should let the man alone but he was still a person. Henry was still someone important, not just to the group but to him too. Just because they were avoiding each other didn’t mean that Alex didn’t care about him anymore. 

“Drink some water Alex. I’ll only be a little while okay?” Liam interrupted his thoughts and he nodded. 

“Right, text me.”

Liam nodded this time and then he was gone.

\---------

It had been an accident.

It had always been an accident of course.

He didn’t mean to take too many pills. He had just been nervous for opening night and had lost track. He never lost track. Tonight he lost track. 

He wasn’t good at being on his own but he often isolated himself in a spiraling circle downwards that seemed to never end. Just when he thought he had gotten to the bottom he kept falling farther down. 

It should have been a happy night, one filled with light and joy. There was nothing better than an opening night. He remembered it before he had gotten into that car accident where everything had changed. He remembered the way the applause seemed to fill your spirit with enough juice to keep going on until the next one and the next one. 

Before the accident he had been the one on that stage. A child prodigy with audiences that came to see _him_. The gifted boy who could play the piano like a master. At the time he hadn’t realized they just came to see him because he was different than everyone else. He had a freakish gift that made him stand out from the rest. Once he was older and washed up he knew the truth. He had been shunned to the pit, never to see the light of day again. Never to bask in that glow of a standing ovation, only there to hear it and imagine it.

Perhaps that was why he had taken too many pills tonight. His subconscious knowing that he couldn’t take it anymore. Better go out on a high than lying in the gutter. 

The first act had been easy, just a light floating through time and space, letting his fingers move from memory alone. 

The second act got fuzzier, his vision blurring to a small point until during the encore he had slipped from his bench with a small laugh as he looked up at the ceiling from the floor. He was still in the gutter, playing at being on top. 

He frowned a little when he heard his name coming to him like a distant memory. He attempted to shrug it off but he couldn’t, his shoulders being shaken and then he felt himself being lifted up.

“Stop.” He slurred, eyelids barely able to stay open. He moaned as he shrugged the hand off. 

“Henry! I’ll meet you at the hospital!” A voice far away sounded faintly like his sister. He muttered to himself incoherently and then it was black.

Until it wasn’t.

It was bright white and he felt himself wake up. 

“Henry.” A panic to the voice and he blinked his eyes with a grumble and he turned his head slightly to see Bea rising from her seat quickly. She leaned over his hospital bed because that’s where he was, the hospital. He knew this scene intimately. He had been here before. “Henry can you hear me?”

“Stop shouting.” He mumbled and closed his eyes, trying to bring his hands to rub his face but they weren’t going anywhere. He opened his eyes again and found soft cuffs around his wrists and now he was coming more alive. “What is this?”

“They didn’t want you to hurt yourself when you woke up.” Bea explained softly. She brushed away his hair from his face and he jerked away. He didn’t comment on the way he saw pain in her eyes. 

“How long have I been out?” He asked in a strained voice. 

“Just a day. They kept you sedated.” She said calmly but he heard the strain in her voice. He swallowed thickly and didn’t look at her. “They said you ingested 15 pills Henry. Were you...were you trying to--”

“No.” He snapped. “I wasn’t. I just...lost track okay?”

Bea sat back down heavily in her seat. “Was it me? Did I--”

“God, Bea.” He hissed. “No, it’s not you. It’s never been _you_.”

Bea nodded and looked down at her hands. Henry let out a slow, shaky breath and looked up at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry.” He said. “I don’t mean to snap at you. I don’t--” He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. “I don’t mean to yell at you.”

Bea shook her head. “I know. It’s a lot, I know. But god Henry, I wish you would get help. I wish you would let me in and help you. I wish you would let _someone_ help you.” 

Henry gritted his teeth before he heard something at the entrance. He opened his eyes and saw Pez standing there. “Oh fuck Bea, you brought him?”

“I couldn’t very well come here alone now could I?” Bea snapped as Pez walked in.

“How you doing buddy?” Pez asked hesitantly.

Henry sighed and looked up at the ceiling again. “Why are you here Pez?”

“Because I care about you? Because I want to be a good friend? Is that not enough?”

Henry turned his head to face his oldest friend. He didn’t want Pez to see him like this but he supposed Pez had been seeing him like this for a long time, he just hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself. 

Pez took a step closer and brushed Henry’s hair back like Bea had done. “You gave us a scare you know? I was supposed to be signing autographs and instead I’m in this dump.” Pez played for humor and smiled a bit but it didn’t reach his eyes and didn’t last very long. “I thought you were better Henry.”

Henry let out a bitter laugh, pulling his head from Pez’s fingertips. “It’s easier with these.”

“With Vicodin?” Pez asked softly. Henry’s eyes slid to him once more. “Easier to pretend you aren’t in pain?”

Henry swallowed and shifted under his covers. He didn’t answer. 

“Oh there he is.” He heard another voice and quickly turned his gaze to see Liam along with June, Nora and--

Fuck.

His eyes widened. “Get rid of them.” He hissed. Pez looked at the people that were starting to get closer. 

“No, I don’t think I will. Maybe it’ll show you that you aren’t alone in the world.” Pez said, eyes flashing and Henry glared at him. He was about to say something else but the group came rushing in.

“Hey Henry! You’re awake now huh?” Liam said brightly, clapping Pez on the shoulder in a greeting.

“We brought you flowers. Thought it might brighten up the place.” June said, holding up a large vase full of lilies and peonies. He swallowed thickly and attempted a smile but it was shaky at best. 

He didn’t speak once as the group chattered around him, saying how scared they were and how glad that he was feeling better. The entire time Alex didn’t say a single word, instead looking at where the soft restraints were chained to the bed, uncovered a bit by his blankets having shifted. 

“Um, why don’t we all go get some coffee or something.” June said as she finally noticed that Henry was silent and staring at Alex and Alex was doing the same. Even Bea left him behind, giving him a pointed look.

Alex didn’t move except to sit down in the chair Bea had vacated. Henry watched and stayed silent. They both did for a long while until Alex finally broke it.

“Were these pills why?” Alex finally asked. Those brown eyes finally met his own. “Is that why you push everyone away?”

“Alex.” He said softly.

“Answer me.” Alex snapped and Henry pursed his lips. Alex raised his chin like he had a leg to stand on but Henry allowed it. He _wanted_ to allow it. 

“I told you about the accident. It started from there and just…” Henry shrugged, licking his lips in nervousness. “Didn’t get better. It’s easier to deal with things when you can’t feel anything.” 

Alex let out a soft noise, his hands worrying together. 

“It was never about you. Any of you. I told you I would ruin things and I meant it.” Henry was quiet now. “It was easier to force you away than for things to get ugly later down the road.” 

Alex let out a bitter laugh and looked up again, a defiant look on his face. “You couldn’t have let me make my own decision?”

Henry pressed his lips together.

Alex leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “You’re still a person Henry. Even if whatever this is between us doesn’t work out, you’re still a person and the fact that you think you need to numb yourself is so sad to me. I don’t know what I can do to help you, but I hope you get the help you do need. The way you’re going right now...it’s not going to end well.” 

Henry’s jaw with slack at those words. He was expecting Alex to make some grand gesture or yell at him but not this. He watched silently as Alex rose from his chair.

“Please get help. If not for yourself then for Bea. You didn’t see her face when she came into the dressing room last night. You’re all she has.” Alex said softly and then he turned and walked out, leaving Henry alone. 

He let out a woosh of breath and squeezed his eyes closed as he felt heat prickle at the edges of his eyes. He _had_ been selfish, thinking it was only about him and assuming that the pills and the music could keep him going. Bea deserved better. _He_ deserved better. 

Perhaps it was time to get help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what that is? GROWTH. 
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	10. Chapter 10

It was strange seeing a new piano player sitting at Henry’s bench. She seemed perfectly nice of course, but Nora had to nudge him to stop glaring at her.

“Dude, chill.” She said quietly and he realized that he was actually glaring at this poor middle aged woman who looked at him nervously. He quickly turned away. 

“Sorry.” He muttered. 

It was strange seeing a new piano player in the pit and hearing her voice instead of Henry’s when Rafael commented on the music. It jarred him more than he cared to admit but Henry wasn’t here and he was hopefully getting the help he needed.

He knew it wasn’t his place to have spoken to him like that in the hospital. He knew that, but he had done it anyways because he just couldn’t seem to keep his mouth shut. Seeing Henry like that in the hospital bed that seemed to swallow him up brought in different feelings that he thought he had gotten rid of. He didn’t have Henry’s history. He only knew what the man had told him and even that hadn’t been much. 

Still, he cared. Despite everything, he cared. Alex Claremont Diaz was nothing if a giant bleeding heart that didn’t let things go. It was his own faulty wiring he was sure and he was also sure that he wouldn’t have changed the way his and Henry’s conversation had gone. He saw the way the man looked at him when he left. All inner pain and torture and Alex wondered if maybe an outside source would be the one to push him over the edge. 

“Alex, you paying attention?” Liam nudged him and he jolted at the sudden movement. Liam gave him a questioning look. 

“Yeah, sorry.” 

Liam smirked at him. “No you weren’t. We’re starting with the barricade scenes. You sure you’re good?”

“Just off today, that’s all.” Alex shrugged him off and Liam raised an eyebrow. “I’m fine.” 

“Whatever dude. I mean I know you know the stuff but you’re gonna be lead next week.” 

“I’m fine Liam.” He snapped and Liam pursed his lips and raised his hands. He let his shoulders drop. “Fuck, sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you I’m just--”

“You’re worried, I get it. You’re always worried about people. You focus on what you have to do here today though okay? That’s all you can do right now.” Liam said, placing a hand on Alex’s shoulder and he nodded.

“Yeah, thanks Li.” 

“No problem. Now don’t fuck up your knee this time trying to be a little monkey okay?” Liam grinned and Alex laughed.

“I’ll try not to do that.”

The rest of rehearsal went smoothly save for the still jarring sound of a female’s voice coming from the piano. The matinee went well save for him almost tripping over someone’s skirt and getting a flash of a glare. The evening performance went well save for him almost misstepping on the barricade. 

The rest of the week went great save for him still not getting used to the woman at the piano. He didn’t realize just how much he appreciated Henry’s ability until the woman’s playing seemed clunky at best and god awful at worst. 

“Even her fingers annoy me.” Alex hissed and Nora snorted.

“Bro you need to fucking chill.” She whispered back with a smug look on her face. Alex narrowed his eyes and burrowed deeper into his chair. “You got it bad son.”

“Fuck you. I’m fine.”

“See,” Nora crossed her legs and put her arm behind Alex’s chair as she leaned in a bit closer. “You say that but everything else is telling me otherwise.” 

Alex just rolled his eyes and scooted away from her. Her smile was a broken one that had dangerous intent. 

“If you want to go visit Henry just say so, I won’t judge you.” 

“No, fuck you.” He repeated and Nora’s smile deepened and she leaned back into her seat. 

He didn’t want to visit Henry. He had no place to visit Henry. He wasn’t his family and he was barely his friend but he knew he still wanted to visit him. He was too wrapped up in everything to not feel that pull towards the man. He was too invested to not care. 

He was too everything.

He needed to stop. 

The days passed slow and fast at the same time. He began to fall into a routine. 

Get up, eat breakfast with Liam and Spencer unless he was playing Marius then he ate alone. Subway ride to the theater, vocal and physical warmups, costume and makeup, matinee, shovelling food into his mouth, evening show. 

The audience never got dull though.

The thrill he got when he got a standing ovation for Marius never lost its magic.

He knew this was what he was meant for and each and every time he saw his dad give him a giant smile at the end of it all meant everything. Each time he signed autographs and took pictures with fans cemented the fact that he was where he was supposed to be.

He slowly got used to the fact that it was a woman at the piano rather than Henry. 

Without even realizing it, two months had passed and it was suddenly his birthday. Springtime in March meant blossoms and sunshine with a bite to the air.

He let his head fall back as he leaned back on the blanket he was sitting on and closed his eyes, letting the sun warm him. 

“Okay so after we eat dinner, we’re going out and I’ve got us another VIP table at that one bar.” Liam was scrolling through his phone. “I told them it was your birthday but knowing their stingy asses you probably won’t get much so I apologize in advance.” 

“That’s fine.” Alex said in an airy voice. 

“You are surprisingly chill. What’s going on?” Liam narrowed his eyes and Alex turned towards him, squinting in the sunlight.

“It’s my birthday, why can’t I be chill on my birthday?”

“Uh because last year you almost had an aneurysm because they used the wrong color on your cupcakes?”

“Green does _not_ go with purple I don’t care what anyone says.” Alex sniffed and turned his face back towards the sun. Liam snorted but said nothing. “Hey, thanks for doing this by the way.” 

Liam smiled at him as he let his eyes open once more. “Of course, you’re my roommate after all. I know how bridezilla you can be and you know where I sleep so makes sense.”

Alex grinned. They laid out in Central Park for a bit longer before packing up to head back to the apartment to get ready. June and Nora along with Pez and Bea found their way to the apartment for a pre-game of which Alex took three shots of tequila without even needing to be pressured. 

Dinner was super fancy and he appreciated the free dessert perhaps a little too much considering the drinks he also enjoyed as well. By the time they got to the gay bar he was feeling warm and good and was ready to dance the night away. 

The VIP table was ready for them and they all, save for Bea, took shots. Liam dragged Spencer to the dance floor followed quickly by June, Nora, and Pez who had somehow become a bit of a thing over the course of the days spent together in close quarters. Soon it was just him and Bea on the cushioned seats.

“How’s your birthday so far?” Bea asked as she watched him with amusement. He was swaying to the beat without even realizing it. 

He smiled widely. “Excellent. You having fun?” 

She smiled and nodded. “Very much.” 

They sat in silence as Alex finished one drink and poured himself another. He winced at the taste of alcohol. He had never been much of a bartender and being already drunk didn’t help his heavy hand. 

“Where’s Henry?” He asked finally. He had tried his best to stay out of it, he really had. He hadn’t asked Bea nor anyone for details because it wasn’t his business but his need to know things tended to get louder and louder the more he drank and right now it was all he could think about.

“He’s in rehab.” Bea said after a moment, sipping on her soda. 

Alex felt everything woosh out of him and he fell back against the cushions. “Oh fuck. I’m sorry, that wasn’t any of my business.”

“It’s okay. You’re curious and it’s going to get out eventually. It’s better to know now than be hit with it when he comes back.” Bea said like it was nothing. Alex gulped his drink. “He’s getting better. This is good for him.” 

Alex looked up when she continued and he nodded. “Is he coming back?”

Bea shrugged. “I think so. Rafael said his spot’s still available if he wants it. The woman now is well...she’s not very good.”

“Oh my god thank you!” Alex leaned forward and Bea startled before laughing. “She’s so...ugh” Alex made a face and took another sip. “She doesn’t have Henry’s ability.”

“No, she really doesn’t.” Bea’s smile warmed. “Do you want to dance or just sit and talk to me all night? I’m pretty sure that guy across the way has been staring at you the moment you sat down.”

Alex looked towards where Bea was pointing with her chin. The man gave him a flirty look and Alex looked him over. He was quite attractive. “Are you sure you’ll be okay here?”

“I’m about to go dance with Pez anyways. You should go and talk to him.” Bea winked as she rose from her seat. Alex watched as she left to disappear into the crowd and he looked back at the man. He leaned back in his seat and gulped down the rest of his drink. 

Well fuck it right? It was his birthday after all. He deserved something good.

He set his drink down and made his way through the crowd to find the man waiting for him. “Wanna dance?”

“I’d thought you’d never ask. I should thank your friend for getting you to finally look over.” The man smirked and Alex rolled his eyes.

“Or you could have come to talk to me yourself.” 

“Where’s the fun in that?” The man grinned. “I saw you on stage yesterday. You were Marius right?” 

Alex’s eyebrows rose. Usually he didn’t get noticed. Broadway was a niche fame, something only true fans were interested in. “Yeah, you were in the audience?” 

The man leaned in a little closer, tilting his head. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you. You have an incredible voice. I’m Lucas by the way.” 

“Alex.”

Lucas grinned, eyes sparkling. “I know.”

Alex narrowed his eyes. “Wait, this isn’t some weird fetish is it? Try to find the Broadway actor and sleep with him?”

“I thought you said just dancing.” Now Lucas’s eyes were really sparkling and an amused look took over. 

“Right but dancing leads to kissing and kissing leads to you asking to get out of here.” Alex crossed his arms with pursed lips that turned up at the corners. Not that he would have minded to leave with Lucas. It had been far too long since he had actually had sex. He was either too busy or too tired to even attempt but here was Lucas, practically falling into his lap like a gift. What was that saying? Don’t look a gift gay boy in the mouth?

“Is that not something you would want?” Lucas asked, his finger reaching out to wind around one of Alex’s curls. “I’d definitely say yes.” 

Alex gulped without thinking and looked up into Lucas’s rather blurry but pretty eyes. “Debatable.” He said before reaching out and wrapping his hand around Lucas’s wrist and pulling him to the dance floor. Lucas instantly came along and the two of them danced, Alex’s hips moving to the beat, Lucas’s hands going to Alex’s waist. 

He wasn’t sure how long they were dancing, time seemed to lose all meaning when you were drunk as hell and dancing with a hot boy. 

Lucas’s mouth was getting dangerously close to his own and Alex couldn’t help but smile because who didn’t feel good when a boy was giving you attention? 

“Wanna get out of here?” Lucas asked, an amused look on his face and Alex rolled his eyes. “I know I’m a walking cliche.” 

“Guess I am too. Let’s go.” Alex said, tugging on Lucas’s arm, wrapping it around his own shoulders. Lucas laughed and steered them towards the entrance. Alex caught sight of Bea who gave him a thumbs up. Alex made a motion about texting, at least he was pretty sure. She grinned and nodded. 

“You live far from here?” Alex asked and Lucas shook his head. 

“Nah like three blocks away. You can hold out that long?”

Alex snorted and laughed. “Believe me, I’ve held out way longer than three fucking blocks.”

Lucas grinned and soon they were at his apartment stumbling up steps (Alex) and opening doors (Lucas) and kissing (Alex and Lucas). 

Alex felt his body pushing against Lucas who had bracketed him against the door and Lucas pulled him towards some room by his collar and then he was falling onto a bed and being held down by a taller man’s body. 

“Alright, good move.” Alex grinned, scooting back until he was on pillows and Lucas was shoving hands under clothing. Alex did the same, his blunt nails coming around to scratch under Lucas’s shirt. Everything was slightly spinning, the effects of alcohol still taking over. He was letting out sounds that he heard from a distance and Lucas was undoing his jeans and shoving a hand inside. He let out a keen, bucking up into the man with surprise but it wasn’t enough to make him shove Lucas away. He had a need to take control most times but as of now, he was perfectly fine letting the man take charge. 

“You should sing for me.” Lucas whispered against his neck, sucking at the skin lightly that made Alex shiver.

“What?” He asked, delayed response.

“Sing for me.” 

Alex frowned and pushed Lucas back. “Excuse me?” 

Lucas sat back on his haunches and shrugged. “I liked you singing.”

“Yeah but we’re hooking up, I’m not going to sing while hooking up that’s weird.”

“Is it baby?” Lucas asked, leaning forward to kiss him and Alex felt himself melt into a bit before his brain rewired and he pushed the man back again. 

“Yes, it is.” He narrowed his eyes and Lucas let out a loud sigh.

“Are you serious right now?”

“Yeah I’m fucking serious. I’m not about to sing for you Jesus Christ man.” Alex growled and scooted all the way back so he could get out from under Lucas. 

“Don’t be such an asshole.” Lucas scoffed and Alex gathered up his clothes, jumping into his jeans and pulling his shirt back on. 

“I’m not being an asshole. I knew this was gonna be a weird fetish thing. See ya.” Alex glared and let himself out of the apartment, head pounding with anger and his body shaking a bit in surprise. He shoved a hand through his curls before walking down the stairs and headed towards his own apartment. 

Fucking hell even on his own birthday he couldn’t get a decent lay. 

He began walking the streets, orienting himself and keeping his head down. He avoided everyone he could but with the amount of alcohol still in his system it wasn’t exactly a straight line. 

“Hey, watch it.” He grumbled as he felt a shoulder careen into his own.

“Alex?” The voice made him stop and turn. There was Henry in the flesh. He frowned, reaching out to poke and yep, Henry was real.

“Henry? What the fuck are you doing out?” 

“I could ask you the same question.” Henry’s mouth twitched up into a tired smile. He looked...good. At least from what Alex could tell in his bleary vision. He had dark circles under his eyes still but they weren’t as deep nor as purple. His frame had filled out a little bit. “Bea told you didn’t she?”

Alex shook his head, trying to restart his brain yet again and he blinked. “I mean she told me tonight, yeah. I didn’t want to pry but I uh...I got drunk. It’s my birthday and I...yeah.” He stumbled over his words.

Henry shoved his hands into his pockets. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks man.” Alex said, an actual genuine smile now. “You look good. I mean...well fuck you know what I mean.” 

Henry laughed and nodded. “Thanks. I like to go on walks.” Henry shrugged. “To answer your question. I finished rehab three days ago.”

“Oh um that’s great.” Alex shifted on his feet nervously. 

“It’s okay. You can feel weird about it. I still feel kinda weird about it.” Henry said. “Are you heading back to your place?” 

Alex nodded. 

“Do you need help getting home?”

Alex gave him a confused face. “What?”

“I like walks, remember. I don’t mind walking you.”

Alex shook his head. “No, that’s okay. I’ll be fine.”

Henry studied him for a moment before nodding. “Alright then. See you on Friday.” 

Alex nodded and turned to walk before freezing and turning back again quickly. “Wait, you’re coming back?”

Henry stopped and turned too. “Yeah?”

Alex ran and hugged him hard. “Oh thank fucking god the other piano lady is so terrible. Thank you thank you thank.” Alex squeezed him tightly and Henry laughed.

“Uh, you’re welcome?” Henry patted his head and Alex looked up, seeing those blue eyes that were so much brighter than he had ever seen before. Henry looked down at him and it was like they were frozen in time for a moment before Henry cleared his throat and Alex released his grip.

He cleared his throat. “Okay, see you tomorrow then.” He said with a small wave and a smile and Henry nodded, same quiet smile on his face.

“See you. Be safe okay?”

Alex nodded and turned to actually leave this time, terribly bad hookup all but forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE GOT A TIME PASSAGE HOLLAAAAA two months have passed and it has felt like it's taken me two months to actually write this chapter. Sorry for the delay!! 
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	11. Chapter 11

Henry flexed his hands as he lightly touched the cool keys, familiarizing himself with the feeling of his piano once more. It felt like coming home. 

He wanted to massage his hands on instinct but he found that he didn’t need to. It was just an old habit that tricked him into thinking he needed pills to feel good. To feel like he could play for hours on end if he needed to. He didn’t need the pills. He hadn’t needed them for a long time, he had just been lying to himself. 

“Does it feel good to be back?” Bea asked as she came over. It was nearing the start of the matinee showing and he startled a bit at her sudden appearance. She smiled at him encouragingly. 

He nodded. “I didn’t realize how much I would have missed it.”

“We’re glad to have you back.” She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tight. He made a sound of muffled protest which only made Bea laugh. She released him and looked him in the eyes. “You sure you’re up for this though? It’s a lot to jump back into.” 

He rolled his eyes. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.” 

She pursed her lips. “That’s what you always said and--” 

“And I mean it this time.” He grabbed her hand and held it. “I’m good.” 

Bea hesitated before nodded. “Alright. Knock them dead.” 

Henry watched as she stepped off the platform for the piano before finding her seat and started to warm up. He flexed his hands again and began to warm himself up before showtime started. He closed his eyes and let his fingers feel the keys rather than his eyes. He always felt more intune when he had his eyes closed, able to feel the music rather than see it on the page. He knew Les Miserables by heart at this point and even though he had been gone for two months, he had found himself tapping out the music on every surface. Usually it had been during group therapy at the beginning, something to distract himself from facing his downfall head on. Then it had been during meals, tapping out Who am I or Stars. By the end he was doing it absently when he was in the gardens or chatting with others. 

His eyes opened when he heard the tap of the conductor’s baton and he stopped playing, letting the lights flash as a signal that the show was about to start. 

Then he fell through time and didn’t surface until the very last note. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding and took his hands off the keys, closing his eyes and bringing them to his chest. A silent thanks. 

He hardly heard the applause but he knew it was going on and it wasn’t for him but it still felt like it was. He blinked open when he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder. Bea was standing next to him and gave him a smile. He smiled faintly back and nodded. 

Henry rose from his seat and followed Bea out and she hugged him tightly again. He hugged her back, finding his face in the crook of her shoulder. 

“How did it feel?” She asked, voice muffled.

“Like flying.” He whispered back. She squeezed him tighter before loosening and leaning back. Her thumb ran across his cheek. “I’m sorry.” 

She shook her head. “What on earth do you have to be sorry for?” 

“I put you through so much shit. I shut you out and refused to admit I had a problem.” 

Her smile didn’t leave her face. “You’re alive. You’re here in this moment.”

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m still sorry.” 

She laughed and nudged him. “You wouldn’t be sorry if you saw what you looked like when you were playing today. I haven’t seen you look like that in years Henry. It looked like you for the first time. The you before all of this.” 

He gave her a pained look, sadness leaking into his very soul. “Bea…” He trailed off and she shook her head.

“It’s true Hen. I’m glad I finally have my brother back.”

He took in a deep breath, feeling tears prick the corners of his eyes and he let out a slightly watery laugh. “You’re not supposed to make me cry.” 

She grinned at him and leaned up to kiss his cheek. “I’m your sister, I can make you do whatever I want to.”

He smiled at her before laughing again and he brushed at the corner of his eyes. “I do feel happier though. You’re not wrong about that one. It’s like I felt the music for the first time today.”

“Good, I’m glad. Now let’s go find somewhere to relax for a bit alright? I’m starved.” 

Henry nodded and let Bea lead the way down towards the dressing rooms. They had left their things in the costume department considering the musicians didn’t usually have their own space. That was left to the actors. They grabbed their things and found the actors putting back on their clothes, several leaving their makeup on for the evening show later rather than having to redo it. 

He paused when Bea continued towards the girls dressing room but Henry found Alex, Pez, and Liam lingering in their own dressing room. He gestured for Bea to continue on without him and he stepped into the doorway.

“Hen! How’s it going mate?” Pez greeted him and he smiled. 

“Not bad. Sounds like you guys actually know what you’re doing now.” He teased and Pez chuckled.

“Alex here hasn’t fallen in two weeks if you can believe it.” Liam patted Alex on the shoulder who shrugged him off. He found Alex’s eyes in the mirror and he wondered if they had always been that lit up or if it was something new.

“Shut up Liam, it's been way longer than that.” Alex grumbled as he ran his fingers through his hair in the mirror and straightened up. “How was the first day back Henry?”

“Good.” He said with a nod, moving in to sit on the couch. Pez scooted over to make room for him. “Like riding a bike I suppose.” 

“He says like it’s not amazing that he plays music the entire production.” Liam smirked at him and Henry shrugged with a shy laugh. He had forgotten what it was like to be around people that actually wanted him in their life. How he had ever been cruel to them was a wonder to him. They were all full of life, laughing and having a good time and he had been in the background slowly festering. He had been given a second chance and he wasn’t going to squander it. 

Alex plopped down next to him and he startled, getting pulled out of his thoughts. “You good? You looked like you were off in wonderland.” 

He pushed Alex’s finger away when he got poked in the cheek. “I’m fine, just thinking.”

“Oh yeah? Penny for your thoughts?”

Alex’s eyes were so bright and full of life and Henry wondered what the hell Alex had seen in him to not completely shut him out. The rest of the boys had left, leaving the two of them alone in the dressing room. He could still hear people walking the halls and laughing in the other rooms around them but Henry only had eyes for Alex.

“Just wondering why.”

Alex frowned. “Why?”

He swallowed and looked down at his hands. Sometimes they didn’t feel like his own. The only time they truly felt like they belonged to him was when he was playing. He wondered if Alex felt like that when he was on stage. “Why bother with me? I pushed you away so much and still your stubborn self stayed around.”

Alex chuckled to himself. “I never said I was smart. Just ask June or Nora. They can vouch for that.” 

Henry looked back up. “You know I’m a drug addict and still you’re talking to me.”

“Well I’m not going to ignore you just because of that. Now that I know your history, your why, it makes more sense why you tried to push me away. You’re not going to get rid of me that easily.” The corner of Alex’s mouth came up and Henry wished he could kiss it. Just that one little corner and make it smooth down into something soft. “Is that why you slept with me when you did? Was it because you were high?”

Henry let out a strangled noise that sounded a bit like a cough. 

“Too much?” Alex asked with a laugh and Henry shook his head, reaching for his water bottle in his bag. He took a gulp.

He couldn’t look at Alex when he answered though. “Yes I was high. I wanted to feel something and honestly I didn’t even remember most of it.”

“Wow. Really know how to make a man feel special.” Alex said in a deadpan voice before shrugging. “I kinda figured though considering you didn’t really react to me that first day of rehearsals until I was right up in your face.”

“You played it very smooth though.” Henry managed a small smile, mirror to Alex’s. 

“You looked like you wanted to sink into the depths of the earth so I kinda had to for the both of us.” Now a real laugh from the man. God he was so bright to look at.

“And now?” 

“Now what?” 

“How do you feel about me now?”

Alex studied him for a moment, clearly confused. “I thought you said that you didn’t want to be with me.”

“I don’t mean for us to be together. I just mean…” Oh fuck what did he mean? He would be lying if he said that he didn’t find Alex attractive. Being forced to confront his feelings and emotions for the first time in years was difficult at best and torture at worst. Being in front of Alex without the dullness dimming everything around him was like turning back on the lights after sitting in darkness for so long. 

Alex raised an eyebrow. “It sounds like you don’t know what you want either.”

“I’m awful at this.” He groaned and put his head in his hands. “Usually I’ve pushed everyone away at this point and I don’t have to deal with things.” 

“Well, like I said, I’m stubborn.” Alex said, slapping his hands on his knees like he was ending the conversation. Henry looked up and Alex stood, holding out his hand to pull Henry up off the couch. “Let’s go get pizza. Way better than whatever you’ve packed for lunch today.”

Henry’s lips twisted into something resembling a smile and he took Alex’s hand. He assumed the man would lead the way but Alex didn’t move. He looked down at the smaller man who’s brown eyes were boring holes into the fabric of his very being. Were Alex’s eyes always this beautiful or had they been dimmed? 

“For both our sakes, I hope you come to the truth with what you want.” The words came out in an almost cherished whisper and then Alex turned and walked away like they had never been spoken at all. 

They got pizza, Pez and Liam joined them and Henry stayed mostly silent as he tried to keep up with whatever gossip was going on. He had been gone for two months and had obviously missed a lot including the loss of two swing actors (pawned off to another production) along with a new Valjean understudy fresh off the West End production. 

“Yeah dad was _not_ happy about that one but I told him that he needs to actually take some time off when he gets the chance and not completely wreck his voice.” Alex shrugged, mouth full of pizza when he spoke. Henry gave him a slightly grossed out look which only made Alex grin. 

They made it back to the theater in time for the boys to get their makeup back on and for Henry to warm back up. He was still fresh but he couldn’t help but be nervous without the warm up. He felt a cramp in his hands and he went back to absently massaging them as he waited for the rest of the pit to show up for the evening performance.

“Are your hands bothering you?” Bea asked, making him jump.

“What? Oh, no. Habit.” He said, releasing his grip and wiping his palms on his black slacks. She nodded and took her seat. 

He let himself disappear into the music. It was easier than thinking about Alex but he almost missed a note when he heard Alex as Marius. He frowned. He didn’t realize Alex was playing Marius tonight considering Liam had been around but he supposed that he didn’t actually see Liam getting ready when he had walked by the dressing rooms when he put his things back down in the costume department. How could he stop himself from thinking about Alex when that was all he could hear? 

He narrowed his eyes and focused on the notes, actually looking at his sheet music for this performance. It was harder to do when Alex’s voice was in his ear during Empty Chairs at Empty Tables and all he could think of was how much he had insulted the man when they had first met. It had all been a ruse, a ploy to push the man away but in fact he had been wrong. Alex had a beautiful voice and he had always had that beautiful voice. A bit rusty at the beginning but nothing worthy of his snapping. 

He kept his composure until the last note and then he closed his eyes, clasping his hands together tightly and relaxing on the seat. He squeezed his eyes tightly before the audience’s clapping died down and then he opened them slowly. 

Fuck he had been so stupid. 

He rose from his seat and gathered his things, rather calmly despite the turmoil in his chest. He put his sheet music under his arm after closing the lid and fall board of the piano and then walked smoothly towards the dressing rooms, bypassing the costume department that was chaos on a good day.

He found Alex in the dressing room he shared. Liam wasn’t there, only Pez. Pez made eye contact with him when he noticed him standing in the doorway and instantly saw the look in his eyes. 

“I’ll be back later, I have to go speak with Rafael about something.” Pez said lightly. Alex hadn’t noticed him.

“Yeah whatever dude.” Alex was scrubbing his face with a makeup remover wipe.

“Alex.” He said and Alex instantly froze for a moment before slowly looking up into the mirror. He must have seen something in Henry’s face because he didn’t try and crack a joke and Henry was grateful for that in this moment. He glided inside, shutting the door behind him. Alex turned in his chair, looking at him expectantly. Now he was suddenly nervous.

“I was wrong. The first day of rehearsals I was wrong.” Alex’s eyebrows twitched together in confusion but he chugged ahead. “I snapped at you because I remembered part of our night together and I wanted to push you away because I never let anyone close because letting someone in close means showing them parts of me I can’t hide that are disgusting and I hate them but they’re still parts of me.”

Alex reached out hesitantly, almost taking his hand back but continued to move forward until he grasped Henry’s. 

Henry let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes for a moment before swallowing and continuing. “Hearing you tonight on stage I was...I was wrong. Your voice is magic. _You’re_ magic and I can’t believe I just said that sober but it’s true.”

Alex let out a little laugh and squeezed his hand.

“I’m damaged goods though. I can’t deny that I’m not and I’m a lot to handle and I would never put that on you and I--” Henry started before Alex surged forward and kissed him. It was nearly a repeat of their last kiss when Alex had done the same thing in the rehearsal studio, but this time he wanted it. This time he wouldn’t shove Alex away.

“You’re so fucking dumb you know that?” Alex said against his lips and Henry moved back a bit.

“Wait...what does this mean though?” 

“It means I’ve been wanting you to come around for months Henry. I don’t care that you’re damaged goods. I don’t care that you’re afraid of letting someone in. I’ve stuck around this long haven’t I?” Alex smiled softly and brushed his thumb across Henry’s cheekbones where his palm was against his skin. He couldn’t help but lean into the touch. “I’ll be here. Fucking come get me you idiot.”

Henry let out a genuine laugh and this time he kissed Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMGGGGGGGGGGG fucking finally am I right??? Is this fic finally gonna live up to its explicit rating? Tune in next time on 'kathleen tries to fucking write during this weird ass quarantine'
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	12. Chapter 12

Alex had thought about this moment for a long time. Longer than he cared to admit. He wished he could have stopped himself but his imagination usually got the better of him. He had never thought it would have happened like this though, Henry confessing his feelings in the middle of a dressing room while he was wearing heavy stage makeup and was still wearing a cravat. 

But here he was, kissing Henry and it was much better than anything he would have imagined for himself. A real Jane Austen moment if he said so himself. 

Henry broke off the kiss, both of them breathing a bit harder than they were a minute ago and Alex let out a breathy laugh. Henry’s blue eyes met his and he realized just how bright they were. He wondered if they had been a quiet blue this entire time, dulled by the painkillers in his system. Now they looked like pure starlight and he couldn’t look away. 

“Well about fucking time.” He said before he even thought about it and Henry rolled his eyes, reminiscent of the Henry he knew from before but this Henry felt lighter, happier. 

“Don’t get too comfortable. I’m not going to sleep with you.” Henry said, poking him in the chest. 

Alex let out a surprised laugh. “Wow who is this person in front of me?” 

“I like to actually date. Or...at least I did. I do.” Henry stumbled over his words and Alex pursed his lips contemplatively.

“Can our first date be tonight? I need food and I’m assuming you do too.” 

Henry scratched the back of his head, suddenly nervous. 

“Oh come on, it’s just ramen. Pez took me to that ramen place near here and it’s so good.” Alex began undoing his costume, placing it back on the hanger. 

“Yes, okay, ramen sounds good.” Henry said with a nod.

Alex looked up as he got halfway done with unbuttoning his shirt and saw that Henry was staring intensely at his exposed chest. He grinned and snapped his fingers. “Pay attention to the face Mr. Fox.” 

Henry blinked and looked up, frozen for a moment before shaking his head. “Right, yes, I’ll meet you outside. I’m sure you’ve got autographs to sign too.” 

Alex arched an eyebrow and gave Henry a smug look before nodding. “Alright Romeo. Meet you outside.” 

Henry turned and promptly walked out the door and Alex snickered to himself. Pez slipped back inside after a few minutes. 

“So just saw our boy out in the hall. He looks dazed as fuck, what did you do to him Alexander?”

“More like what he did to me.” He grinned and Pez had the decency to gasp dramatically.

“Did you deflower him on this couch?” 

Alex laughed as he pulled on his sweats. “No, we just kissed. We’re about to get ramen though. I would say for you to join us but I’d like to do more than kiss on this night so fuck off.”

“Go easy on him alright? He’s fragile.” Pez said in a serious voice, something Alex wasn’t prepared for.

“I know that. I was just kidding. I was going to take it slow.” 

Pez found his eyes in the mirror. “I mean it Alex. I don’t want to have to hunt you down.” 

Alex leaned over and kissed the top of Pez’s head. “Don’t worry mom. It’s just ramen.”

Pez narrowed his eyes but didn’t protest again. Alex grabbed his things and headed out the side door. He paused for a few pictures and autographs until he found Henry waiting for him, leaning against a brick building. He had to collect himself for a moment because damn if the man didn’t look ethereal underneath those street lamps. Henry turned his way and straightened up with a small smile. Alex sucked in a spring air breath and walked towards him.

“Ready to get our noodle on?” 

“That sounds vaguely like a sex thing.” Henry muttered and Alex bit back a grin. 

“What do you have on your mind? Care to share with the class?” He teased and Henry rolled his eyes again but kept the smile firmly on his lips. 

“Just channelling you I suppose.” Henry hummed. He didn’t move away when Alex looped their arms together. He did give Alex a questioning look though but Alex just beamed at him and steered them towards the ramen shop.

When they sat down Alex suddenly got nervous. He wasn’t much of the dating type really. It was more of a hookup that streamlined into a hangout session until he was basically living over at someone’s place.

“I’ll be the first one to admit, this is my first date in a long time.” Alex said, folding his hands together on the table. 

Henry met his gaze. “Yeah, me too. I don’t usually get this far.” 

Alex let out a laugh of relief. “Guess we’re two peas in a pod then.” 

Henry smirked. “Both kinda fucked up when it comes to relationships.”

Alex let out a mock gasp. “How dare you sir! I’ll have you know I’m an upstanding citizen.” 

“Who hooks up with randoms from a bar.” 

“Fair enough.” Alex took a sip of his water. “Did you miss me while you were gone?”

Henry shifted back into his chair, silent for a moment and Alex felt a spike of fear run through him. Had he said something wrong?

“Yes.” Henry finally spoke. “Even if I didn’t deserve to miss you.”

“You were right to push me away though. You were going through some shit.” Alex settled back in his own chair. “Clearly I was coming on too strong. I uh...I have a bad habit of doing that.” He looked down, fingers messing with the chopsticks on the table. 

“I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to admit something was wrong and you were in my face and showing me how much you cared despite me being a total ass to you. I’m sorry I did it.” Henry admitted and Alex looked up.

“Definitely both fucked up.” Alex smiled softly at him and Henry laughed.

“That’s for sure.”

Their ramen arrived and Alex instantly jumped in with his chopsticks. He slurped his soup until he looked up and saw Henry staring at him. “What?”

“You eat ramen like a neanderthal.” Henry said as he easily twirled his chopsticks around his noodles and brought them into his mouth.

Alex rolled his eyes. “Okay not all of us can be prim and proper. Let me eat ramen the way I’m gonna eat ramen.” He stuck out his tongue and Henry let out a genuine laugh. Alex couldn’t help but smile. His eyes went soft around the edges and Henry’s face morphed into a sudden look of nervousness.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Alex said, shaking his head. He shrugged. “You just have a really nice laugh, that’s all.” 

Henry blushed and ate another bite of noodles. “Shut up.” He muttered and Alex’s soft smile grew larger. 

“Nope. That’s the one thing I absolutely cannot do.” 

Henry kicked him lightly under the table. Alex nudged him back. They kept going at it until his foot was wrapped around Henry’s ankle and they both smiled stupidly at each other until their bowls were empty. 

“Can I walk you home?” Henry asked and Alex couldn’t help but smile a bit. He wasn’t used to someone being so..well, kind to him.

“I suppose so.” He said, attempting at keeping his smile small but it expanded as they rose from the table and stepped into the only slightly chilly spring air. For a while they walked silently down the still crowded sidewalks. The streetlights kept everything lit and Henry’s hair seemed to glow like they had when he had found him waiting outside after the autographs. 

“So…” Henry started.

“Yes?” Alex twisted his body a bit towards Henry, still walking in a straight line but more casually. 

Henry laughed and shook his head. Alex could feel the same nervous energy rolling off the man and he took pity on him by taking his hand. He laced their fingers together and Henry looked down at their conjoined hands before looking up at Alex. He let out a sigh and faced straight ahead.

“This is going to be easy for you.” Henry said quietly and Alex frowned a bit. Henry swallowed and pressed on. “I’m just warning you now. There’s going to be times when I just...can’t.”

Alex stayed silent for a moment, letting the words wash over him. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Henry stopped and Alex stopped too. An annoyed older woman huffed and walked around them. Alex walked them forward until they were closer to one of the stoops lining the street. 

He shrugged. “Okay.” He leaned forward. “I’m not going anywhere Henry. We’re gonna be working together for however long this run goes and I really do like you however hard you make it for yourself.” 

Henry let air come out of his nose in a huff before the corner of his mouth twitched up. “You really are stubborn.” 

Alex raised his chin. “I like to call it a fierce determination of will.” Now Henry actually laughed and Alex's smile softened. He reached out to cup Henry’s cheek. “I don’t think you realize how much people care about you. Me included.” 

Henry bit his lip, eyes downcast. 

“Hey,” He whispered and Henry looked at him. He reached out so he was cupping both cheeks. “You’ve been through hell and back. Let me help you.” 

Henry sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He hesitantly reached out and wrapped his arms around Alex in a tentative hug. Alex smiled and hugged him back tightly, pressing his face into Henry’s neck, ignoring the fact that he had to be on his tiptoes in order to do it. He slowly sank to his heels and Henry loosened his grip. 

Henry pressed his forehead to Alex’s and they stood there for a moment before Henry leaned back. “Thanks.” Henry said softly and Alex smiled with a nod. He slipped his hand back into Henry’s and they continued walking until they came to Alex’s apartment. He stopped and turned to stand in front of Henry.

“Well…” He said with a cock of his head.

“Well.” Henry repeated with pressed lips. 

“You can come up if you want. Liam’s not home. He’s over at Spencer’s apartment.”

Henry tensed slightly. “I’m…I’m not sure.”

Alex shrugged. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

Henry tilted his head back to look up at the building before back at Alex. “I don’t want to mess things up.”

Alex squeezed Henry’s hand. “You won’t mess things up.” 

Henry pressed his lips together again before nodding. “Alright I suppose.” 

Alex couldn’t help the big smile on his face before pulling on Henry’s hand. “Up we go then.”

\---------

He hadn’t planned on going home with Alex. Really and truly he had just wanted to walk him home but Alex was so sincere and open and eager that he had been convinced. He hadn’t usually been one to give into puppy dog eyes but on Alex they were like catnip.

He knew Alex was being truthful too. It seemed the man had a thing for not giving up on people and though Henry wasn’t sure if he deserved it, he wasn’t going to give up on Alex either. It took a special kind of person to stick with him after all this time. After all he had put Alex through.

The apartment looked mostly the same save for a few extra plants and a few new posters in Alex’s room. 

“Subtle.” He said, jerking his head towards the Les Mis production poster with Alex in the background and Alex grinned.

“I’m my own biggest fan, what can I say?” 

Henry chuckled and looked around the room as Alex patted a place next to him on the bed. He looked at him nervously which only made Alex roll his eyes. 

“I’m not going to bite you. Our TV’s busted after Liam’s cat chewed the wires. All I’ve got is my laptop. I promise not to move to your side of the bed if you don’t want me to.” Alex said, patting the bed once more. He slipped off his shoes and sat down, shifting more towards the center so that his shoulders rested against Alex’s. He watched as Alex pulled up Netflix and put on The Office. 

“Really?” Henry asked, arching an eyebrow. 

“The Office is good what are you talking about? I’ve kinda exhausted my musicals anyways unless you want to watch the 2012 Les Mis?” Alex gave him a pointed look.

Henry quickly shook his head. “I already have those songs stuck in my head all day long. I don’t need to hear Eddie Redmayne sing them too.” 

“I do a much better Empty Chairs don’t you think?” Alex said with a smug expression.

“Yeah, you do.” 

Alex narrowed his eyes. “Are you just saying that because I’m right here or do you mean it?”

“No, I’m serious. Eddie does it dramatically, sure, but it’s not meant for the theater. It’s meant for a movie audience. I like the way you do it. More subtle but equally as heartbreaking. I think I like yours better than Liam’s if I’m being completely honest.” He said. Jim and Pam were on in the background but Alex only had eyes for him. “What?”

“Wow. It’s literally taking everything in my body not to jump you right now because you just complimented me so well.” Alex said and Henry couldn’t help the way his eyes widened. He could see how Alex was holding back at the moment and Henry felt his gaze sweep over Alex. He was dastardly attractive, especially the way his brown eyes were darkened at the moment. 

He swallowed thickly, eyes returning to the laptop screen because it was easier to look at that than look at Alex at the moment. He didn’t expect things to turn so quickly but if he was being honest with himself, he knew that as soon as he decided to come up to Alex’s apartment things would shift. Hopefully towards the better but he could never be too sure with himself at the moment. He was having to deal with his brain not being in a fog for the first time in years. 

“Yes, well, I guess I’m just being honest. You didn’t deserve the way I acted towards you in the beginning of rehearsals.” He muttered, eyes briefly flicking towards Alex who was still staring at him. He closed his eyes for a moment. “You’re good.” He said, opening them again. 

Alex settled back against the headboard and nodded. The tension died down for a bit as they settled in to watch the show. They slowly started drifting together, bodies scooching down, Alex’s head on his shoulder, his arm around Alex, Alex’s arm around his middle. 

He didn’t realize he had closed his eyes until Alex shifted and he opened them. 

“Did you fall asleep?” Alex asked in a sleepy voice.

“I guess I did.” He said with a little laugh. 

“Do you want to stay here? I pinky promise no funny business.” Alex mumbled into his chest. 

“Do I get to be the big spoon?” He asked, mostly meaning it as a joke.

“You think you get to be the big spoon just because you’re taller than me? Short king rights okay.” Alex muttered, pushing off his body to sit up a little straighter. 

“You want to be the big spoon?” Henry smirked.

“Yes.” Alex said and didn’t offer anything else. Henry shrugged and Alex rose from the bed to turn out the lights. Netflix was still playing in the background and Alex set the laptop on his nightstand. Henry scooted down so that he was laying on his side and Alex came in behind him, wrapping his arm around his chest and pulling him tightly to him before relaxing his grip. Henry closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. He hadn’t realized how long he had been held like this and he had missed it. 

Sleep was starting to take him and he was nearly there when he felt Alex kiss the back of his neck. 

“I thought you said no funny business.” He mumbled.

“What’s a neck kiss between friends?” Alex said quietly in his ear, his breath making him shiver a bit. Before he thought about it, he twisted in Alex’s grip until they were face to face, Alex’s features almost blurry, they were so close. He could still see the way Alex had a muffled expression of shock before it smoothed out into interest. “Hello.” 

“Hi.” Henry breathed back. He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to do it but he was rolling with it. 

“What are you doing?” Alex asked softly.

“Just...hold still okay?” Henry said, his voice equally soft. Alex didn’t move as he leaned his head in and pressed his lips to Alex’s. They were still just as warm and plush as they had been when they had kissed in the dressing room what felt like eons ago but had only been a few hours. Alex let out a soft sound, lips moving against Henry’s like they had rehearsed for months. He supposed in a way they had. Constantly dancing around each other despite their multiple missteps and falls. 

He pulled back after who knew how long and Alex’s long eyelashes fluttered as his eyes opened with a smile.

“What was that for?” Alex whispered. 

“For being you.” He said back quietly. 

Alex huffed out a laugh and leaned into the pillow. He closed his eyes when he felt Alex’s fingers graze along his face, running across his cheekbones, down his nose, and over his lips. He opened his eyes that he hadn’t realized he closed when he felt Alex’s hand run through his hair. 

“You know you’re beautiful right?” Alex said in a cherished voice. He pursed his lips and Alex kissed the worry away before leaning back again. “Especially when you let people see the real you. I see you Henry.” 

He wasn’t sure why but those words made his throat close up and he pulled Alex in close, bringing their foreheads together. They laid there like this until he heard Alex’s breaths deepen and the man’s muscles relax. 

“I don’t deserve you.” He whispered against Alex’s hair. “But I want you.” 

And then he too let himself go to sleep in the arms of a man he was terrified and elated to let himself fall for.

And this time he wasn’t going to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slowly but surely making my way through these final chapters! We're wrapping up folks (at least I think so I'm kinda winging it at this point WHOOPS but don't worry I've got a few plot points to hit. We're gonna reach out explicit rating don't you worry) Let me know what you think! (p.s. being on spring break does wonders for the muse thank GOD)
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> explicit stuff first half of the chapter enemies of the heir beware

Henry shifted in the bed that didn’t smell like him when he felt someone move behind him. He blinked his eyes opened and saw Alex’s room in the daylight, something he wasn’t normally accustomed to.

“You stayed.” Alex murmured sleepily, kissing his bare shoulder. His shirt had ridden up in the night, loose sleeves pushed up. He hummed and closed his eyes lazily when Alex wrapped an arm around his middle and hugged him close. 

“I was too lazy to walk home.” He teased, twisting his neck a bit to see Alex just in the corner of his eye before giving him a loose smile. 

“You’re so annoying.” Alex bit down on his shoulder gently before releasing his grip and sitting up. “Do you want breakfast? I can make up an omelette or something.”

Henry rubbed at his eyes. “Or something?”

Alex shrugged. “I think we have bread. I could make us french toast.”

“So fancy.” Henry chuckled as he twisted his body to lay on his back. “How do you have this much energy this early in the morning?”

“I’m like the energizer bunny baby. Ready to go the moment I open my eyes.” Alex clapped his hands and jumped up off the bed making Henry laugh as he pushed one hand through his hair. He saw the way that Alex was still wearing his shorts and shirt from last night, neither of them having stripped down it seemed. He couldn’t help but notice that Alex’s shorts were tight at the front and he gave a pointed look.

“Guess all of you is ready to go too.” He smirked and Alex narrowed his eyes. 

“Like you’re any better.” Alex jumped down onto the bed, landing on his knees and crawled over to straddle Henry. He jerked back in surprise, not ready for the movement. He jerked again when Alex sat down around his hips, ass backing up to where it was clear that he was feeling the same effects of waking up. He hated that he loved the knowing look Alex was giving him at the moment. 

“Yeah, okay you’re not wrong.” Henry muttered.

“I can fix that.” Alex said, voice dipping into a southern accent that somehow was doing wonders for him. 

He bit his lip, looking up at Alex who’s curls were a messy halo around his head. He did want to. Was that bad of him? Was that going back on everything he had said the night before? But he had been clear to Alex that this wasn’t going to be some one and done thing for him. This was something that if it was going to happen, it was going to last. 

He put his hands on Alex’s hips, thumbs dipping under the waistband without really thinking about it. “Mmm and what would you have in mind?” He asked, a playful smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. 

Alex leaned over until he was hovering and all Henry had to do was reach up to pull him close. “That depends. You want it slow or fast?” 

Henry pressed his lips together, attempting not to smile but he couldn’t hide the way his dick twitched at the thought, Alex’s ass still clearly against him. Alex gave him a knowing look. “I’d want it slow. That is, if I would let you touch me at all.” 

Alex raised an eyebrow. He began to grind back on Henry and Henry felt hot sparks spread. “I know what you’re thinking about.” Alex said in a sing song voice, mouth hovering above him. “You can trust me.” These words were said softer, and it made Henry’s jaw hurt like he had eaten something too sweet. 

“I know I can.” He said softly back. Then he reached up and pulled Alex to him, kissing him long and deep. He let out a quiet sound when Alex licked inside his mouth, tongue pressing in close. He made a gross face. “Bleh, morning breath.” 

Alex snorted and rolled his eyes. He rolled the rest of his body too. “Get over it.” 

“Hmm yeah okay.” Henry hummed with a grin and pulled him close once more. Alex pushed his hands up and under Henry’s shirt until the fabric was raised over his head. Alex leaned back, breaking the kiss. He couldn’t help but shiver as the blown brown eyes raked over his body. 

“Fuck I forgot how you looked under all that.” Alex whispered, fingernails lightly tracing down his body. Henry let out a gasp when Alex moved down and yanked his pants off. He let out a groan when Alex wrapped his hand around Henry’s very hard cock, tongue licking around delicately until Alex took him all the way in his mouth, hand pumping where he couldn’t fit. 

“I thought you said you were going slow?” He managed to get out. 

Alex stopped, poking his head up. “Do you really want to go slow?”

“Fuck no just keep going.” Henry waved his hand, falling back on the pillows. His hand shoved its way through Alex’s hair, gripping the messy curls hard as Alex sucked particularly hard. He hadn’t been touched like this in months, not since he and Alex had done this for the first time and even then he hadn’t been himself. He hadn’t been aware of hardly anything. This was like a brand new experience for him. His first time in a long time that he was truly himself. 

Alex paused and looked up. “How far do you want to go?” 

Henry looked down before looking back up at the ceiling. “I...is it bad that I want you inside me?” He managed a peek down at Alex with a slight wince. The man’s expression didn’t make him feel bad. 

“Uh hell no. That’s fucking hot.” Alex said before crawling up. “Hang on I gotta--” He said, reaching over towards the nightstand. Henry kissed the skin that was against him before Alex grabbed whatever he needed and moved back down. He heard the unmistakable sound of a lube cap opening. “Cold.” He heard Alex warn before he jerked a little at the sudden feeling of the cold gel against his skin. It wasn’t as bad considering Alex took him in his mouth once more, making his senses fry a bit at the sudden feeling of himself in someone’s mouth and a finger circling his entrance. 

“God,” He breathed out, eyes closing. Alex pressed inside slowly, generous with the lube and Henry threw an arm over his eyes, other hand pushing through Alex’s hair once more. He let Alex take care of him until he started to go insane. “Come on, I’m ready.” He said and Alex let him go with a pop before coming up on his knees. He watched as the man rolled on a condom before making eye contact with him. Henry gave him a nod of acknowledgement and then he felt Alex push inside. 

It burned. He wasn’t going to lie, but it had been a long time since he had had sex with someone so he wasn’t surprised. Alex went slow though and he let out his breath slowly, the air hissing through his teeth. Once Alex was all the way in he forced himself to relax. Alex leaned forward and kissed him softly. He wasn’t used to that. He wasn’t used to someone letting him breathe and caring for him like that. 

“You okay?” Alex whispered and he nodded. 

Alex began to move slowly and he sucked in a breath at the feeling of it. It quickly got easier, the good feeling starting to overpower the other sensations. He let out a shaky breath as Alex began to pick up the pace, his hands going to grip around Alex’s forearms. His breaths became quiet noises and the quiet noises became loud pants and the loud pants became moans. 

“Oh fuck you feel so good baby.” Alex gasped out, yanking Henry close, bringing his hips up. He hardly heard the way the headboard was banging into the wall, his thoughts narrowed down to a single point of yes yes yes. 

“Alex,” He scrabbled at the man’s arms. 

“I know baby.” Alex gritted out. “Come for me okay?” He felt Alex wrap his hand around his cock and stroked it. It only took three or four times until he was jerking up and his entire body was seizing. He couldn’t even be sure the noises that were coming out of him he was so far gone. 

When he came back to himself Alex was breathing hard against his neck, his entire body dead weight against him. They were both sweaty and hot and utterly boneless. He trailed his fingers in random shapes across Alex’s back as their breathing slowed and he could finally think again. 

“Thoughts? Concerns? Comments?” Alex mumbled into the crook of his shoulder.

“I am effectively dead at the moment. I’ll get back to you on that.” Henry murmured and Alex chuckled against him, the vibrations tickling his chest. He hummed and let out a breathy laugh too. He laid there for a moment longer. “So about that breakfast?”

Alex leaned up and whacked him lightly on the chest. “How about a shower first?” 

“I suppose.” Henry smirked at him and Alex held out a hand for Henry to take. He pulled him off the bed and Alex pulled him in close for a long, heated kiss. He relaxed into it and when Alex pulled away he sighed softly.

“You good? I didn’t just ruin everything did I?” Alex asked nervously. 

He shook his head and wrapped his arms around Alex’s shoulders, letting his hands dangle behind. “No, you most certainly didn’t.” 

Alex let out a loud whoosh of air. “Well thank fucking god for that. Let’s go kiss in the shower.” 

He laughed and let Alex lead the way, his entire body warm inside and out.

\---------

Alex couldn’t even capture the elation he was feeling. Henry didn’t push him away and had spent the night and then they had great sex in the morning (despite the terrible morning breath, Henry had been right but he wasn’t a quitter dammit) and now he had a musical boyfriend. Were they boyfriends? Oh shit had he forgotten to ask Henry to be his boyfriend?

He was in the middle of Act Two, waiting to go on after the sewer scenes when the thought hit him. 

“Alex!” Zahra hissed at him. “Don’t you dare miss your fucking cue.” 

He looked up and straightened his jacket for the wedding scene and swept out onto the stage. _Keep it together Alex. You only have a few more songs._ He let himself fall into Marius. He had taken over for Liam during his two week break that had started last night. 

Had it only been last night that Henry had come over and they had gotten so much farther than they had ever had before? 

He hit all his marks and hit all his notes until the very last one of the Epilogue. He made it through the final bows, the crowd cheering for him when he came on with Nora. The moment he was able to, he sprinted down the stairs towards the pit. He pushed more than a few people out of the way, not even bothering to change. 

Alex threw open the pit door and found Henry putting the lid down on the piano. “Henry!” He stage whispered as the musicians gave him a range of amusement to annoyance as they pushed past him.

Henry looked up and frowned. “Alex? What are you doing down here? You better not let costume department see you. It’s super dusty.” 

“Are you my boyfriend?” He asked, ignoring everything that Henry said.

Bea snorted as she came up with her violin case in hand. She leaned against the piano, watching the exchange in amusement. 

“Am I your boyfriend?” Henry asked, crossing his arms. Alex narrowed his eyes crossing his own arms. 

“Yeah, are you my boyfriend?” 

“Am I your boyfriend?” Henry asked again and Alex let out an exasperated sound. 

“Just fucking tell me.” Alex growled.

Henry laughed and bent over at his hips to kiss Alex. Henry pulled back and gave him an amused smirk. “I mean _I guess_ I’m your boyfriend.” 

Alex pushed him a bit. “Stupid,” He said against Henry’s lips before smiling. 

“What made you rush down here and ask me?” Henry asked, leaning against the piano. Bea was still there and looked like she was shooting sunbeams out of her ass she was smiling so big. 

“It hit me right before the wedding scenes that I never asked you if you were my boyfriend now and I almost missed my cue.” Alex shrugged and Henry shook his head, letting out a giant sigh.

“You are insufferable.” Henry smiled at him. It was a small smile but it still made Alex’s heart rise. 

“Okay I’m going to need you both to stop being so cute right now.” Bea piped in. Alex’s gaze met hers and he shrugged.

“I can’t help it.” He made eye contact with Henry and winked at him. “Been a long time coming buckaroo.”

“Seriously, you should get out of those clothes. I don’t want to be caught corroborating with you when the costume department comes knocking.” Henry gave him a pointed look. 

“You mean to tell me you wouldn’t be the Clyde to my Bonnie?” Alex gasped.

“Why would you instantly choose Bonnie for yourself?” 

“Because I already dress better than you, fucking duh.” Alex rolled his eyes like it was stupid of Henry to even ask that. Henry gave him another pointed look. “Current clothes notwithstanding.”

“Just go get changed you heathen, I want to go.” Henry said as he gathered up his things. Alex grinned and nodded.

He turned and walked back up the stairs towards the dressing rooms and found Pez in there. 

“What made you run off so quickly?” Pez asked him, looking in the mirror. 

“I had to go ask Henry if we were boyfriends.” Alex shrugged like it was no big deal.

Pez instantly turned in his chair. “What? Fucking spill.” 

Alex laughed as he took off his jacket and hung it up followed quickly by his shirt and cravat. “We got ramen yesterday night and Henry stayed over, and this time he didn’t leave.”

“Oh my god stop. About time.” Pez raised his eyebrows as he took off his stage makeup. “I fucking called it too. Henry had never cared enough until you showed up.” 

Alex froze. “Wait, what?”

Pez shrugged. “Yeah, usually if some guy he slept with in the past managed to get on rehearsals, which only happened like once or twice, he wouldn’t even give them the time of day. Even if the guy came up to him and talked, Henry would just pretend like nothing had happened. I was honestly surprised when he actually cared enough to talk to you. Yeah he was a total dick, don’t get me wrong, but seeing him be a total dick was even a step up from where he had been.”

Alex slowly pulled on his sweats and then went to sit in his chair to start taking off his stage makeup. He thought about this for a while. “So you’re saying I jump started him?”

Pez frowned, contemplating it. “In a way I guess. I think he was always on this trajectory but you made it speed up.”

“So I made him nearly OD?”

Pez shook his head. “No, you’re the one that made him get better. I’ve seen him go through this before. He would get bad and he would end up in the hospital and Bea would be a wreck and then he would swear he would get better but he never went to rehab and the cycle just continued. Until you I guess.”

Alex put down his makeup wipe. “What if I fuck up?” He whispered out loud. Pez turned to look at him. 

“We all misstep. Even me which is shocking, I know, but you’re not alone in this. You aren’t the only person Henry has to lean on. We aren’t going to let him fall and we won’t let you fall either. You’re good for him.” Pez said with a knowing nod and went back to look in the mirror.

He let out a breath and nodded. “I just got really nervous all of the sudden.”

“You? Nervous? Is the world ending?” Pez grinned. 

“I know, I know, but Henry’s the first boyfriend, hell first relationship like ever. I don’t really count those flings in my past that last like a month or so. I actually want to try with him. I want to try _for_ him.” 

“Then do it. Just know that if you fuck up my boy, I’m coming for your entire soul.” Pez said in a saccharine sweet voice.

“What a vote of confidence.” Alex muttered. 

“I know you’re not going to fuck him up, I’m just teasing. I can tell you care. Who else would test Zahra’s wrath by nearly missing their cue because they’re thinking too much about if you have a boyfriend or not?” Pez snorted and Alex rolled his eyes but smiled just the same.

“I really was testing fate with that one wasn’t I?” Alex laughed.

“I already sent up a prayer for you when she snapped.” Pez snickered before rising from his chair. He looked up when Pez put his hand on Alex’s shoulder. “I’m happy for you. I can see how happy Henry makes you. If it’s any consolation, Henry’s never smiled so much for as long as I’ve known him since he’s been around you. Thanks for not giving up on him.”

Alex relaxed and nodded. Pez gave him a pat before slinging his back over his shoulder and heading out. He quickly finished up and grabbed his own bag and took the stairs to the side exit. He signed a few autographs, took several selfies until he managed to get away.

And there was Henry standing there in all his streetlamp glow looking as beautiful as ever.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Henry gave him a hesitant look.

“How am I looking at you?” Alex crooned as he put his hand through Henry’s. Henry gladly laced their fingers together.

“Like if you were a cartoon you would have giant puppy eyes right now.” Henry raised an eyebrow.

“I’m just happy, that’s all. I can’t be happy?” Alex shrugged and leaned up to give Henry a peck on the cheek.

“You can definitely be happy.” Henry laughed as Alex began to swing their joined hands back and forth like they were two little kids on the playground.

“Okay then _boyfriend_ let’s go back to my place and I can show you what happy really looks like.” He grinned and he didn’t miss the way that Henry’s stutter stepped.

“Yes, okay, good, let’s do that.” 

Alex cackled and this time kissed Henry on the mouth for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO CHAPTERS IN TWO DAYS WHO IS SHE???????? Seriously tho this spring break has been wonders on my muse without the threat of work looming over me while I anxiously do puzzles waiting for that email notification to ding at me. We have two more chapters left in this lovely lil story here (I know, I know, abrupt news I'M SORRY) so I hope you enjoy the rest! 
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	14. Chapter 14

Henry had never been so happy in his entire life. He could vaguely remember memories of his time before his father had died, to when he had been on stage rather than in the pit playing Broadway shows. He remembered the elation on that stage but it was fleeting. Once he stepped off, it floated away and he had to go back, chasing for more. His entire happiness only came from the stage. He had never been truly happy until he had let himself open up.

It came on him quietly. Just little moments here and there when Alex looked at him with a giant smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling at the corners. When Alex brought him a coffee and croissant in the morning without even being asked. When Alex played with his hair absently when they watched movies with Bea on his couch. 

What was that saying? You fall in love with the little things about someone? Well he supposed he had. He had fallen in love with Alex and it had taken him having to nearly fuck up his life in order to do it. He couldn’t believe he had been so blind and stubborn and irrational. 

“Hey are your hands hurting you?” Alex’s voice made him jolt out of his thoughts. 

Henry looked down and saw that he was massaging his hands absently. “Oh, maybe a little. It’s mostly just a habit at this point.” He said with a shrug. 

Alex reached out and took his hands into his own and began doing the massaging. He smiled faintly at him as Alex turned back to the screen where Patrick and David from Schitt’s Creek were arguing about something but being rather adorable at it. 

“I feel like you’re Patrick and I’m David, what do you think?” Alex asked, turning back to him. Alex’s expression twisted into one of amused confusion. “You’re giving me a really weird look right now. Do you want to stop?”

Henry shook his head. “No, I don’t want to stop. I can’t look at my boyfriend?”

Alex smiled wider at the title. They had been together for two months at this point and each and every time Alex still got happy hearing that come from his lips. It made Henry want to say it as much as possible. 

“I mean sure you can look though I might start charging.” Alex winked at him.

“Oh yeah? What’s your price?”

Alex pulled on his hands a bit, forcing him to lean forward until they were almost nose to nose. “A kiss.” 

“I should have known.” He grinned and leaned forward the rest of the way to give Alex a peck on the lips. Alex frowned with a whine and Henry kissed him harder. “Better?” 

Alex nodded. “I’ll allow it.” 

Henry snorted and leaned back against the arm of the couch and kicked Alex lightly. “For the record I’m definitely Patrick because I’m the only rational one in this relationship.” 

“Rude.” Alex shot back but with a smile. “But accurate.” 

Henry laughed and Alex shifted so that he was laying with his back against Henry’s chest. He let out a slight sigh of contentment as they continued to watch. 

“I don’t want to go in to work tomorrow.” Alex groaned against him. 

“You mean to tell me you _don’t_ want to sing in front of a live audience? Who are you?”

“I hate being Feuilly.”

“What do you mean you hate being Feuilly?” Henry frowned.

Alex shrugged. “I don’t have as big of a part.” He hid behind his hands. “Is that bad of me to say?”

Henry huffed out a laugh before shaking his head. “No, I don’t think so. It just means that you want more. There’s nothing wrong with that. I think you make a great, whoever you are.”

Alex snorted. “Whoever I am?” 

“You know what I mean. You’re good in every role you have.”

Alex sighed dramatically and spread out his limbs until he was obnoxiously against every part of Henry. He let out a muffled sound when Alex’s shoulder came up against his face.

“What the hell are you trying to do?”

“I don’t know I’m _bored_ Henry.” Alex groaned. 

“Alex. Please. I need air.” Henry managed to get out only for Alex to twist his body rather awkwardly and painfully until Alex was on his belly.

“No you don’t.” Alex grinned down at him. 

“Alex. Please. Why can’t we just watch a TV show normally for once?” Henry begged. Alex pressed their lips together and let out a muffled annoyed sound. Alex pulled off with a loud smack and leaned back so he was sitting back up, knees on either side of Henry. 

“Fine.” Alex muttered. “I just feel so antsy right now like I want to run five miles.”

“I’m not stopping you.” Henry said but then Alex melted into a puddle of limbs. He let out a sigh and pulled Alex to him again, hugging him close. “Do you need cuddles? Is that what this is?”

“I wouldn’t say no.” Alex said and nestled into the crook of his shoulder. Henry found he liked the weight of Alex on top of him and began to trace circles across Alex’s back. Alex relaxed into him and Henry kissed the side of his head. “Okay this is nice.” Alex hummed. 

“So all you needed was just me to hold you to calm down?” Henry smirked and Alex bit him through his shirt. “Ow! What was that for.”

“Don’t be rude Henry.” Alex snickered before laying his head back down. Henry pushed a hand through Alex’s hair and began to lightly scratch at his scalp. He felt the way Alex became boneless against him. It felt nice to have this sort of effect on someone. For Alex to completely trust him and open up and lay against him felt like everything he had ever wanted from someone and he sighed too.

“I love you.” He whispered and Alex froze. His eyes widened when Alex raised up.

“You what?” Alex was looking down at him with widened eyes.

“I, uh…” He started.

“I love you too.” Alex said so quickly, the words nearly melded together into one phase. 

“You do?” Henry breathed out.

“Well of course I do. I’ve just been afraid to say it. I didn’t want you running off and I know we’ve only technically been together for two months but I feel like I’ve known you forever.” Alex said in the same fast voice that Henry let out a bubble of laughter. 

“I didn’t want to say either because I thought you might think it was too fast and I also didn’t want to scare you away because I didn’t want you to be pressured to say it and I just--” Henry started before Alex shut him up with the press of his lips against his own and he wrapped an arm tightly around Alex, bringing them flush together once more. 

“I love you I love you I love you.” Alex breathed between kisses.

“I love you I love you I love you.” Henry whispered back. 

Eventually the both of them had to take a breather and Henry laughed again. “God we’re such a cliche aren’t we? Get together for hardly anytime at all and we’re already confessing our love.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s the lesbian stereotype.” Alex pointed out with a grin. 

“Oh, you might be right.” Henry chuckled.

“Well what’s all this then?” Bea interrupted the two of them and Henry jumped in surprise.

“God you nearly made me jump out of my skin B.” Henry said. Alex sat up and Henry sat up as well. “I thought you were with June and Nora.” 

“I had to run to the store so I left brunch a bit early. Don’t stop on my account.” Bea said with a twinkle in her eye.

“I actually need to head out. Liam wants me to meet up with him for lunch. He said he wants to talk to me about something so I’m praying that he’s not moving out because I literally can’t afford rent without him.” Alex said, standing. 

Henry stood up as well. “Will I see you later?” He asked, tugging at Alex’s arm as he brought him in closer for a loose hug, arms linked around the man’s hips. 

“High probability.” Alex said through his smile. “I love you.” Henry heard whispered against his lips.

“I love you too.” He whispered back and Alex gave him another quick kiss before waving goodbye to Bea on the way out. 

“You’re both in a cheery mood.” Bea said with a curious look. 

“We may have both said I love you today.” He said in a nonchalant sort of way as he helped her put groceries away. 

“Get out.” Bea said in shocked voice. “Are you serious?” She whacked Henry on the arm. “Hen! Aw I’m so happy for you both.”

Henry laughed, rubbing his arm. “Turns out we both had wanted to say it for a while but didn’t want to freak the other out.”

“Of course you both would.” Bea rolled her eyes. “Seriously Henry, I’m so happy. I haven’t seen you be so present and joyful in such a long time. I missed my baby brother.” 

“Stop Bea I’m going to get all emotional and I don’t want to get emotional.” Henry rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop his soft expression. 

“Nope, can’t do it. It’s physically impossible for me not to.” Bea grinned. “Now help me make dinner. We’re going to attempt lasagna tonight.”

“Oh lord.” Henry smirked and Bea attempted to whack him again but he managed to dodge out of the way just in time. He set out to help prepare and he realized that all this time while he had been struggling Bea had never left his side. She had never given up on him and he was sure that without her he would have been dead long ago. “Hey, thank you by the way. I’m not sure if I ever said that.”

Bea paused in the middle of laying the lasagna noodles. “I know. You don’t have to thank me. You just being here is more than enough for me.” She smiled softly at him and Henry sucked in a breath and nodded. “Now if you picked up a bit more around the apartment I wouldn’t mind.” She shrugged and Henry laughed.

“Yeah okay I’ll do that.” He said easily before going back to stirring the sauce.

\---------

“Alright this had better be good, I had to leave Henry for this.” Alex said, slipping off his sunglasses as he slid into the booth across from Liam.

Liam put down his phone and snorted. “I swear you two are conjoined twins at this point.” 

“Ain’t nothing wrong with loving up on your honey.” Alex sniffed.

“Oh my god please never said those words together in a sentence in my presence ever again.” Liam shook his head.

Alex reached over and took Liam’s glass of wine and took a big sip before he got his hand whacked.

“Monster! Stop it!” Liam protested before Alex set the wine glass down.

He smacked his lips. “Not my favorite to be honest.”

“That’s because it’s not for _you_ Jesus were you raised in a barn?”

“Yes.” Alex answered quickly before the waiter walked up. “I’ll have the house chardonnay.” He said and the waiter gave him a nod before walking off. He turned to Liam. “Now what’s so important that you dragged me away from the sex bubble.”

“First of all, gross, you need to be detained just for that sentence, and second off it’s exciting news for you so I’ll wait until you have your wine so we can celebrate.” Liam said as he took a sip of his own wine. 

Alex narrowed his eyes. “I’m not sure if I like the sound of that. It sounds like you’re fishing for a spit take and I’m not wasting good wine on you.”

“You literally got the house chardonnay. That’s not good wine.”

“When you’re ballin on a budget, yes it is.” Alex pursed his lips in annoyance. The waiter came by with his glass and he took a sip. It was better than Liam’s, but not the best. He wasn’t about to give Liam the satisfaction though that he was right. “Okay, I’ve got my wine, now spill.”

“Okay so I’ve been asked to be in a new production of Phantom and they want me as the principal Raoul.” Liam said, words nearly meshing together.

Alex had to take a second to process. When the words finally made sense his eyebrows rose and his eyes widened. “Wait are you serious? Liam! Dude that’s so exciting!” 

Liam let out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank god I thought you were going to be mad at me for leaving Les Mis.”

“Are you kidding? You get to be a lead with a ton more songs. How could I not be excited for you?”

Liam narrowed his eyes. “You’re just excited that you’re going to be the principal Marius aren’t you?”

Alex faltered and then winced with a shrug. “I mean yeah, but also very excited for you too!”

“You are such a little shit.” Liam laughed and shook his head. They both took a sip. “You’re seriously not mad at me for leaving?”

“I mean you’ve been the principal Marius for what, over half a year now? That’s a long time man. Phantom is lucky to have you. I will admit that I’ll miss our aftershow talks.” 

“Well listen, the theater is just down the street. We can still have lunch dates.” Liam said. 

They paused when their food that they had ordered after Alex had ordered his wine finally came. 

“I mean we are still roommates. It’s not like we’ll never see each other again.” Alex said around his mouthful of salad. Liam gave a grimace. “Oh god. Are you moving out too?”

“Spencer asked me to move in with him. And I...I kinda said yes.” Liam winced.

Alex set his fork down delicately and he steepled his hands in front of him. “Liam.”

“Oh god.”

“If we were not in public right now I would be flying over this table right now but since we are in public I’m just going to say that I’m incredibly pissed but I still love you and I am very happy for you to take this new step with your boyfriend who I also love very much but I say this with the deepest sincerity in my heart, what the actual _fuck_?”

“I know I’m sorry! It happened really suddenly and during our two week break he asked me and I’ve been trying to find the right time to tell you and I wanted to do it public so you don’t attack me.” Liam winced again.

Alex let out a sigh, closing his eyes as he tried to rein in his anger. He then noticed a glimmer of hope. “No, this is okay. I mean we couldn’t be roommates forever and now that I’ll be the principal maybe I’ll get more money. I can make this work.” He said, thinking out loud.

“See exactly! I promise I wouldn’t fuck you over like this if I didn’t think you could handle it.” Liam said with an encouraging voice. 

Alex stood up from his chair. “I gotta go.”

“Wait what?” Liam said in a confused voice. “You haven’t even--”

“No, I gotta go. Honestly you owe me this one.” Alex said with a pointed look.

Liam deflated and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, alright fine. I’ll see ya.” 

Alex grinned and then rushed out the door. He shot a text and then continued walking very quickly down the street. He ran up the steps to Henry’s apartment and buzzed for Henry to let him in. It only took a couple seconds before the door unlocked and he was taking the stairs two at a time.

He knocked on the door and Henry opened it. He sidestepped the man into the apartment. “Move in with me.” He said quickly.

“I--what?” Henry jolted. 

“Liam’s moving in with Spencer. He’s joining the new Phantom production and he’s moving out and I want you to move in with me.” Alex said in one breath.

“Wait...slow down. Alex, we literally _just_ said I love you to each other did you forget that? It was only like an hour ago.” Henry shook his head. 

“I know it’s fast and I know it’s sudden and we don’t even have to be in the same bedroom. Liam’s bedroom is open and I know you’ve been talking about moving out and Bea was talking about downsizing and it’s the perfect opportunity.” Alex said as he took Henry’s hands. “Think about it, you and me in the same place and we don’t have to worry about roommates or sisters.”

Henry looked down at their clasped hands. Alex saw Bea lean against the doorframe to her bedroom. Henry looked over too. “What do you think?”

“It’s not about me. But if you were asking, which I guess you are, I think it’s a great idea. Like Alex said, you can take it slow and sleep in separate rooms if you need space but I have been looking at studios recently now that my private lessons have been picking up.” Bea said with a secret smile on her face.

Henry looked back at Alex. “Well...I mean can I think about it?”

“Well duh, of course you can think about it. But I mean don’t take too long because Liam’s moving out at the end of the month and I have to figure out a way to pay rent without him around.” Alex said and Henry rolled his eyes.

“Sounds like you think my mind’s already made up for me. But wait...did you say that Liam’s leaving Les Mis? Does that mean you’re--”

“Principal Marius? Hell yes it does.” Alex grinned and Henry’s eyes widened.

“Alex! Oh my god that’s so great!” Henry gasped and then brought him in for a giant hug. Alex wrapped his arms around the solidness that was Henry and hugged him tight. He let the smell of Henry overtake him and he laughed. For a moment he had forgotten that he got his dream role because he had been too wrapped up in the fact that he wanted Henry to move in with him. 

“Thanks Hen. Guess the universe heard me complaining.” He said with a laugh when Henry leaned back. 

“We need to go out and celebrate obviously.” Henry said with a giant smile on his face that Alex never wanted him to take off. It looked like sunbeams were glowing from the inside out. 

“I may or may not already be two wineglasses in but I am definitely down for celebration sex.” Alex grinned.

“Okay I’m not here. Gross.” Bea said quickly, shutting herself back inside her room.

Alex looked back at Henry. “You sure about needing time to figure out if you want to move in with me?”

Henry looked at where Bea had escaped to. “Yeah, okay let’s do it.”

“Wait, seriously? All it took was Bea ruining the mood?” Alex smirked.

“Who said anything about ruining the mood?” Henry’s eyes darkened and Alex’s eyebrows rose.

“Okay, yes, I like where this is heading.”

“I’m thinking I need to make you forget your own name.” Henry said in a quiet voice that sent shivers down his spine. 

“Yes, keep talking.” Alex said with a nod as Henry slowly backed them up towards Henry’s room. He felt the edge of the bed come up against the back of his knees and he fell back when Henry pushed his chest. He scrambled back as Henry stalked forward looking something feline like. 

Henry brushed his lips against his exposed skin where his shirt was unbuttoned. It was summer in NYC, sue him for having only four buttons done and way too much chest showing. 

“You really do need to stop wearing these. It’s a traffic distraction.” Henry said in a low voice and Alex let the man take over. It was all hot lips and hot tongues and biting nails and whispered words until he was shivering mess of a man, begging Henry’s name on his lips. 

“Yeah okay you need to do that to me like every single day please. Can I get a punch card? I’ll get a free sex act within like a week.” Alex said with a shaky voice. Henry just rumbled out a laugh against his chest. “So are you really going to move in with me?”

Henry looked up, blue eyes still blown slightly but so bright it nearly made Alex’s eyes hurt. “Yes Alex, I’ll move in with you. If only for the fact that I don’t want my sister hearing you screaming out my name.”

“Good reasoning. I approve.” 

Henry smirked at him and kissed him lightly. “You don’t think we’re moving too fast though?”

Alex shook his head. “No, I mean we’ve been through a lot together. I know all your dark and twisty secrets.” He said, poking Henry in the shoulder. “You know all of mine, and still we’re here together. I’m not going anywhere if you aren’t.”

The corner of Henry’s mouth twitched up. He kissed him lightly before settling down against him once more. Alex closed his eyes. He was sure he had never been more content in his life. He had never been in love in his life until now but he understood the songs and the movies now. Now he understood why people gave up everything for this because he would do the same for Henry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow I'm really getting back into it aren't I? ONE MORE CHAPTER PEOPLE ONE MORE CHAPTERRRRRRR (but lowkey aren't these two fucking CUTE????)
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


	15. Chapter 15

“We just want to congratulate Liam for a great Marius.” Rafael said, raising his champagne flute. “I’m not at all annoyed that he’s leaving us for Phantom.” He shifted his voice to a monotone of sarcasm. The group looped around the stage laughed.

“Thank you guys for being an amazing cast. I’ll definitely get you discounted tickets because mama still needs to save up money before he can give out actual free tickets.” Liam said with a grin. Alex snorted and rolled his eyes. “I also want to give a giant shoutout to Alex for stepping into my shoes.”

Alex raised his chin and pressed his lips together. It felt like the end of an era. He and Liam had been roommates since college, save the time he was out touring with Wicked. They had already had their tearful goodbyes when Liam moved out yesterday but this felt like it was official. He couldn’t sneak up on him and make him scream in the dressing room anymore. 

“You are the perfect Marius and you’re going to kill it.” Liam said sincerely.

“Here here!” Oscar piped up and everyone laughed again. 

He mouthed ‘thank you’ to Liam. He wasn’t sure he could actually get the words out if he tried. He wasn’t normally emotional but he was going to miss Liam terribly.

“Let’s enjoy ourselves alright? No sadness here.” Liam said and the crowd began to disperse and mingle within themselves. “You good?” Liam asked, clapping him on the shoulder. “No tears for your former roommate.”

“I left them all at home when you left me.” Alex pouted before laughing a bit, the sound slightly watery.

“This is exciting for you though. You actually get your face up on the posters front and center.” Liam grinned and Alex rolled his eyes before laughing.

“Alright, you know that was the highlight of my month.” He admitted.

“Even more than me moving in?” Henry asked, walking up. Alex turned instantly, his smile going softer. 

“Is it bad if I said yes?”

“Uh yeah, definitely bad.” Nora butted in, slinging an arm around his shoulders. “Boyfriends should definitely come before pictures of yourself you vain demon.”

“I was just joking.” Alex muttered.

“I know.” Henry said with a smug smile, slipping his hand into Alex’s. “I know you love me.” Henry gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Even if you are a vain demon.” He whispered the last part in his ear.

Alex stuck out his tongue before laughing. This felt right, being on stage with all the people he loved. “I’m going to miss you.” He said to Liam.

“Dude, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again. I still want to do trivia on Thursdays.” Liam raised an eyebrow. “We can’t let our reign slip.”

“No, we can’t have that.” Alex nodded sagely. 

They chatted some more, Nora wandering off to find June and Liam getting pulled away by other members of the cast. 

“So, how are you doing mijo?” Oscar asked, coming up. “You excited about tomorrow night?”

“It’s not my first time being Marius dad.” Alex said with a smirk. “You should know, you’re the one that has to carry me for an entire scene.”

“I would kindly ask you to lay off the donuts if you don’t mind.” Oscar winked at him. 

“Hey! I work out. Sorta.” Alex muttered and Oscar laughed. 

“I don’t want to know.” Oscar said quickly when he noticed Alex finding Henry in the crowd. “So you two moving in together huh? Big step.” 

“Yeah, but it works.” Alex said, taking a sip of his champagne. 

“He the one?” 

Alex studied the way Henry was laughing with Pez and Bea. When he found Henry from a distance it was like being struck down by lightning each and every time. He was so beautiful and now so full of life that it was hard to look away. “How can you tell?”

Oscar hummed, thinking for a moment. “When I met your mother I couldn’t look away. Even when she was right in front of me I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off her. Whenever we were apart I kept thinking about her and felt antsy until I got to see her again. It was intense and I knew she was the one. At least for the me at that time.” 

Alex paused, eyes finding Henry again. Henry must have felt his gaze on him and he turned his blue eyes onto Alex and Alex felt a jolt go through him. He smiled at Henry and Henry smiled back before turning when Pez said something and laughed. 

“You have the same look I did mijo.” Oscar said quietly. 

Alex sucked in a breath and let out a breathy laugh. “I love him dad. I really do.” 

“He loves you too. I know I wanted to beat him up when he first came on the scene but you’re good for each other. Call it an old man’s intuition.” Oscar grinned and Alex rolled his eyes.

“Any guy who can continually pick up another man over his shoulders isn’t old.”

“Aw you suck up.” Oscar laughed. He reached out to ruffle Alex’s hair who only jerked out of reach.

“Don’t touch the hair dad!” Alex said over his shoulder as he scampered away towards Henry. He heard Oscar snort from behind him as he rejoined his friends. He practically crashed into Henry and wrapped his arms around him from behind. Henry raised his arm, looking under to lock eyes with Alex.

“Yes?” Henry gave him an amused look. 

“Nothing, just wanted to hold you.” Alex grinned and Henry nudged him around to the side so they were side by side and slipped an arm around Alex’s shoulders. Alex let himself lean against the firmness that was his boyfriend and let his head fall against Henry’s shoulder as he listened to his friends talk. 

He felt safe here. He felt safe in Henry’s arms. Despite everything that had happened at the beginning of their relationship, despite everything they had gone through to get to this point, he wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

As they walked back towards the apartment they now shared, Henry laced their fingers together. Alex turned to look up at him and he could see there was something on his mind.

“What’s up? Did you not have fun tonight?” Alex asked and Henry jerked a bit at his voice and turned towards him. 

“No, I very much did.” Henry said easily and Alex just raised an eyebrow. Henry rolled his eyes. “You are so persistent.” 

“It’s practically my middle name after all.” Alex beamed and Henry laughed.

“It was bittersweet that was all. It reminded me that I missed a lot when I was at rehab that I could have had with you guys.” Henry said with a shrug. 

Alex felt a pang of sadness rush through him. He awkwardly leaned up to kiss Henry on the corner of his mouth. “You’re here now though. That’s monumental. We’ll make up for lost time and you’ll be sick of me for dragging you to all the things.” 

Henry laughed and leaned into him a bit as they walked. “I might have to put you in time out if you drag me to too many things.” 

Alex’s eyes darkened and his mouth twitched up in interest. 

“Oh my god that is supposed to be a punishment. Why are you looking at me like that?” Henry groaned, rolling his eyes but a smile still playing at his lips. 

Alex leaned up, making them both stop for a moment as he did. “Who says I’m not a glutton for punishment?” He practically purred and Henry let out a breath through his nose.

“Yeah let’s get a move on okay?” Henry said with a brisk nod and Alex cackled as the man picked up the pace. 

He wasn’t cackling anymore when he was thrown onto the bed that they now shared. They had gone into it thinking that Henry would actually use Liam’s old room but even after one night of just the two of them together, it was clear that Alex’s bed was now Henry’s bed too. It had been pointless to think otherwise. Alex was glad Henry had the option, but so far it hadn’t been necessary. Alex was more than ready to back off at a moment’s notice though. He wanted Henry and he would take him in any way he could get. 

“When I said I was a glutton for punishment I didn’t think that would get you so heated.” Alex said in a low voice. “You like being in charge baby?”

Henry growled under his breath as he pressed Alex’s wrists to the bed forcefully. “Like you don’t love it.”

“Oh I definitely do, just want to make sure you’re having a fun and sexy time.” Alex grinned.

“You need to shut your mouth right now.” Henry narrowed his eyes and Alex’s grin only got wider. 

“Fucking make me then.” 

Henry surged forward and ripped out any words that Alex could speak again with his own mouth and instead all Alex could do was moan as their hips came together. Henry shoved his hands down Alex’s jeans after fumbling with the button and zipper. Alex could only let out a gasp as his head fell back and his hips came forward into Henry’s grip. 

Henry latched his lips onto where Alex’s collarbones were exposed from his half open shirt and Alex scrambled to hold onto something. That something ended up being Henry’s hair and bicep. His fingers gripped in naturally and a stream of consciousness started rolling out of him. He was barely aware of the words but they broke off when Henry bit down on the meat of his shoulder before moving back, rocking back on his heels. The way the light behind glowed it was like looking up at a celestial god and all Alex could think of was how lucky he had gotten. How lucky was he that he managed to get Henry to realize just how much he was loved and how much he loved him.

“Beautiful.” He whispered and Henry’s face softened. 

“Stupid.” Henry muttered and Alex shook his head. He made grabby hands and Henry lowered himself down so Alex could put his hands on either side of Henry’s face, cradling him.

“You are the most beautiful and precious thing, Henry. I love you so much.” Alex whispered and Henry let out a choked sound and pressed their foreheads together. Alex let his eyes drift closed. He breathed in Henry’s scent and sighed softly. He wasn’t sure the last time he had been so content, if ever. 

“I love you too.” Henry murmured back and kissed him softly. Alex melted into the kiss and they did that for a while until Henry started moving again and Alex moaned quietly at the friction again and he felt Henry smile against his lips. “Yes, Alex?” 

“Can you fuck me now?” He whispered against Henry’s lips.

“Yes, Alex.” Henry said in a low voice that made him shiver. 

As Henry pushed and pulled and let him fall apart all Alex could think of was how lucky he had gotten to find someone who so perfectly matched him in every single way.

\---------

Henry leaned against the door frame as he watched Alex getting ready for his first show as the principal Marius. His entire room was decorated with flowers which Alex of course had preened at. 

“Shouldn’t you be warming up?” Alex looked over at him through the mirror’s reflection. 

“Most likely but I wanted to see you before you went on.” He said with a slight smile and pushed off the door frame and came more into the room. Pez had already finished and was off helping Oscar with something that Henry hadn’t actually caught. “You ready to kill it?

Alex snorted. “Is this you trying to be Pez right now?” 

Henry laughed and shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe. Too much?”

Alex reached out to touch Henry’s cheek and brought him down to kiss him on the lips. Henry let him of course. Alex pulled back and patted him none too sweetly. “I appreciate the sentiment.” Alex looked back at himself in the mirror and sucked in a deep breath before letting it out in a loud whoosh. “I’m nervous but I’m always nervous. This feels better somehow though.” He said, looking up at Henry in the mirror.

Henry took Pez’s chair in front of the mirror. “It is bigger but it’s just like any other performance you’ve done a hundred times.” 

Alex gave him a half smile and nodded. “Thanks Hen.” 

Henry smiled and leaned forward to kiss Alex on the cheek before making a grossed out sound. “Stage makeup.” 

Alex laughed and reached out to wipe Henry’s lips with the pad of his thumb. “It’s not on you. Really cakey though isn’t it?” 

“Disgusting. I don’t know how you don’t break out daily.” 

“It’s a fighting battle most definitely.” Alex said with a sage nod. 

Henry smiled softly. “I have to go but just know that I’ll be listening for you.”

“Thank you.” Alex said softly and Henry stood up, kissing Alex’s curls on the top of his head before leaving the dressing room and made his way towards the pit. He found most of the other musicians already there and he got to work setting up the piano and warming up. The muscles in his hands protested a bit but he didn’t feel the urge to pop a pill or drown himself in alcohol. There were still times though and he had to remember that he was doing this for himself. He wasn’t doing it for anyone else, because he deserved to be happy. And god did Alex make him happy.

The conductor tapped the baton and held up his hands and Henry hovered over the keys that he had played a thousand times before. With one downward stroke of the baton, he let himself mesh with the music, eyes closed for part of it without even realizing it.

They opened when he first heard Alex. It was so clearly Alex that he smiled at the sound. He had gotten used to knowing what Alex sounded like that he could follow that one trail of music with ease. That one voice felt like a thread of gold floating through the air. 

It was hard to get lost in the music this time when Alex was right there above him. He knew it wasn’t anything new for Alex, he had played this role for months, but it was still monumental. Henry had to focus hard on his own playing. Still, when Alex began to sing Empty Chairs, he felt goosebumps form along his arms. A part of him wanted this to be over quick so he could hug Alex and another part of him wanted it never to end. There were so many versions of Alex that he knew and loved but this Alex had to be one of his favorites. 

When the final note rang out, Henry didn’t pause. He left the piano, giving a look to Bea who nodded to him and then he ran up the stairs towards the stage. He waited in the wings as people cheered hard for Alex when he took the stage for his bow and Henry couldn’t help but beam from the sidelines. He held his hands together, close to his chest naturally and let Alex have his moment in the sun. 

The curtain closed and Alex was surrounded by his friends and family. Henry felt himself moving forward to join them but he paused for a second. Was he a part of this circle? Was he included in this group? But then Alex looked up and they locked eyes and Alex beamed at him, the shininess of tears in his eyes and he moved towards Henry and Henry knew that of course he was included. He was a part of Alex’s life and when Alex threw his arms around him, his soul lifted out of his chest and sang. 

“You were amazing.” He whispered into Alex’s ear. 

“Thank you.” Alex breathed back. 

Henry let him go and he watched as others congratulated Alex and he watched with fondness. Pez and Oscar brought out a cake with Alex’s face on it and they all passed it around after Alex of course took multiple pictures with it. He even dragged Henry into a few of them. 

“Good first day being the principal?” Henry asked as they walked home. 

“I mean I got a cake of my face, what else does a man need in life?” Alex laughed and Henry smiled too.

“I might have my own surprise for you.” Henry gave him a sly look.

“Is it a puppy? Please tell me it’s a puppy.” Alex’s eyes got big and Henry rolled his eyes.

“No it’s not a puppy. You really think you’re able to take care of an animal? I had to tell you to not to eat something that expired two weeks ago.”

“In my defense, it still looked alright.” Alex pursed his lips as they climbed the stairs to their apartment. 

Henry moved ahead, blocking Alex from the door. “Let me go in first so I can see your face.” 

Alex narrowed his eyes but allowed it. He gestured for Henry to take the lead and he turned to open the door. He stepped inside and then let Alex do the same. “What is it--oh. Wow.” Alex turned and saw the framed poster on the wall. Henry watched as Alex moved towards it, running his fingers down the frame. “How did you get this so quickly?” He turned towards Henry.

“I asked the print guy to send me one and had it framed. Do you like it?”

Alex turned back to his own picture hanging on the wall. It had his name in giant font plus his character name under the title of Les Miserables. “I love it.” He breathed and Henry felt his chest relax a bit.

“Oh thank god. I wasn’t sure if you would find it too vain or whatever. I wanted to do something nice for you for your first big show.” He explained. Alex turned and Henry opened his mouth to say something more but Alex stalked forward and kissed him hard instead. 

“You did call me a vain demon after all.” Alex smirked with glittering eyes. “It’s amazing Henry, thank you.” 

Henry shrugged a bit self-consciously, not sure what to do with the praise. “You’re welcome.”

Alex smiled and turned back towards the poster. “Not bad huh?”

“Very handsome.” Henry agreed with a smirk. He draped his arms across Alex’s shoulders again, putting his chin on the top of Alex’s head. Alex leaned back.

“Didn’t think I would get to this point honestly.”

Henry frowned. “Why did you think that?” Alex shrugged and was silent. Henry felt a pang of guilt. “Was it me?” Alex was silent for a moment and Henry sighed. “I was such an asshole to you. I’m sorry if I made you feel inferior. I was going through my own thing but you made me want to change.”

Alex turned in his arms. “You didn’t make me feel inferior. I mean you pissed me off, a lot, but I know my own worth.” He gave Henry a crooked smile. “I made you want to change huh?”

Henry swallowed and nodded. The guilt felt like a thousand pounds. Alex frowned and he felt his hands on his face, Alex’s thumbs smoothing out the worry from it. He met Alex’s gaze and he sighed. “You’re so bright that you shine sometimes. You drew me into your sunshine and I guess I had nowhere else to go except into it. I thought I would be in the darkness forever.” He said with a huff of a bitter laugh. “Darkness of my own making of course. But I never want that again.” 

Alex gave him a soft look. He stepped closer until they were practically one person. “I’m not going anywhere. You’ll never get rid of me that easily.” 

Henry smiled, eyes roaming over Alex’s features and he reached out to brush a curl behind Alex’s ear. “I don’t ever want that.” 

“Not even when I’m a super famous Broadway star that’s made it onto a hot new HBO show and the world knows my name and I become a snob?” Alex raised an eyebrow and Henry smirked.

“Nope, not even then.”

“Good answer.” Alex grinned and leaned up to kiss him. 

Later that night when Alex was curled up against him, dead to the world Henry looked out the window onto the lit street of New York City. It hadn’t even been a year since he had known Alex but looking at where he had been to where he was at this moment felt like a completely different person. 

He liked this person. For the first time in a very long time he liked himself. He looked down at Alex whose face was relaxed against him and he delicately traced the man’s features, smiling to himself. Theirs had been a whirlwind romance and he knew as long as Alex was in his life it would continue to be strong and steady. He would never again have to worry about losing himself because their souls were intertwined together and the melody they played was the sweetest music of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so concludes another fic of these two falling in love because I can never not have them completely enraptured in each other. Thank you so much for reading and commenting and loving these two boys in yet another AU that I manage to whip up. You are all amazing souls and I'm glad to hear from each and every one of you.
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [tedddylupin](http://www.tedddylupin.tumblr.com)


End file.
